I just got engaged. my sis is very lonely and depressed. i dont feel she is happy for me. how can i help her?

Question

My sister is ther middle child. My dad left us, mom had cancer, brother committed suicide. she has always been a very sad person. she is older thn me. she has a very poor self esteem and never seems happy. we argue alot and i hate it. i want her to fall inlove just like i have. i want her to be happy for me but it just doesnt seem like she cares. Help

Answer 1

Just let her talk. I'm sure she has a lot of things she's been keeping to herself. Be very open and tell her – I want to hear whatever you have to say. The worst thing in the world is not being able to have an honest conversation with someone. (I know this is a personal question and you don't have to answer but why did your brother kill himself?)

Answer 2

Wow, this is a very tough one. First of all, I'm sure your sister cares. You're the only family member that she has left so she may be experiencing some separation anxiety. It would be absolutely wonderful if she can find someone to share her life with like you have. However, it would help if she were more secure. I'm sure that you have thought of it, but I do think that it's a bigger issue than you can handle between just the two of you. Perhaps you can suggest professional counseling for both you and her. Contrary to perception, counseling is actually a healthy thing and every single person whether they admit it or not, has some kind of issue that a professional counselor can help them with. It's no big deal to go (what can you lose?) and can actually help with real results. This issue between you and your sister seems to have been going on a long time and has deep roots. I really hope that you both will be able to work it out. It would be a great relief to not only you and your dear sister, but also to your fiancee. All the best and I'm rooting for you guys.

Answer 3

A sad fact of life is, some people move on while others just
wallow in 'self pity'. It may sound harsh to say but it's true!!
Your sister reminds me of my best friends situation.
She got engaged and her younger sister was 'unnaturally'
angry and hostile about it. Bottom line; she was jealous!!!
Some people don't want or even care if others are happy or not,
simply because they themselves are always miserable.
Your sister has chosen to veiw life with resentment and anger,
many do.
But you have decided (and good for you) to make the most of your life and now you've found happiness with your boyfriend.
As harsh as it may seem. you must 'STOP' enabling her to
rob you of peace and happiness, because thats exactly what you are doing by playing along with her game.
Your sister needs love yes' but she also needs someone to
stand up to her and her controlling ways.
She is not happy for you because she is not a happy person
herself.
And you cannot do anything to change that, but you can tell
her to 'stop' trying to make your life miserable just because she is.
I know what I'm talking about, so I hope you take notice.
Be loving, but be strong. Use 'tough love'...

Answer 4

Wow, first of all I'm sorry about all that you both had to go through. I can't even begin to imagine how hard this must be. To answer your question its hard to believe she doesn't care. Finding love like you did is wonderful and she must be very proud but it seems like she's keeping it inside because this is a tragic experience. I could understand why she must be this way but I'm sure that she is very proud and happy for you. Good luck.

Answer 5

I bet she cares alot she probley thinks she is going to loose another part of her family and that scares her . maybe you could help her meet someone . to make her happy .Feel loved , You know I have went through 6 kids getting married and each one I felt I was looseing a part of myself and dont get me wrong I know kids have to make their own lives but it does take a little piece of you when they leave .I use to say hey find me someone joking with them and later I wasnt jokeing smile , well ofcourse my sons wouldnt hear of it mom are you nuts I said no well my daughters are constantly trying to fix me up but im fine . If it is to happen it will if not I have fun anyway with all of them , so just let her know you will still be around for her .

Answer 6

take her out for a meal and buy her a bottle of perfume