How do I get past the fact that my girlfriend wasn't a virgin?

Question

-we've been going out for almost 3 years and are really serious and plan are moving in together soon! and love each other very much.
-however the fact that she had any past sexual exp. bothers me. shes only had sex 4 times(not including myself) 3partners (and never for more than a few min b/c she always stopped it. only oral with only one person. She has also been 100% faithful to me the entire time, i dont even think she has guy friends. that is it for her past.
-and i know that doesn't make her even close to a slut but i still cant get past it!
-i feel even more like an *** because my number is in the teens and ive messed around with alot more.
-yet i still cant get past this(this being the only negative thing in our otherwise great relationship).
-So please give me some good advice/yell at me, whatever.
-and i know im an idiot, selfish, immature, etc for even thinking these thoughts; but that still doesnt change the fact that it constantly bothers me
PLEASE HELP THANKS

Answer 1

seriously who cares how many people she slept with ..you love her right? then it dosent matter

Answer 2

There's not much I can say that you haven't said yourself.

Yes, it sounds immature - but if it bothers you, it's also something serious that you shouldn't ignore. You should deal with it, one way or another.

Try to figure out why that's bothering you so much. Is it because you worry about comparing to her past lovers? Or is it because she no longer seems pure? Is it some other reason? Whatever the case, you need to deal with this before it ruins the relationship you have...and a three year relationship with a girl like that sounds like something you want to save!

Have you talked to her about this? While she might well get upset - after all, how does SHE feel about your dozens of lovers? - but she might also be able to dispel your fears in seconds. After all, she chose YOU, not the guys she was with, right? Trust her...before you lose her.

If you still have trouble with this, try seeing a therapist or counselor - you don't need to be crazy to see one, and isn't she worth it?

Good luck.

Answer 3

You need to stop viewing it as a negative thing and work on letting it go. Honestly, I'm happy that I wasn't a virgin when I met my husband because I'm NOT curious about what it would be like with another man because I've experience that. I wouldn't ever cheat on him, but I think it is human nature to wonder what another person would be like if you have only been with one.

The other thing is try not to talk about the past sexual experiences because it leads no where.

You realize that you are being unfair so forgive her and yourself and focus on other things in your relationship. She is not soiled or ruined so love her for who she is and let go of the past. Everyone has a past so don't let it ruin a wonderful future together!

Best of luck!

Answer 4

Um did you say wife or girlfriend? Your girlfriend is not to be held accountable for something that has nothing to do with you. You have to think about it like this. Say, five years ago you and she were not dating so why should you or her feel guilty about your actions.
Do you think that it would be fair to her if she was a virgin but you have had upteen females? Do you want to be her 1st lover? PUt the shoe on the other foot what if she did not want you because you were not a virgin.

A little word of advise though. Please wrap it up, and get tested for STD's. There is no such thing as casual sex. There are to many things out there that once you get,you cant get rid of.

Answer 5

I understand exactly what you are going through. My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years now and we have been living together for about one year. Neither of us were angels before we started dating, but both of us have been unyieldingly faithful to each other since the day we started dating.

I know he hates it when I mention my past relationships or sexual conquests, so for the most part, I try not to mention them. But when it comes to his past sexual experiences, I HATE IT! I hate thinking that he has ever touched any woman other than myself. It is horribly hypcritical on my part because I have been with about the same number of men as he has women.

What I have discovered is that it bothers me less when I remember that he is 100% with me now. I remind myself that they were in his past when he was young and crazy. And when remembering these things fails to comfort me, I just stop thinking about it all together. Avoidance is bad, yes, but harping constantly on the past is completely destructive.

But honestly, I think you'll find that it bothers you less the longer you live together. Having a life with someone is completely different than ahving had sex with someone. You'll have an entire world that is just the two of you, and soon, all the bullshit from the past will mean less and less.

Answer 6

Was it an issue when you started dating her? That she was not a virgin? This is life and trust me, if this is the only negative thing in your relationship, then you are good to go. You need to move past it. It might be hard for you, but honestly virginity is the last thing in a relationship in today's world that anyone should be worried about. She is healthy, hasn't cheated, and loves you. Be happy you have a woman devoted to you and your life together.

Answer 7

Just keep in mind that youre more of a hoe than she is. Your worse than her, and because of that, she's too good for you. Tell yourself you dont deserve her because youve slept with so many girls that its not fair to her. She doesnt deserve a guy like you. I know many guys who only slept with two girls before committing. Now thats okay, but man you are a dog. Shes too good for you. Did you know that an average of 98% percent of 18 yr old females are not virgins. You act like you can find better, but you wont unless you date some girl who is extremely ugly or imprisoned by her parents until shes 25 or 30.

Answer 8

i am the question asker. i wanted to interject with all of you. I WISH I HAD VALID REASONS TO THINK/FEEL LIKE THIS. BUT I DONT IM COMPLETELY BEING HYPOCRITICAL. im her first everything else beside what i mentioned. so i cant feel inadequate. and she isnt at all spiteful, meaning she never uses this to hurt me. and she never has any advice for me either. and i usually hate asking her/talking to her about this b/c i know i am being a complete idiot and i hate putting her through this stupid conversation over and over. even with all of those things i still cant get past it. i still love her in the best ways. maybe one of your were right when u said i think of her as a good pure person less. maybe thats my fantasy girl: HER, except her past. i dunno why i want this. and ive spent countless hours psychoanalyzing me/us/this. and nothing! i should probably say **** it i love you and lets go see a therapist. since i cant seem to get past it no matter what (this has also ruined a previous relationship), should we see a shrink?

Answer 9

You obviously have issues. You said yourself that your number is in the teens. You can't hold a partner to a standard that you don't follow yourself. If it bothers you that much you need to let her go or possibly get some help. It sounds like you have control issues.

Answer 10

man thats crazy. turn it loose. you will have a LOT of other crap to deal with when you move in together. a working relationship takes work & effort. dont waste valuable energy on something you cant fix. rule of thumb…if you can fix it, fix it. if you cant, turn it loose & find something you can fix

Answer 11

you just get over it....
that's all you can do.
you won't be a virgin forever, and you will be in future relationships. you'ld expect the same from them.