why does my husband have terminal cancer and has about 6 months.What am i going to tell his kids?

Question

I CAN'T STAND TO HEAR PEOPLE THAT SAY THEY HAVE PROBLEMS LIKE MY BOY FRIEND BROKE UP AND I'M DEPRESSED??I HAVE TWO GIRLS 13 & 15 AND THEY ARE WATCHING THIER DADDY FADE AWAY.WE LOST OUR HOUSE AND ALL OTHER ASSETS DUE TO HAVEING TO FILE BANKRUPCY BECAUSE HE COULD NO LONGER WORK??HE IS A UNITED STATES TAX PAYING CITIZEN BUT BECAUSE WE HAVE A LITTLE MONEY IN A 401K WE CAN'T GET ASSISTANCE. BUT OUR GOVERMENT WILL BRING IN A IMMAGRATNT AND TEACH THEM HOW TO FLY A PLANE IN OUR OWN TWIN TOWERS???WHEN I WENT TO FILE FOR FOOD STAMPS WE WERE DENIED BUT THE 4 PEOPLE IN FROUNT WALKED OUT WITH THEM AND THEY COULN NOE EVEN SPEAK ENGISH????NOW MY HUSBAND WILL DIE IN A TRAILER THAT MT PARENTS BOUGHT US IN A NASTY TRAILER PARK?? NOW ASK ME AM I DEPRESSED???HAVE I THOUGHT ABOUT SUCIDE???I CANT IMAGIN LIFE WITH OUT MY SOAL MATE...

Answer 1

As tragic as it is to lose a loved one, it's a part of life and we all move on. I suggest you stop feeling sorry for yourself and imagine what your husband is going through. You think he wants to die? You think he wants to leave his family? Get a grip and start making his last days as pleasant as possible. Then I suggest you two plan what's best for your girls and stick to it. You need to display the strength and adult should have at the point of turmoil in life, otherwise, your action will spill over to your kids who will believe they need to run whenever problems in life occur.

There are no guarantees in life. Honor the memory of your husband, live life for him and for your girls. Mourn his death for no more than one weak, then get back on your feet and start your life again. YOU HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE. Your girls DEPEND ON YOU. Now show them what their mother is capable of doing.

God Bless.

Answer 2

You're very distraught and the emotional atmosphere is stifling!
Don't think that you're the only person that's suffering such a tragedy. There are worse things than death and you are living proof of it. I feel so sorry that any one has to endure such a heartbreaking trial that you are going through. You should be strong for your kids (even if it's not true) because they don't have the security that they need and they can't make it better for you, most kids try at the expense of themselves.
Instead of concentrating on what's wrong and all the unfairness, start aiming at 'the other side'. I mean the out come. What is it that you want to happen out of this? To draw attention to minorities? no!....focus on finding people, or institutions.Why not ask for donations directly by talking to your local TV station and appeal to peoples sympathy, and tell them this heartbreaking story! Tell them how badly you need help. I am one of those that would pick up the phone and make a donation!
There are many that can use that donation as a tax write off, and some have stuff that you need that they just want to get rid of.
Be grateful for what you get, and pray to God for relief from your pain, He'll listen.

Answer 3

First of all, my sympathies are with you!
But you need to face all these problems bravely, as there's no choice.
1. Suicide will only leave your children much worse off. That's not a good answer. You owe it to them to live and make the best of them, that your husband will be proud of. Assure your husband you'll take care of them.
2. Read, as quickly as you can, "How To Stop Worrying And Start Living" by Dale Carnegie. You'll realize how, 100's of live people, in flesh and blood, faced much worse situations bravely and came out successfully (Abraham Lincoln was one, and he went on to become,... you know what!). Learn a step-by-step approach to overcoming your problems and depression.
3. Some level of philosophizing will help, when you're very depressed. Time will just fly. You can recall your early school days vividly. It all appears just recent. And yet, so many years have passed by. Soon we'll ALL be dead and gone. So, we won't have a problem to solve. But this is not to say, just keep quiet. Try to do your best in the situation.
4. Email me when in depression, if you still need help. I'll try to put you back in good spirits.
5. I'm sure you must be good at something (-perhaps you haven't discovered it yet!?). Or you could develop some skill that the world will be willing to pay for. Think calmly and identify it (one or more). Come up with an innovative idea that will earn you and your family a living. Consult me privately, if you want, giving more details. I guess I could advice.
6. There are at least some people in the world who are capable of handling such situations, and coming out on top, seeing their children achieve great things in life despite adversities. I wish and fervantly hope you're one!
7. While it is difficult to tell kids, you must, slowly prepare them for it. Tell them in instalments, so they can take it. But before that you should have started on all the above, and be brave, so they know you're there to help them come up in life. Assure them!
8. And,... don't give up on your husband! Miracles do happen. Who knows, your husband may live much, much longer. Doctors' statements aren't necessarily the last word. Try alternative systems of medicine, yoga, meditation, philosophy, religion...
All the very best!

Answer 4

I am so sorry. I know that's not much coming from someone you don't even know. And sorry doesn't help or make your husband better, but I really am. Life is so unfair sometimes, and it seems like the people that deserve the best, get the worst. I don't know if you believe in God, but I'm sure if you do, you're questioning if he exists now. Cause I know I did when I lost people I loved. It's so hard and I just want to say that I feel for you, and there are people going through things just like you that you can talk to. maybe go to a chat room and talk to people dealing with the same things, talking about it and venting can maybe help you. And I am so sorry about your daughters, I know there's really nothing to tell them, they're gonna have to learn at a young age that sucky things happen to good people and people die. But you have to try to believe that your husband is going to a better place. That's what I tell myself. It helps a little. And I feel like this here where we live is hell and to die is to be taken out of hell. There will be no more pain for your husband. I really am sorry and I will have your family in my prayers. I know it's hard to go through these things. And I know it must be terrible for you, but just surround yourself with family and friends and people that you can talk to. And spend as much quality time as you can with your family together.

Answer 5

I'm sorry. It really sucks our country can't provide for it's own yet takes in others and provides for them. I would get that money out of your account, spend it on making him comfortable or trying some treatments, show the receipts to public assistnace that there is no money it was spent, and reapply. File bankruptcy and get rid of all the debt and make sure the trailor is in your parents name and not yours or your husbands because public assistance won't let you "own" anything, even a cemetary plot they make you sell it, it's a cruel world. I been through cancer and public assistance and now am on disability and it's not alot better but it is better. can he apply for disability, obviously he can't work so he should be eligible. Since he can't work would you be able to get any survivors benefits? I would check into everything, talk to a social worker and apply for everything and anything you can. they have programs where you can be trained for ajob while on assistance, I would take them up on that, you can get a job later on and provide for the girls. You gotta be strong, have some hope, and do what you can with what you have.

Answer 6

Number one im 17 so you may not like my answers I lost my father at 5 it was extremely hard and untill this day still is This is what i wish would of happened after the fact...... Make the most of your time i dont mean go bungy jumping but crying everyday wont get you anywhere get in individual time with him you and the kids and i still wish that my father would of done this Have him write each child a letter individually and dont give it to them until after he dies try to let it be in his handwriting so theyll know it was from his heart and right down every memory posible so it will never ve forgotten and it does happen one last time even though he may not look his best try to get him on camera talking just having a conversation so youll never forget what he sounded like I really hope this helps i know these things would of ment alot to me

I hope you and your family can look to Jesus for help.... Love and Prayers are sent to you

Answer 7

Wow. I am really sorry to hear this. I hope that things go easy for you all. Tell the kids the truth. They are old enough to know, and will figure it out anyway.
As far as what can you do? Check with local churches and aid groups. Perhaps someone locally can give a helping hand.
Life without him is going to be hard, I can only imagine how hard. Be strong for your entire family and enjoy the time that you have with him. Be upbeat as possible, he deserves to see your smile now.

Get help if you are contemplating suicide. I understand why but your daughters will never understand.

I truly hope that things go easy for you all.

Answer 8

Think about it this way.. would you rather want to tell them now.. so they can support him while he's getting treatments.. or god forbid tell them when it's too late.. and they didn't have the chance to spend their time enjoying life with him.. i know what i would do..

i lost my grandmother to cancer two years ago.. i know it's not the same as losing a parent.. but she changed my diapers more often than my mother did.. she raised me when my parents worked.. she's sort of like a mother.. anyways.. i overheard my parents discussing her cancer.. not planning to tell me.. i freaked out.. because they hadn't told me earlier.. i'm not sure how old your children are... BUT i was glad i got to spend time with her.. and communicate with her in her final hours.. i cried more when she was alive and in pain then when she actually passed away.. it was my way of coping because i had realized that her time has come and she was better off than to be in pain... i dont' want to sound all negative.. but think.. if it were your dad.. would you want to know..?? then do what your heart tells you



the next thing... you need to talk.. talk.. and more talk.. there are soo many ways to help him get through this.. i work in a hospital and have heard all kinds of 'miracle' stories.. just stay close.. pray if you have faith and show him you're there.. suicide is not going to save the children.. try to think of the good instead of the bad.. and best of luck to all of you.. i know it's hard to not know what's coming

Answer 9

I'm sorry. I know its a terrible thing to see a loved one fading away. I watched my mother wither away with cancer. I know its easy to be angry and hurt and ask the why questions. Its easy to hate people who might have it easier than you do at this moment. Please don't think about suicide. Your husband would want you to be happy not thinking about suicide. I really can understand what you are going thru. it will take time but things will get better. It doesn't seem like it now but it will. Try to enjoy the precious moments you have with him now. Let him say his goodbyes when he is ready and you should say your goodbyes also. Listen to anything he might want to tell you even if you don't want to hear it. Try to prepare yourself for the end. You really need to prepare yourself. Look into joining a support group. You need to talk to people who understand what you are going through. The loneliness and frustration. The anger and the hurt. There are people who can help you get thru it but remember your life is worth living. Its hard but I hope you will seek out help and get thru this. Remember that you can make the trailer you live in a home with you love and caring. Its not what you have its what you make of it. You can do it for you, your husband and your kids. Remember your kids need their mother now more than ever and you need to be strong for them.
God Bless You -Take care of you and yours!

Answer 10

I'm truly sorry about your situation but you must calm down and take one thing at a time. I don't think you need to prepare yourself to tell the kids that what's going on in your life. Tell them that the dad will not be with us much longer and you all will have to be strong and be there for each other.