Have you disowned your mother?

Question

I am the odd ball out and my mother only comes around when it suits her schedule, or when she needs something. I'm thinking of telling her to kick rocks. I know I may just be speaking from anger so I want to hear from those who have severed ties to their moms and why. Do you miss her? How long does it take to adjust?

I have tried to tell my mother how I feel on more than one occasion. She said I was overreacting and hung up the phone. I am way past begging for her affection just to ease the thought of her dying one day.

Answer 1

Same here on being the odd ball out. My mother never was around when I was a child. She occupied her time with "church" functions to get away from my step-father. Of course she also did this to put a blind eye to other things going on in the house. It maybe just anger, but there is a good reason for your anger. And you've got to express it to her. If you are to become estranged/dis-owned from her, at least you will have said your peace. I did, and I have felt better for it. Yes, I miss her, but I do not miss the comparing she did between my brother and I. Some days it will feel as if you have adjusted fully being away from her and on other days, not at all. You never get over being away, it just gets easier when you tell yourself that your better off without her and the aggrivation.

Answer 2

Honey
Let it go.
Really.
Just make plans to live your life as you see fit.

Invite her to events in your life, yet don't invest any emotional energy into it. Change the locks and don't give her a key and enforce the "call before you come" policy and really mean it.

My Mom dropped by one day unannounced and I refused to let her IN my house. Told her that I was asleep with the baby and didn't hear the door bell. She actually had the balls to go in my back yard as well.

I would recommend that you set yourself some boundaries and make yourself unavailable for times when she is "using" you.

Keep her in your heart and prayers. Keep the child "love" for Mommy. Use your grownup mind to logically see her for a woman that is not the best person to be around.

Cutting a person out of your life is only hurting YOU.
Best wishes.

Answer 3

Actually, my mother put me up for adoption when i was a baby. I was adopted by her uncle. Later, when I found out that i was adopted, and that i knew my biological mother all along, and that it was this big family secret that everybody knew about but me... well you can imagine. That was tough. And it was when I was fourteen. And it was right after my adopted mother died of cancer. I'm thirty now, and I've came to accept things for what they are. I got over my pain, and quit hating everybody for everything. My mother and I are close now, and I've come to understand her reasons. I love her so much. I guess what I'm trying to say is that even if you do tell her to kick rocks, you should look at her upbringing, influences and personality before you judge her behavior. Also, no matter what, you two should love each other and embrace your time together because it won't last forever.

Answer 4

My mom isn't are compatible to be known as a Mum. She has 3 kids and 2 gran kids. She left us at a tender age to begin a brand new lifestyles with an extra guy, her fourth husband, who used to be a type guy. She closed the door on her historical lifestyles. She has been verbally competitive ago, she lies. She's predicament wherein ever she is going. As a outcome we as adults pick to not see her. She has certainly not despatched playing cards for birthdays or at christmas. When her new husband died she attempted to get her loved ones again. She nonetheless attempts while the temper takes her. You could now not pick her as a pal. She is now aged, by myself I have no idea! I wish wherein ever she is she is pleased. You aren't by myself with this, You can holiday the mildew and do greater. Try to not be too down hearted. first-class desires. X

Answer 5

I never disowned my mother. Six months ago today I was at her funeral and God how I miss her. You never really appreciate all the little things until they are gone. You pick up the phone to call. You put the phone back down because she's not there anymore. A simple little thing like a phone call away can't happen now. Please, with Christmas coming, give your mom a hug.

Answer 6

Hey Have you heard that you can not teach old dogs new trick, especially if they are not interested. I do not know how deep it is for you, but it took me scores of years to severe the ties and I waited too long then it got physical when I was trying to explain my feelings. Then ended it without any adjustment period.

Don't wait to long for it to get that bad. Respect goes both ways not only to her because she is your mother.

Answer 7

I feel bad for you just reading this. My mother is truely my best friend. I can not imagine even thinking about disowning her. I also have the greastest mom in the world so I can not understand where you are coming from. I can tell you that I can not imagine you being able to disown her but maybe you should tell her how you feel. See if maybe she does not know what she is doing. Good Luck

Answer 8

No, I've never disowned my mother, came close early on in my marriage because of the conflict that my wife and I had with my mom because she was really against my wife and I getting married. But things are alot better now.

Answer 9

Sounds like you don't have much of an ownership share there to begin with. Try not being there a few times when she shows up. One way or the other, the situation will change, and either way it will be an improvement.

Answer 10

Well, my mother did this (MY mom was happily married to my dad and grandma would try and set her up with other guys because she didn't like my father!). I would say that it made my mom a much happier person and not so depressed and angry. She felt really guilty at not allowing us kids to see our grandma, but I feel it was better all around. (What kid really wants to hear Grandma telling you have horrible your father is, esp. when mom loves him and dad plays with you every day?)