My hubby is in the military and in Iraq. We have a boy that's almost 4 and I just gave birth to our second child (a girl) 3 weeks ago. I am having trouble adjusting to having two children now. I don't want my son to feel left out, but my newborn takes so much of my time and attention. I don't have much real help from family or friends. Hubby will be home in two months. How do I survive until then?
2006-12-14 11:24:20 · 18 answers · asked by honeybear 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
I think any mom can relate to adding another baby , my husband works 16 hours a day, 7 days a week most of the time so I fely much like you do. Give yourself & your son another 3 to 4 weeks to adjust & you will be old pro's, when your husband gets back he will wonder how he got so lucky as to marry super mom...ps you dont have to tell him it didnt start that way,hehe. Lots of Luck
2006-12-14 11:32:08 · answer #1 · answered by notAminiVANmama 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are nursing your new wee one then make a nursing bag for your older one changing the items in it at least once a week so its always interesting. That way when you sit to nurse your baby your son will be there, and he has his own special time too. Also include him in caring for the baby, washing, feeding, changing. For each deed he does with helping you with the baby praise him for a job well done and tell him how lucky this baby is to have a big brother like him. Also set aside babys sleep time to spend some xtra time with him. No one says he cant help with house work either. Lay out a pile of clothes infront of the washer and show him how to play "Laundry Basketball". Any chore he can help just come up with a way to turn it into a game. Things will get better as time goes on. Organization and structure are the keys. I hope these were some helpful ideas. I wish you luck!
2006-12-14 11:59:42 · answer #2 · answered by Ashlynn's Mommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boy is 4, not 4 months. Make him a helper and not a dependant.While he needs you a lot, he doesnt need you as much as a new born, and he's going to have to step up and be big brother, and not little baby boy now.
Kids are well suited for adapting to life as an older sibling, and he will take great pride in helping mom in any way he can.
You might have to call and ask family to come help you.
If the new born is sleeping, have the son watch a cartoon quietly while you power nap in the same room. Put a gate up so you can hear him leave the room.
When you have an extra few minutes, make a couple plates of food and stick them in the fridge for lunch and dinner. Double the portions you cook for meal times and freeze half for another meal the next day.
You will survive, i promise, it just feels like you wont.
Take the pressure off yourself and stop trying to parent two newborns, your four year old can be more helpful to you than you realize, and it will not harm his development. It will build his confidence and give him a sense of pride in his family and his abilities.
2006-12-14 11:29:28 · answer #3 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a 5yr old and gave birth to my second child two weeks ago. My hubby too is gone and my family lives miles and miles away.Yes it is tough. I am still adjusting though. Sacrifice some more sleep for your 4yr old. This is what i have been doing so i hope it helps. I breastfeed so i pump a bottle and let her feed the baby at least once a day. (this also helps me to fold clothes etc.) I ask her to go get pampers, alcohol, even get me water. and when she comes back i say thank you big sister and give her a high five. That makes her feel like she has done something big. When the baby is awake i go site in my oldest childs room and watch her color etc. I make my 5yr old take a nap during the day at the same time the baby goes down to allow rest time for me. Get to bed early at nite and while hubby is away let the oldest child sleep in his spot. They enjoy sleeping with mommy. When you fix snacks sit at the table with him/her. Call your 4yr old in the room sparatically and say kiss your sissy head. And the biggest advice yet. ALWAYS ALWAYS talk to your child and explain that mommy loves him/her and that the new baby is little and needs alot of mommys attention. keep him/her in the loop. explain constanly that when the baby gets stronger they will be playing together all the time. (Which gives them something to look foward to. I hope this helps. So far it has help me.
feel free to email me if you need further chats. P.S. If you have church members or girlfriend that you are close with, (preferably one with a child) ask one of them to pick your child up for an hour. Trust me they will be glad to help.
2006-12-14 11:47:28 · answer #4 · answered by Margaritta 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give the 4 year old special things he can do to help with the baby. Ask him to bring a diaper, help feed her, etc. Give him lots of praise and tell him how much the baby loves him. Make sure that after every time he helps, he gets some one-on-one attention. Read a book with him, play a game, paint or draw pictures.
If your 4 year old still naps, get him to nap at a different time from the baby, so that he has alone time with you.
2006-12-14 11:28:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Calm down.
I just made the transition my self. When I first came home i was feeling very overwhelmed too. But give your self time at least another month for everything to adjust and it will work itself out.
Don't be afraid to ask for hlep.
Mothers nad mother in laws are great. So are sisters and grandmas.
Anyone who can lend a hand once in a while.
My daughter is three months now and things have finally gotten back to normal.
2006-12-14 11:35:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am interested to read these answers because number 2 is on the way for me, and my hubby is gone a lot as well. Good luck! If you have help close by, family friends take up every offer you get! And remember it is only a temporary situation, soon you children will be buddies.
2006-12-14 11:29:18 · answer #7 · answered by cliffhanger 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes organization. Plan your day as best you can. If you attend church call on someone from church. It will get easier for you as time goes on. Do what is necessary and let your four year old help with the baby so he will not feel left out. While you are giving your girl her bottle read a story to your son. If you are bathing the baby let your son help. If you are doing laundry let him help fold clothes. He will not feel left out if he is part of what you are doing. Don't tell him to go get this and go get that, but when you need something let him help you.
2006-12-14 11:33:44 · answer #8 · answered by oldone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make your son your helper. When the baby needs changing ask him to hold the diaper and the wipes for you. Let him feed her sometimes (if you breastfed this would not be an option unless you pump) and help burp her. Does he know is ABC's have him sing them to her so that she can learn them too. Always tell him he is a big help, and what a good job he is doing. Hey you can probably even get him to help you clean when the baby is asleep. Get him a small broom and you guys can sweep together.
2006-12-14 11:30:20 · answer #9 · answered by The Invisible Woman 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just relax and don't worry about the unimportant things like a messy house. Your priorities are to have a healthy, happy, secure family. Also, make sure you pay the bills on time. The rest is not a priority. When your husband comes home, you can worry more about the other things, but for now, just bond and love each other. I wish I had two babies right now. Mine are secure, grown, and gone.
-- Ohio
2006-12-14 11:36:26 · answer #10 · answered by J89434 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋