the problem is we have been dating for 4yrs and he insist on moving in together, but in my family we have strict rules about living with a man before marriage! i've told him but he seems not to understand. please help am i wrong here????
2006-12-14 15:55:51 · 24 answers · asked by meandme 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I had the same problem, though i did end up living with him. My family also had and i believe some still have a problem with it. The question is not what your bf wants, or what your family wants, its what YOU want. I found that what i wanted the most was to be there for my bf every day, and things have worked out great despite my familiys wishes, and my parents now respect me as an adult, bc i stood up for myself and made my own choice, and support myself (with my bf's help) All im saying is, if you want to do it, do it. But if you DONT want to, and dont let your parents influence you, let him know how important ur moral views are and if he's not understanding about it, he probably wont be understanding about a lot of things in the future
2006-12-14 16:01:40 · answer #1 · answered by Panda 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In today's world there are a lot of people that live together, and they have no problem with that. This is a decision that each person has to make on their own base on what they're beliefs are.
Obviously there are some issues here and your family has established the rules about living with a man before marriage.
With this in mind, you have a duty to just tell him the way is, and that you are going to stick to your guns .. There is no reason why you should be expected to go against what your moral judgment tells you.
You may get some suggestions that you should go ahead regardless of what your family says, but just keep in mind that they will always be your family, and the moral beliefs that they have, and that you have, are refreshing in today's world.
Good luck!!
2006-12-14 16:06:15 · answer #2 · answered by Gnome 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a hard subject, the world of today is much diff. then our parents were with traditional values. not everyone was raised the same. In today's world old ways might not work anymore when it comes to relationships. What if you do get married and you both find outspending so much time together all at once is not what you like about each other. maybe you don't get along as good as you think you did. But i respect your family and their opinions. the world does need to keep some old traditions to some point. But you also need to respct his wishes as well. i say trying to spend a few night together every month or every week. but on a respectable level. if it feels comfy try to move it up to a full week. if it feels good and you get along well tell him you need to then take it to marriage cause then you know you should be ready to share a life together.
2006-12-14 16:04:37 · answer #3 · answered by Ravenger 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Each person on this planet is an intelligent being. We all have our beliefs and opinions about things. One of the attributes of respecting other people is to respect their beliefs. You boyfriend should respect your beliefs, if he really loves you and does not only love himself. You should tell him straight that that is what you believe in and this is what will happen if you two are to get married. You should tell him that if he really loves you he will wait until you both are married before living together. Especially when it is you deep held beliefs. They are YOUR deep held beliefs also? Aren't they? If they are not and your'e complipating marriage, then to be mature enought to get married you have to be mature enough to at least believe in the things YOU believe in.
However if these are YOUR beliefs then stand you ground and tell him that these things are precious to you. And if he loves you
then he will respect your wishes. If he does not, then it is better you know now than when you have been married for a long time.
For the courtship is small compared to the marriage. And if one cannot do unto little things, then how is one to do unto big things.
Stand your ground, tell him straight, honest and caring- and GOOD ON YOU.
2006-12-14 16:14:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your not telling him forceful enough. Tell him with everything you got. You shouldn't have to yell or beat it into him. Just talk open with him & tell him point blank that this is how it's going to be. Tell him that you've told him before that you wanted to wait until marriage. It's a personal preference & it may not be one that HE agrees with, but if he loves you then he should respect YOUR beliefs & wait. It shouldn't be that big of a deal. You're together regardless of whether you are actually living under the same roof or not. Good luck~
2006-12-14 15:59:30 · answer #5 · answered by Jaysangl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you will not be his live in whore that you are wife material. If he doesn't respect your feelings on this, he isn't the guy for you. What will happen when you are married and a big problem comes up. Is he going to throw a tantrum until he gets his way? This is a give and take relationship. He needs to respect your feelings on this.
You are doing the right thing!!! Hang in there.
2006-12-14 16:02:28 · answer #6 · answered by luv3dbb 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm no longer constructive this is this manner of competent concept that you'll pass out at your age. Him having a reliable job in ny at age 19 is very questionable. the classic of living in ny is very intense. Will he be able to help the both one in all you financially, inspite of in case you'd be in college? till you've somewhat kept up on your own, I propose you fairly communicate this by using consisting of your mom before you do some thing loopy.
2016-10-18 07:47:32 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just need to be honest...but be prepared that this may end the relationship, and if it does...as much as it will hurt, it's better now than after a few kids and a few years of marriage. (Take my advice...I'm now a single mom and I WISH I had listened to my family!) Tell him that you are adamant that you will live with him once you are married and that is not negotiable.
2006-12-14 15:59:16 · answer #8 · answered by SoCalBeachGal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey, if he loves you, he'll understand if you tell him just that. Good for you for sticking up for what you believe in, now just carry it out! hehe. Just tell him that your marriage will be that much more special if you wait until your big day to truly become a couple who lives together. Isn't that one of the good things about being married?? Just sit him down and look him in the eye and ask him to please understand that these are some of your needs...
Best of luck to you both!
2006-12-14 16:00:06 · answer #9 · answered by Breezy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are sexually active with him there is no difference. But if dating for 4 yrs hasn't gotten a proposal of marriage... don't hold your breath. You should tell him to marry you or move on.... or you'll never live with anyone.
Best Wishes,
Sue
2006-12-14 15:58:25 · answer #10 · answered by newbiegranny 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋