Neglected Kids? Bad environment?

Question

So I have this friend. She has 7 kids.. ages 19, 16, 11, 8, 5, 3, and 7 months. Their house is a complete disaster. So much junk, clutter, dirt... barely a walk way through rooms. The kitchen has dirty dishes piled up that look months old. The rugs looks like it has never been vacuumed and parts of the house have no rugs, just plywood floor. The house is just a complete wreck and is sooo horrible. She is my friend, but now I want to report her to social services!

What makes a house unsafe for kids? They have a crib for the 7 month old, but it is filled to the brim with junk so I don't even know where he sleeps. They have running water and heat, so is their house a concern? Is excessive dirt and clutter enough for Social Services to be involved.

I have been telling her for months and months to clean her house, and she has been telling me she has been working on it... but I just saw it today and it is HORRIBLE!

Should I report her?

Answer 1

well, before reporting her (unless you deem her house totally unfit to occupy), why don't you offer to give up a saturday or sunday and have her older kids (all who can help) and yourself and her of course (is she married?- get man muscles involved here too) and do a clean sweep on her house. it would be a great gesture on your part. if she does not want to accept your sincere offer, then i would definitely say yes, make the phone call. but before all the children get separated to different foster homes or what other places they will be assigned, i would try to help my friend. maybe she is so lost in all the clutter and debris, that she sees no possible way to find the front door much less the back door. maybe she needs positive encouragement. if you have tried to talk to her, try again and set a specific day and time (better start early) that you will be at her home and bring trash bags, cleaning supplies, brooms, etc. you get the idea. if she let's you in, and does not make any attempts in getting fired up and grabbing some crap off the floor, then tell her you are sorry but you will no longer be able to come visit her as long as she is living in the unsanitary conditions. do not tell her you are going to report her. just make the phone call and tell GOD you are trying to help her and the seven children. GOD will find a way to get through to your friend. you are a very caring friend though so she is lucky to have you. i understand your frustration and concern.
no children should be subjected to these kinds of living conditions. good luck and keep us posted.

Answer 2

It depends on what you mean by 'bad character'. If you are talking about narcissists or sociopaths, that is a genetic thing. I come from a long line of them & just recently found out that is is INDEED hereditary. There is also the fact that some know no different. I was raised Fundie Baptist. We were taught atheists were devil-worshippers, gays were the most immoral people on earth, etc. I knew nothing different, so I believed it. I've read stories about those who were raised FLDS or Amish that didn't know anything other than how they were raised. People living in the ghetto have a tendency to stay in the ghetto. It's way too complicated to put in black & white, a neat little box. Like most things, it's very complex. The 'vicious cycles' people talk about, well that's usually what happens with people.

Answer 3

Watch your step. This could hurt both you, her, and the children. Where is the spouse? Is she a single mother? What is her financial status? Have you been in her house and surveyed the scene thoroughly? It’s true that a house should be sanitary, but it is also true a family should remain unsheltered. To take a child, in this case seven children, away is a painful and difficult process for the people involved. The courts are bound and the social workers are limited in what they do. Are you jumping the gun? Maybe she is doing her best. Why not offer to help her out? Keeping a child with their parent is essential to the development of a healthy, rounded, social being. If she refuses help or the conditions worsen, and the children are genuinely suffering, then you’ll have no choice but to report her for child neglect.

Answer 4

If she's your friend, why don't you offer to help her clean it? She might just need help once a week or something, but do you think she's a bad mom and needs her kids taken away?

Maybe she just needs help organizing once, or you could talk to her kids about helping mom out. She's got a baby on her hands, and priorities probably aren't a show home right now. I'm surprised she has dishes months old, a big family like that probably doesn't have enough dishes for the whole family just to be sitting around.

CPS probably won't care unless there are feces or a large number of bugs.

Answer 5

That's a hard question to answer, but.... I would. You shouldn't keep a 7 mo old in junk/dirt like that. What if he or the 3 year old pick something up and put it in his mouth and begans to choke??? You already tried talking to her about it. Now you should be looking out for the children. Let HER live in the junk and dirt and filt, don't let those kids suffer.

P.S- If she got a 19, 16, 11, and 8 year olds, they should know how to clean up behind themselves also. They're old enough. But it is DANGEROUS to have that 3 y/o and 7 mo old live like that.

Answer 6

no if you are a true friend you will step in and help her meaning you will help her clean the house,take care of the kids,obviously you dont know the meaning of friendship the system is so fu ck ed up how could you live with yourself knowing you have seperated a family im sure all she knows is her kids lives for them die for them the system isnt all that 99% of kids that were taken from their parents have turned out to be more fuc ked up kids come up dead in foster homes child abuse in homes are for real including foster homes and what kills me is how the sytsem will take kids from a drug inviorment and place them with total strangers for those kids to be molested,killed,neglected,etc......do the real research on the system before you desrtoy what GOD has put together i challenge you to take some of the younger kids while she cleans up everyone is different what we consider trash is someone elses gold do your self a favor and leave her alone if you cant help her you shouldnt be trying to destroy her you are not perfect embrase her and those kids with love tell her that you will call if she dont get her act together try to make a schedule where the older kids clean one entire area and you clean one she cleans one be a nannie im saying you like you are the daddy but again i say if you cant lift her and those kids up with help dont destroy what you didnt give

Answer 7

some people just live like pigs but that does not mean they are abusers..you could call CPS but they won,t do anything about a dirty house,their only concern is the children and if they are being abused.chances are they have alwys lived this way ....if her kids are fed and they are not abused then it won,t do any good to report them,all you will do is lose your friend.

Answer 8

unless the house is a danger to the kids, she is doing nothing wrong. maybe you should volunteer your services for a weekend and help her clean it if you are really that concerned about it. either that or buy here a few housecleaning sessions for Christmas. i assume that she is a single parent and it can't be easy trying to raise that many children.

Answer 9

What you could do is enlist a bunch of friends and neighbors to go over there and clean her house for her, she may like it that way and leave it that way. If it goes back to the way it is now-Report her!

Answer 10

One other issue is that there may be rodents infesting the home. If so, the kids could be bitten and cause some real medical problems. Social Services will check it out if you call. If it's OK then they won't do anything. But it certainly wouldn't hurt to make the call.