I am not sure whose fault the ending of this relationship is? I have known my ex for 5 years ..the first 4 years we were only freinds..I wanted it that way..I was to busy in college and couldnt handle any realtionships at the time pluse he was getting over a divorce that took place 4 years ago...he pursued me always in those 4 years...but i always wanted to remain friends..it is this year that we had a coming together..and he said i finally came around, and i did wholeheartedly...i loved this man..i live here in the sates and he was living overseas at this time..well he asked me to marry him..i accepted and we finally got engaged..as he were continuing this long distance engagement, Iwas becoming suspicious of his communication to me...so I decided to e-mail his sister in law, a woman that cant stand him, an e-mail explaning to her that I have suspicions about my fiancee and cant trust him and need to send some of his papers to her...he got pissed that i sent this e-mail, i badgered him if he was seeing or talking to anyone at this time...he sadi to me yes he was with 4 strippers..i hung up on him and didnt want anything to do with him...he flys to see me the next day ...he is at the lobby of my apartment begging for forgiveness and asks to see counselors...i accepted..then spent the next 5 months with him...but i never forgave him...i pushed him far away..his excuse was he wasnt sure if i ever was going to really move overseas with him , and didnt know for sure, even though we made plans and got engaged..so why am i hurting for a person like this???? he tried to make things right and has bought me tickets all around the world and has tried to tell me he will let me live a great lifestyle to just forgive him...he also has a friend (woman) that is married , they e-mail each other once in awhile..but her e-mails are always long and elaborate...she is married mind you..i asked him to stop,,but he refused saying i wanted to control who he spoke with..i dont know what to do!!!!!! i am not sure whose fault this is, is it my fault because i ignored the fact that he wanted to be close with me years ago?? should i forgive him?? and why doesnt he want to give up this girl??
2006-12-14 09:00:36 · 14 answers · asked by Anna 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You are having doubts because this is NOT a healthy relationship. It's time for you to forget about him and move on. You can forgive him, but that doesn't mean you condone his behavior. My advice is to tell him you forgive him, and want to end the relationship. And, it will probably be in your best interest to find someone who lives closer to you. Best of luck!
Check out this website about forgiveness:
www.theforgivingway.com/
defining.htm
2006-12-14 09:51:50 · answer #1 · answered by Lou 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Money and material objects cannot buy love or forgiveness as it appears he is trying to do. If you have suspicions and have already had counseling and still cannot forgive him, I would say it is time to break it off completely. It sounds like you are hurting because you finally let your guard down and whole heartily put yourself into this relationship and he did this to you. He did this with more than just one person. I think you are hurting for what you wanted, not for him specifically. It is not your fault. It is time to find someone who really wants to treat you with the respect you deserve. Honesty and communication are a must in a relationship. He broke the trust when he wasn't honest. It is too hard to get that back. Honestly, you are hurting for what you wanted, not for what he is. It is up to you to forgive him, but you do not have to go on with the relationship with him either way. If you don't forgive him, it will eat you up inside. You should forgive him, and then move on. The anger will hurt you more if you don't forgive. I wouldn't continue with the relationship and move overseas to where there is no one you know where he might do it again and you would be stuck there. Be strong. Hugs to you.
2006-12-14 09:11:15 · answer #2 · answered by Stephanie F 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I don't think its your fault. How can it be if you wanted to remain friends for all the right reasons? You just wanted to be have everything in life straightened out before you looked for love. He should give up the girl because he knows it means that much to you, but he doesn't. And he's was with strippers? All of these are going to be problems you'll see again once you guys actually live together. It sounds to me like he has money, and because he knows he does, he thinks he can treat you however he wants to. But why did he fly out the next day to ask for your forgiveness when he couldn't even fly you to be with him just a couple of weeks before? Although he might have your heart, you have to let him go or else he will keep on breaking it.
2006-12-14 09:09:23 · answer #3 · answered by NestleGirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why not?? i think the question should be.. how long before you can forgive such a betrayal... i've learned in life that when you start to forgive and get over it.. you'd feel much lighter.. and less burdened.. some people forget that you only lose more when you still have hate and anger in your heart.. im not saying to not have them.. coz we're only humans.. we all got that. i'm saying.. there's always a day to unload some of it.. right now.. u need time.. just be open to the possibilities that you may have to forgive that person one day.. whether you think it's possible or not.. it may still happen..
2016-05-24 05:25:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is lots of pain and confusion here...the result of a long distance relationship and why they don't work. He didn't like you contacted his sister in law that he hates but won't give up the married email female friend who spends time writing to him and then says you are controlling....I'd say cool it...don't make any moves for this guy. If it's the real thing it will still be there. Stay put and think on it longer. If he doesn't like it...too bad. You need more time for this one. Date some other fellows for 6 months anyway. I am not getting good vibes from what you have told us. Good luck.
2006-12-14 09:13:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No ones fault.Do you or don't you want to marry ,that is the question?Why don't you trust this guy?Why are you e-Mailing people you are the woman you could find out lots of things without going to his ex family.YOU are not going to pick his friends married or not.Follow your heart,I know you know what you're feeling.You just have cold feet ,I'll hear from you over seas.You will Marry ask me how I know?????
2006-12-14 09:17:17 · answer #6 · answered by lorraine B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to forget about him and move on with your life. Focus on becoming the best person you can be, and find someone who shares your values and beliefs. You are mixed up because you know that this isn't the right person for you.
2006-12-14 10:08:44 · answer #7 · answered by Jackie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
will maybe some is your fault because you didn't listen to him to move out and live with him. guys sometimes are not enough talking thier love one over the phone sometimes they need to feel you in their arms when they are alone specially his far away from you so you can't trust a guy do something stupid because he need you presents. maybe he will change if you live with him. if he says that he will change if you forgive him maybe he will if you live with if not he will do it again.
2006-12-14 09:11:23 · answer #8 · answered by luvu4ever14344 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow....you are a very mixed up young woman...here is a man that is offering you so much...you have a tantrum, hang up on him and flys half way around the world to ask for forgiveness ....for what ...talking to someone...having a friend...why do you feel the need to control who he talks with for god sakes.....you need to get your head on straight and figure out what you want in life....he is the one that should be trying to decide if he should forgive you.....good luck to both of you....
2006-12-14 09:05:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
never never never forgive him i did it 6 years ago and i am still in the relationship and it so abusive and mind destroying and we have two girls 2 getha who now think that it alright to give second chances
2006-12-14 09:04:38 · answer #10 · answered by bigmum 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋