I am 29 and married to the man of my dreams. We have been waiting to have children (finances, fun, etc...) I am having a crisis because I want so badly to have children and I have just been recommended for the job of my dreams. If I take it, I will have to make a two year commitment (it includes working on my Master's Degree--and I have to be employed for the program).
My goal has always been to be home with my children until they are school age. I missed my mom growing up, and I intend to give up everything necessary in order to be home with them.
What would you do in my situation...put a hold on the job (and possibly miss the opportunity) or put off having children to accomplish this task??
Anybody make a similar decision and have regrets??
2006-12-14 12:29:15 · 29 answers · asked by tellme 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
This is definately a decision that should be made with your spouse. I am married, with 5 kids and I too was in a dilema at one point-choose my career or have kids? My spouse and I decided before we ever had kids that I would also stay home and raise our children, it has been financially trying at times but I truly believe that if I have kids I should raise them, not a stranger. But I am not against mom's working outside the home out of necessity either. If you look at it like this, take the job and work for a year before you TRY to conceive. Conceiving really isn't easy, especially if you have been on birth control like the pill for a long time ( I struggled with infertility with my first two), assuming it takes a few months to get pregnant, you will finish your two year commitment before the baby arrives. If you choose to go back to work, then you will have the experience you need, and you wont feel like you have sacraficed either want. Talk to your husband, see how he feels about it-and make the decision together so that neither party feels like they didn't get a chance to be heard. Good luck! I will tell you that being a stay at home mom is the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life-has horrible pay, but wonderful benefits!
2006-12-14 12:42:23 · answer #1 · answered by Holl 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, the decision is ultimately yours. What do you want? 29 is not so old that you couldn't wait a couple of more years to have children if you really want to. However, you state your goal has always been to be a stay-at-home mom. If that is TRULY your goal--go for it--that will probably make you the happiest. What is your husband's input on the situation? It should be a decision both of you agree upon. Whatever you decide, you must think it through carefully so you will not have any regrets. Being a stay-at-home mom is not as glamorous a job as being out in the working world, but it can have just as many satisfactions. Financially can you afford it--you know, house pymts, car pymts, etc? I decided to quit a job many years ago--a fairly decent government job--so I could stay home and be a mom. I didn't have any regrets, but it is a personal decision between you & your husband.
2006-12-14 20:38:55 · answer #2 · answered by conni 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My opinion is you should stick with the job. If I was in you situation and i had this oppurunity I won't pass it up. At least try it for 2 years and if you and your husband still want kids then you can talk about it again but this job may never happen again for you. You need a job to help take care of children and you mentioned that you want children but I'm not say competely stop that idea but hold it off for a few years until you get your master degree and see. You don't need to rush it. Your young and you got time. This job may be a once in a lifetime oppurunity and if you miss it you could regret it. Just give it 2 years and see what happens. That's what i would do if I were in your situation.
2006-12-14 20:42:45 · answer #3 · answered by Irish Girl 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Is your want to have children rational or just your animalistic (maternal) instinct? I'd go for the career if it's something worth while not just for you, but for other people as well. There are enough people having children now that no one is going to miss out on your kids except you. It's selfish to have children. People usually do it when they've given up on their own dreams and that's usually very early on. No wonder the world never gets any better. Breed and breed and breed and never do anything because the children will do it. See, you'll be giving up on your career to pop out a few kids, who I'm sure you will think the world of, but the world is an over populated place full of unwanted and abused children. Why not adopt in a few years time?
2006-12-14 20:37:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your education and career are now the next important step in raising your children. Things I'm sure you want for your children such as being at home with them is all nice and everything, but realistically you need to be able to support your children now. You dint want to have to do this in your 30's or 40's to feel like you now are able to accomplish your education.
Do it now.
I have chosen going to school full time over working a job I love.
But I need to do this now, so I wont have the regret when I get older. My 4yr will still be in a environment she loves with her playmates at school, and I'm sure your children will be fine as well
Take Care.
2006-12-14 20:34:51 · answer #5 · answered by msconfused 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait for the family, if you don't do this that will be your regret. Your still young and the baby can wait just a little bit longer. That is one of my own regrets in life although I love my boys, but if I could do it all over again I would have done the career thing first. I only say that because I feel that I would have offered them even more in life. Good luck with what ever decision you make.
2006-12-14 20:34:35 · answer #6 · answered by Ms.Deb 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My kids are 2 and 4 and I have stayed home with them since they were born. I couldn't imagine someone else getting to see their first step or their first word. And if you take this job, you will be at least 31 before you want to have a kid... which means you will probably be 32 by the time the baby is born. That's starting to get a little older than the average mother.
But then if you don't have this job, are you going to be able to support your children?
Is there some way you could take night classes perhaps? It is possible to juggle children and a career.
2006-12-14 20:33:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Dont put it off. Take the job becasue the job will allow you to provide a better enviroment for the children. Besides at 31 your still young enough to have children. Take the job because oppurtunities like that wont come very often. bite the bullet and just suck it up for another two years. You wont regret it.
2006-12-14 20:33:24 · answer #8 · answered by Juan J 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Either is a valid choice, and nobody can make the decision for you.
Just realize that whichever you choose, the other will suffer. Your career will never get completely back on track if you choose to have kids. And you can never get the time back with your kids if you choose to have them and take the job. The only other choice is no kids. Are they worth giving up your dream for? Only you can know that.
2006-12-14 20:32:43 · answer #9 · answered by Lisa A 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough one. I would take the job, but I would also consider getting pregnant in the next two years. No employer can tell you that you can't get pregnant. Start the Master's program and take the promotion. Don't try and get pregnant for the first year of the new job, but then maybe consider it. If it happens, it happens, "happy accident". Don't wait too long. Your fertility starts to decline rapidly the older you get. You don't want to have to go through a bunch of fertility treatments and stuff like that.
Congrats on the new job!
2006-12-14 20:33:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋