My Husband works offshore. How can i make it easier on our 2 year old son while he's gone?

Question

My husband is a commercial diver and works offshore. He is gone from 4-8 weeks at a time and is only home for about 2 weeks when he gets to come in. My son gets really exited when daddy comes home. But when he leaves out again he is really sad for days. He's too young to understand that daddy has to be away because that is his job. How do I make it easier on him. Any suggestions will be appreciated.

My husband is a commercial diver and works offshore. He is gone from 4-8 weeks at a time and is only home for about 2 weeks when he gets to come in. My son gets really exited when daddy comes home. But when he leaves out again he is really sad for days. He's too young to understand that daddy has to be away because that is his job. How do I make it easier on him. Any suggestions will be appreciated. Please keep in mind that my son doesn't know how to write yet. Also, my husband is offshore, so there is no cell phone signal. He calls around 1am when he gets finished with his work for the day, but my son is in bed by then. i really dont know what to do.

Answer 1

I know how hard that can be. My dad's worked offshore my entire life, and now my fiance is thinking about it ... his father does, too.

Well, most platforms that he'd be on do NOT have internet ... so people, don't suggest teleconferencing. That's not really an option. Satellite internet (which is what it would be) is WAY too expensive for oil companies to use on most rigs. Even those that do, would not have a computer for HIM to use. He doesn't work for the oil company, he likely works for the diving company. Only the 'head bosses' can use the computers whenever they feel like it.

He also won't be able to call every night, since it's too far out for phone service. My dad can call me MAYBE once a week.

So. It's really important for his dad to spend as much time as possible with him while he's off. Go to the park, see a movie, play games, etc. Anything and everything. It'll help them form a close bond.

But while he's gone is much harder, like you say. Does a grandfather or uncle live nearby? He's missing his dad, and another male influence might help him cope. Say he likes playing golf with his dad (my nephew plays with his dad). The day my brother-in-law leaves (he works for Knight ... he's blows up the stuff your husband finds ; ), my fiance and a neighbor take him to the course with them. It takes his mind off things and lets him know that not *everything* changes when daddy leaves. He can still do whatever they do together. What does your son do with his dad? Can someone else do it with him, and make it special?

My mom also used to record my dad (he's the captain of a transport vessel ... probably brings your husband out there!) reading books out loud. When it was bedtime, we'd switch on the tape recorder and read along in whatever book it was ... we usually did half the book each night. She'd do like 20 at a time because we never knew how long he'd been gone. He got tired of reading, yeah ... but we loved it!

My sister-in-law also has 'parties'. Every Saturday that my nephew's dad is gone, they have a movie night. They don't do that while he's there because he doesn't like movies. Is there something like that you could do with your son? It's something special that only happens when daddy is gone ... not to say that it's good daddy's gone, but to show that good things keep happening even though someone leaves, and it also gives him something to look forward to.

Those are some ideas. I hope they help. So many people here work offshore that it's a common thing for me to think about.

And of course, now I'm wondering who you are! You could be a friend or one of my neighbors for all I know! How interesting.

Feel free to email me. I might think of more things that we used to do to cope.

Answer 2

My husband is a truck driver so he's gone for 2-3 weeks at a time, it's not the same, but I understand a bit of what you're dealing with. My three year old ADORES her daddy.

When she talks about daddy I remind her that he's at work and I say "but he always comes back." and that makes her feel better. Also he has a recliner that's just his and it's called "The Daddy chair" she loves sitting in it when she's sad or hurt, it seems to cheer her up. Of course when he's home they sit in it together and snuggle. :) Also we talk about daddy and say "I love daddy." then she says "I love daddy too!" and I tell her "he loves you too." and that makes her happy.

I guess it's all about staying positive and making the most of the time you have all together.

Answer 3

Maybe sometime when your husband is home, have him tape record (or video if you would like) himself reading different books. That way when he's gone, he can still "read to" your son at bedtime (or whenever). Also, if he wears a particular cologne, maybe put a bit on your son's pillow or favorite blanket. If not, how about letting your son sleep in some of your husband's worn t-shirts. It might help him feel like Daddy is with him in a way. Hope it helps. That's got to be hard on the little guy being too young to understand. (And you too!)

Answer 4

I don't know if your son would understand this b/c all 2 yr olds are different but how about trying putting a picture of daddy on a calender the day he is to return and then letting him cross out the day each night before he goes to bed and that way he can see that it is getting closer for dad to come home visually since its hard for 2 yr olds to understand time.

Answer 5

My daughters Dad was gone lots and I talked about him a lot, in the car I would say, remember when we ate there with Daddy and point out things around the house. Keeping him in the everyday conversation will keep familiar. You could also point to Dads favorite chair and say, Daddy always sit here when he watches tv do you want to sit here while we read your book. Hope that helps good luck!

Answer 6

I really don't think it has anything to do with them trying to ignore your child / their sibling. I think it has more to do with their everyday lives being more important to them than that of a birthday party for a two year old. I grew up with my mother and a step father. His two children lived with us a good bit when they were smaller and teens but then they reached a point where they think the lives they have are too important for their father too..unless its a birthday and they are getting money or some major holiday where they know they better show their faces. Its sad to say..but some people really just aren't family oriented..but don't take it to heart..its their loss in the end if they aren't in your sons life.

Answer 7

I used to travel a lot while my daughter was young and we found that saying good bye and I will be back and always bring something back a small something. Stop at the local store if you forget. buy a small nit nak. Then really spend sometime with him or her play... Even now that I am living away from the house during the week for work. It is still hard but we always spend a day together "saturdays park , costco...) that seems to keep her going and she knows dad is coming back at the end of the week and we plan something sometimes family or just the two of us! Seems to ease the separation. Now we email and sometimes talk on the phone! i was going to set a video camera for us to talk over. but that might help in you case. very cheap and yahoo messenger is easy to work. good luck

Answer 8

Get Dad to record himself reading bedtime stories and play them to your son at night. Make sure there are lots of "Daddy and Me" pictures around, and let them talk on the phone as often as possible.

Answer 9

During the time Dad's gone, help him keep a scrapbook of his drawings and leaves and stuff he finds outside... he can put this in has "Daddy" book and share it with him when he gets home. It will give him something to look forward to, collecting things and drawing things for dad while he's gone to share with when he gets home. I did this with my kids while Dad was in the USMC. It helped.

Answer 10

He can write letters or make tapes for daddy. Keep a picture of him by his bed so he can say goodnight to daddy and keep up the telephone contact