I broke up with him when I stopped taking his calls.. then changed my phone number.( got fed up of his childish demands and tantrums)
Unfortunately We attend thesame college. So, I saw him this past day and he wants us to be friends.
At first I said "Okay" cause I felt pity for him ( He looked really destitute). Then He just starts calling me, I get pissed of and refused to take any of his calls (bad memories)
Then I run into him again and I tell him: "I don't want to be friends with you"
He left very hurt... his voice actually broke ( no joke). Why the reaction?
2006-12-14 12:39:28 · 24 answers · asked by venom! 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I think you are are right about making the decision to say you do not want to be friends. It sounds like you truly don't, so why lie? To save HIS hurt feelings? Your feelings are more important. Him looking forlorn and speaking with a choked voice is HIS problem. You cannot save him from his own inability to pick himself up, dust himself off, and get on with his life. He has to do that for himself and the quicker he realizes that there is no hope in hell for you getting back together (by the way, being friends is code for "do we have a chance?"), the quicker he'll be able to do that.
His reaction is normal, he's hurt, but again, that is his problem and he has to find ways to deal with it. That is what life is about. Being able to confront our pain and deal with it. We learn from it and if we're smart it turns from a negative to a positive.
2006-12-14 12:46:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
A lot can happen in a years time.
I don't know your ex, and i'm not sure how well you know him, but he might be the 'deep down sensitive' kind of person.
He could have lost a close friend or relative or had some other kind of trauma happen to him while you two were not talking, and it might have shaken him up a bit.
I'm not sure why you broke up, and if he still had feelings for you at the time of the break up, but he might be going to you because he is possibly lonely and felt he could trust you to be your friend.
If you really don't want to be his friend, then you communicated that to him quite well.
If he is truely that hurt, and you feel bad about it and you might be willing to give him a second (or third) chance if he tones down on the calls.. then you need to tell him that.
2006-12-14 20:44:14 · answer #2 · answered by Knight D 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Cause you made him remember the good times that you two had together in the barn behind the old mill, underneath the mistletoe on Friday night every night time for you to go to his house and be his best friend in the hole e ol e o state of confusion and gracefully accept their nomination as queen of the damned for the sixth time today tomorrow and for the next five minutes we will be conducting a test of the emergency brawd spectrum analysis in Russian and Japanese simultaneously at the same time together connected right after these messages are the best way to maintain intimacy without finding all your own favorite flavored candle wax pictures of me when you were a baby cakes always good for your favorite place.
2006-12-14 20:47:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe your ex might be a little annoying, but maybe you could still be friends with him. But make it very clear that you are only friends. When he calls you, pick up and make a friendly conversation, but if he tries to go on a topic that you feel uncomfortable about, change the subject or just say you are busy and have to go. After a while, he will realize that you really want to be only friends, and he will stop trying to "get" you.
2006-12-14 20:42:14 · answer #4 · answered by julia 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you write him a letter/e-mail explaining the situation? As an alternative you could have an impartial third person explain to him what's going on , and what you would really like to happen...(i.e.: Yes, I want to be friends, but phone calls limited to three a week, and subjects of discussion kept neutral....or no, I had fun with you, but we need to part ways, etc...) hopefully you know what you want.
2006-12-14 20:45:56 · answer #5 · answered by Player 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because you're being REALLY MEAN maybe. Some people don't want to break up, and they have to keep doing the calling you all the time thing. I think you could have approached it in a better way, but at least you got your point accross. Obviously he still wants to be with you.
2006-12-14 20:42:53 · answer #6 · answered by Brandnewshoes 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you were wrong for reacting that way, it's totally understandable for a women in your position to have such rushed emotions. But, i do think maybe you should take a moment to think about having a real friendship with this guy, i mean unless he's, you know, done something to really hurt.(verbal or physical abuse) i mean everyone deserves a second chance. if not love then maybe friendship.
2006-12-14 20:47:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may feel guilty at the moment, but that is better than having him ring you all the time. Telling him you want to be friends when you really don't is a lie and the longer the lie continues the more he is going to be hurt.
2006-12-14 20:43:54 · answer #8 · answered by Lock 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because you totally handled that wrong. You need to apologize and have a real talk with him. Let him know how you feel, why and where you are at right now. Sounds like he really felt more for you than you did for him.
2006-12-14 20:44:02 · answer #9 · answered by Lisa 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are wrong. It obviously hurt him when you two broke up- and it was wrong to agree to a friendship when you didn't mean it. You hurt him all over when you told him you didn't want to be friends after you said that you did......shame on you.
Maybe you should define to him what kind of a relationship you would like to have with him, tell him you would like to catch up when you see him, but to please not call. You have to tell him how you really feel and be straightforward and honest or you're just going to have a mess on your hands.
2006-12-14 20:46:02 · answer #10 · answered by Jessiham 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋