What is proper wedding invitation etiquette? I am a maid of honor but my boyfriend of two years is not invited

Question

I am my youngest aunt's maid of honor. We are fairly close, more so than the other family members. She has just emailed me indicating that my boyfriend of two years, whom I also live with, is not invited due to "wedding invitation restrictions." The location at which she has reserved her wedding is limited to about 120 people. She, via email, said she's very depressed about it and would understand if I backed out, granted with fair time warning.

I less want to go to the wedding, but also want to as it is a great honor. At the same time, I would rather have my boyfriend there. There is no reason other than that that he is not invited, he has been to family dinners and they (from what impression I can gather) like him.

Any advice?? How do I tell my boyfriend??

From the email, she seemed really down about it, and also indicated that it MIGHT be possible to add him provided that one of my grandparents' guests did not come. My grandparents probably invited some people my aunt didn't want to--but they are stodgy old Vietnamese people. :)

Thank you!!! I hadn't realized that he would be sitting at a different table as well. He probably won't be able to come anyway since he may work nights and will be unable to take vacation time.

Thanks all again! ~I really like this new feature of Yahoo's. :) Happy holidays.

Answer 1

Any wedding guest over the age of 18 and in a relationship should have thier significant other included. It's very poor taste to not do so, especially since you are IN the wedding AND live together! This may be the man you one day marry, but even if you don't, it's still majorly tacky to exclude him. Not to push the issue with your aunt, but she needs to let you know if he is or is not on the list ASAP. One, because her answer may affect your decision to participate in the wedding, and two, she needs to know if she is going to replace you as a bridemaid or if she is going to be a gracious bride and invite him. By the way, I had a similar situation happen to me. I wasn't in the wedding, but had been dating my bf for 4 years at the time. He had met most of the family, and still wasn't invited. It wasn't like I was a teenage either, I was 26 at the time. Anyway, we are getting married in July, and he still feels bad that he wasn't included in the family. What can I say? Some people are born in barns and have no manners. Hope it all works out for you!

Answer 2

I can see why you would be offended. Maybe it was intentional, but then again maybe not. The coworker might have though that since the two of you are living together, you'd assume it was for the both of you (but you know what they about assuming). Or, it might have been a careless mistake. My sister is getting married next week and I have run into two cousins and a couple of famiy friends that didn't get invitations. She didn't intentally leave them out. When you actually sit down to think about who all you need to invite to something, well, you'd have to be perfect not to forget about some people (even if they are just as important as some others). This is why when my fiance and I put our announcment in the paper later this year, it will say "All friends and family are invited to attend. Formal invitation are only going out of town." It would probably be a good idea to have your boyfriend politely ask her about it .

Answer 3

This is extremely rude of your aunt. You are after all the maid of honor. If you have lived together for almost two years than the family should consider you and your partner as a pair. If you were married to this man then the decide would be that you could not go as your first loyalty must always be to your husband. Talk to your aunt and explain the difficult position she has put you in. Ask her why she has done this. If she did not like your partner then you should not have been honest with you and the family and not invited you to be maid of honor. If I was you and thought anything of my boyfriend I would not go and I would make sure the whole family knew why.

Answer 4

Well, if he isn't invited, then you can't bring him. It's pretty rude of her to not include him, though.

However, I've been maid of honor before, and you wouldn't get to spend much time with him anyway. You'll be busy doing maid of honor things and sitting at the head table while he's at a guest table. He'd be bored.

I say still be in the wedding. It is only for one night...I'm sure you can be without him for that long. Don't depress your aunt more by making her think that having your boyfriend there is more important than your close relationship with her.

Answer 5

Your aunt is the one not following proper wedding etiquette. It's not like this is your "flavor of the week". If this is your boyfriend of a long time, whether or not you live together, she is supposed to invite you both. If you were married, would she just invited you and not your husband?

You also said that he has already been to other family events and that you are the maid of honor. For both those reasons, she should invite the boyfriend.

Proper etiquette dictates that one does not split up long-term couples (married or not). She would not be under obligation to invite your boyfriend if you just started dating or had been together for only a few months.

Answer 6

Shame on your Aunt.... first of all, to let anyone know that their companion is not invited via e-mail is just rude, also why are you the chosen attendant to not bring a guest? If you cannot bring your friend then all the attendants should not have theirs invited either..., married or not...it does'nt matter...it is just rude to think that she could un-invite your friend because she assume's you will understand her predicament...and to give you the opportunity to back out, then she must not really want you in the wedding party and this is her way of thinking you will back out and ease her conscience, she should have not asked you in the first place to be her Maid of Honor if this was her intentions all along, I would bow out if my guest was not included. All invitation's to un-married people are to be written with name of person & GUEST, doesn't matter if they are related or not.
She also want's a heads up on your answer A.S.A.P., again sorry but I would give this insensitive person such a guilt trip for doing this to me, tell her you cannot attend the wedding either, something has come up.... and you are under no obligation to send a gift if not attending!Case closed !

Answer 7

If the site is limited, the site is limited. As a maid of honor, you have a great deal of duties to attend to during the ceremony and reception, so your boyfriend might feel left out anyway. Let your aunt that you both understand, and that you still want to be a part of the wedding. You and your boyfriend can celebrate with a private family dinner with your aunt and her new husband after they return from their honeymoon.

Answer 8

It is extremely poor manners to invite "half a couple" to a wedding. Casual dating does not count, but ANY long term comitted relationships like living together, married, engaged, etc-- DEFINITELY you have to invite both people in the couple!

Your aunt is making a major etiquette mistake. You have every right to be upset at her. I hope she didn't so this to other people too.

She should have designed her guest list differently, with that space limitation in mind. What she is doing is not right, and it's a major snub to her guests' relationships.

On the other hand, if you try to twist her arm about it and try to get him invited as well, then that puts YOUR etiquette in the wrong. So you can either accept the single invitation or decide not to attend-- those are your only options.

(WHY oh why don't more people read etiquette books BEFORE planning such important life occasions, so they don't make huge etiquette mistakes like this?)

Answer 9

If your aunt can only seat 120 people then she only has room for 120 people. Some people that are not family or close friends of her's and her fiance's will get cut from the list unfortunately. Let me ask you this, is this just a seating issue? Is it ok if he shows up after dinner for the dancing? That way he won't be taking up a seat and can still hang out with you after dinner - that is when all the fun starts anyway!

Answer 10

Your Aunt needs to remember one key thing. At the least she can expect a small amount not to show. No matter the well intentions of others something always happens. I believe if she looks over everything closely she can make room for your boyfriend. You are her BridesMaid and it is very rude of her to not invite your other half.
If on the rare and I do mean very rare occassion that everyone accepts the invite and shows she could consider not inviting a few co-workers ir people that she really is not that close to.