4 year relationship, do I stay or move on?

Question

I don't even know where to begin. I have been with the same guy for 4 years, we're in our mid-late 20s. Prior to being with me, he was with his highschool girflriend for many years, and she just kind of left him with no explanations. I was his first real relationship after that. Sometime she calls him, or his mom, as pathetic as that sounds, trying to get back together. He blows it off, but deep down I have always thought he wasn't over her. He says he is. They have been broken up for almost 7 years. I don;t know what it is, just an instinct i have, that he's just not done with that yet.

Now we are at a place in our lives where we should be moving forward, or at least be at the point where we know we want to spend the rest of our lives together, and he just doesn't know that. He says "he wants to get there" and he thinks we will, and he wants it, but we just "aren't there yet." What do i do with that? How do i know he is over the ex and that is not the reason why?

Answer 1

Four years at the age you two are should be enough time for the average person to know if the long term commitment is there or not. There may be more factors than his ex determining why he isn't ready to make the "jump" yet. Are you both comfortable around each other? Can you have an honest conversation with him without feelings getting hurt? DO you live together?
If you are having these doubts due to his reaction toward moving on you both really need to talk about it. Analyze your relationship and figure out if marriage is in the picture ofr both of you.
If he still does have feelings for this High school sweetheart he may be blowing her off due to still feeling a little hurt about her just leaving him with no explanation.
If he doesn't maybe he is still unsure of what "love" really means. Some people who thought they were in love (his previous relationship) and were hurt by this one they loved, may be unsure of what love is if that hurtful relationship wasn't love. Give him a chance to express his feelings. If my experience says anything you will probably have to bring up the subject and convince him to open up with his feelings. Good Luck!

Answer 2

Wow that's tough. If I were you I'd try to forget the ex part because it sounds like you feel that is the main hindrance of your relationship's progression. I think your problem is with him and you feel that he's not where you need him to be. I know its been said many times, but you can't force that kind of thing. Either he will or he won't. You need to focus on you and what you can live with. If you feel that you love and relationship's out weighs these feelings you're having then stay, if not then let him know how you feel (again) and take it from there.

I never had anything like this happen for so long bit I did have to end something because I felt his maturity level wasn't where it could have been and after a while all the cons outweighed the pros. It was one of the hardest things I had to do, we still talk and I miss him but I know he hasn't changed so in that way I know I made the right decision. You're gonna wonder regardless of what you do. Hope that helps.

Answer 3

READ This reply: - I feel your "gut" is correct. I would, sit down to a nice "romantic" diner at "home", tell him about it and don't surprise him. During this diner is when I would approach the subject. Be honest and forthcoming with him. After 4-years together I would hope your both "honest" with each other. Tell him that although you "love" him, you know it is "well" past the time that "our" relationship should have progressed to. Your telling him you expect an "engagement" by Christmas. You make it clear to him, that it is Now or Never that he must Decide. I think it will Resolve this "problem" once and for all. And if the worse happens, better Now while you are still young and attractive, and have a life ahead of you, then 10-years together and possibly a "child", and your heartbroken. So listen to your "gut", it is Never wrong and follow my advise. Good Luck, and Merry Christmas.

Answer 4

listen here, i think that after being together for 4 years! you should already know for sure if your in love and this is the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with.On top of that, if he's still keepin in touch with his ex, then you should blow him off because it doesn't seem much like he's trying to avoid her.I think you will know deep down inside when you want to spend the rest of your life together with someone. Maybe your just very comfortable with him because you've spent the last four years together?? You guys just became good friends thats all, but love is a different story, you'll know, if anything move on before you waste anymore time!!!! But follow your heart whatever you choose to do will be right

Answer 5

first of all, nothing you can say or do is going to give you that guarantee for him.He has been away from her for 7 years and now with you for 4.You say he blows the attempts to get back with her off so if I was you I wouldn't worry about things so much. You know the saying "if it ain't broke, don't try and fix it". His reasons for wanting to take his time should not be such a concern. If he was flighty then he would have left you and went back with the ex.But since he is still with you and shows he loves you, let sleeping dogs lye, and don't pressure.If its meant to be it will happen in the right time for both of you. your both still young and have a long time to worry about "the rest of your lives together" as you put it.Part of lasting all that time together is also learning to be patient with one another. Relax! and don't think so much about things that are not even a real problem or you will make them one.

Answer 6

This is simply my individual opinion, and what I could do if I had been you on your difficulty: Four years is a long time to be with any one and don't have any dedication reward. To me, that fairly says plenty approximately how a person feels approximately you. He misplaced his rights to look you once you 2 broke up. The incontrovertible fact that he says he's completely satisfied damaged up, however nonetheless being in a position to look you is a fairly susceptible excuse. He both desires you or he does not. I simply do not suppose you will have to must be placed via that, considering YOU recognise what you desire. I consider you will have to take a couple of steps again. After all, you probably did point out that you simply think such as you 2 are going backwards. Get busy at paintings/college. Take up a brand new passion. Hang out with peers. Do now not provoke touch with him. Don't textual content him. Don't name him. Don't ask to look him or hang around. You wait round for no person. He isn't being reasonable. No, you don't must utterly permit pass. Just do not make your self so to be had to him. Go out on a date or 2 with different men (despite the fact that you don't seem to be interested). You have to make this guy detect that you simply don't seem to be simply going to be there at his each and every beck and phone. If he contacts you, and asks to look you, then adequate. But prohibit the time you spend with him. Do you possess factor. If he's critically fascinated with you, he'll discover a solution to paintings for it and be with you. Best of good fortune.

Answer 7

i woldn'worry about it 7 years is a long time to still be thinking about someone if he really wasn't over her he wouldn't be going out with you, you just need to sit down have a calm and serious conversation and both tell your intentions whether or not you wanna still eb together whether or not he still loves his ex

then go from there 4 years is a long time to throw away just because you think hes still thinking of his ex over 7 years ago and because hes not sure if he wants to marry you yet, if you are happy in the realtionship and he is then theres no reason to worry about anything, hope this helped

Answer 8

I'm going through the same thing. But it's not anything about an ex-girlfriend or stuff, it's that my boyfriend has been with me for 4 years 2 months and still has not proposed. I'm dumping his a** for good.

Answer 9

I am in a similar relationship I think the man I am falliing in love with is still in love with his ex girlfriend. Honey! you will probably never know if he still care for her. You just enjoy the time you two have together. First you have to love yourself, if he is taking to long to see who he want to be with. I think you need to sit down and have a long conversation with him, let him know what you want. He can either accept it or not.

Answer 10

The ex may not be the reason why your relationship isn't moving forward. Maybe he's not sure you're The One? Maybe he's not ready?

Either way, if he really wanted to be with his ex, he would be. She wants him back but he's choosing to stay with you.