4 Year old with a terrible attitude PLEASE HELP?

Question

Hi i am 24 and have 2 gorgouse little girls( 4 and nearly 1), they are the lights of my life!
But latley it has been a battle to do anything with my normally very agreeable 4 year old she goes to pre school 2 half days a week and the pre school say she is a pleasure but as soon as i take her through those gates... she argues, Gets demanding and when she doesn't get what she wants she throws a temper tantrum worse then i have EVER seen. She has total disregard for her father and anything he has too say at all, she no longer uses the manners she lernt to say before she was 2 and was just amazing with it... I am at my witts end and don't know what to do anymore with her it has gotten to the point where i don't want to take her out the door please help i don't want the attitude to be passed onto the baby, the last thing i need is 2 kids out of control... I LOVE my kids but i need help. Thankyou

Answer 1

Caveat: I am not a mom and have yet to put these techniques into practice on a child. Works well it puppies however. lol

Watch nanny 911, they have great methods to deal with this type of situation. But, here is what my mom says she did with me when I started to act crazy at 2yo. She very calmly, got down on my level and very sternly (with intense focus and with a very serious almost mean expression) told me what she expected from me and what the consequences would be if I did not listen/do what she said. You have to be very patient because they are not going to listen or pay attention at first. But stay calm and keep that super serious expression and tone until she listens. Then place her in time out and don't respond to anything but good behavior. Let her know that she can get attention by being good more easily then from being bad.

p.s. my tantrum was in a restaurant and my mother didn't beg/ask me to behave, she just picked me up and took me to the ladies room right away and gave me a good talking to.

Answer 2

I have two excellent children who we are complimented on wherever we go. The first threw crazy-wild tantrums when he was three, which we overcame. The other was an angel. When both of them started pre-school, they both started to get "whiny" and quite ill-behaved. My guess is that they are influenced in some way by their peer's behavior.

Since it is not reasonable to keep them out of school, and socialization is part of life, it comes down to perseverance and staying in charge. The change will not be immediate and may take many months, so don't give up.

I recommend a balance between punishment and reward - the particular balance depends on each child. It is not a static thing and there is no simple formula. Some respond more to one thing than another. The worse the behavior, the more severe the punishment. Make sure to reward good behavior. Try to make the punishment match the "crime" when possible. All of this is intended to help the child realize that when they choose to act a particular way, that they do not benefit. However, if they are behaving, there is a benefit. Ultimately, they will find the bad behavior "not worth it."

None of this is new - in fact it's quite old fashioned. However, it works and the children are happier for it once they are back under control.

Answer 3

Have a talk with her teacher. If she's a pleasure at school but a terror at home, something isn't matching up. See if the teacher knows your daughter's friends at school. Maybe the problem is "mean girls," and believe me, that can start as early as 4. The teacher may be able to offer some suggestions or insight that will help point in the right direction.

And then have an honest talk with your daughter. At 4, she's old enough to understand a frank discussion about her behavior. Tell her honestly that she's disrupting the entire family, and that you will not have disrespectful behavior in your home. The tantrums have to stop. The mouthy behavior has to stop. Establish clear guidelines: if you behave well, here is the consequence; if you behave badly, here is the consequence. Lay it all out and let her make the choice. And then remind her: when she does something good, she made the choice to behave well; when she misbehaves, she made that choice too. And stick to your guns. Be stern, but be honest. Good luck. We're pulling for you--

Answer 4

My daughter will be 4 in February. She is basically a good girl, but sometimes forgets her manners. She is very dramatic and has tantrums also. I think this is a 4 year old girl thing. We have been using the 1-2-3 Magic system and if you are consistent it works. Here is a link to the program and about the book. You can find it at any bookstore. It is a small easy to read book. www.parentmagic.com

I agree that she is testing you and needs some limits and 1-2-3 Magic should help.

Answer 5

Ok. As for the temper tantrums in public, when ever she starts one leave her little behind where ever you are. In other words, walk away. My three year old used to do the same thing to me until I walked away from her at target. ( I didn't get to far, just far enough to scare her). And for the attitude and loss of manners, as bad as it sounds, a little spanking never hurt anyone. I'm not saying to beat your child, but a good smack on the butt will let her know what's up. I practice these things at home with my little girl, and believe me she is thick headed, but it seems to work. Your little girl needs to understand that you are the boss, not her. If you are against raising your hand, try timeouts or taking away her favorite toy. You need something that will get her attention. I hope this helps!

Answer 6

The best thing to do is send her to her room telling her that you don't approve of the way she is acting and when she can behave, she can come out. If this doesn't work, take something away that she likes and tell her you're return it the next DAY if her behavior improves. Make her do without it for a day at least or longer if necessary. If you have to, clean her room out until she starts to behave. I saw this on Dr. Phil and my daughter tried it with her 4 year old son and boy did he straighten up when all his things were gone.

Answer 7

My daughter will be 4 in Feb and is going on 16! They are at an age where they want to see how far you will let them go. What can they get away with. Is your daughter acting out because she feels your other daughter is getting all the attention? Set aside special time for just you and her. But most important always go through with your threats. If you say "if you do that again you will sit in time out" then sit her butt in time out. If you tell her she can't watch her favorite show the don't let her. If you say you can't play with your play doh then don't let her. No matter how hard it is. Stick to it. She will straighten up. And come on she is 4, you can't expect her to never get out of line, but you can expect her to listen to you and act like a little lady and use manners.

Answer 8

I laugh in jest. My 6yr old has refused to go to school the last 2 yrs. Very similar tantrums, fits, etc. My wife had been complaining, calling me crying, and basically feeling inadequate as a mom. I being the manly man ( and I must add hadnt seen this behavior because I was already @ work) told her to buck up and be the parent. I told her to bring our darling back home if she refused to get out of the car and spank her then take her back.. Well heres where it gets interesting. Last week I had worked late so was late going into the office. I got to experience this little devel 1st hand. She cried , she screamed, she ran and hid. It took me 2 hrs of spanking, talks, and literally dragging her into school and having the principle take her away to class for me to realize my poor wife was a super hero if she had put up with that for 2 school seasons. I immediatly phoned the wife to apologize. I then went to my office and contacted out company shrink for advice. I learned a few things and went home prepared to do battle. I got to tell you when I walked in the door my daughter crawled up in my lap and said " Daddy I love you and I'm sorry I made you nlate for work" Now how is a dad suppose to react to that? Anyways I proceeded to use this calm to address the issue with her. After an hour of talking I discovered the true problem was she was afraid to leave mommy because she was afraid something would happen to her. I must add that this is one of the things the doc suggested. He said it was common for 4 to 6 yr old. I did a little research on the net for seperation anxiety and it all made sense. Hope this story helps and if not perhaps you @ least know your not alone.

doc

Answer 9

Okay, so #1. This is not your fault or daycare's fault.
#2- what kind of discipline method do you use? If you do not believe in physical discipline then employ time out or strategy discipline.(actually give her consequences to her behavior-like taking her fav. toy away for 30minutes, or not getting a snack)
#3- IT IS NOT A PHASE....Your daughter is testing your authority and if you do not establish that you and your hubby outrank her then it will only get worse as she gets older. She needs to understand that you and hubby are the bosses and she does not come first. (BEST OF LUCK 2 YOU)

Answer 10

When my 4 year old gets mouthy, I pull out the ol' tobasco sauce. It only took 2 times of me actually having to put it on her tongue for her to understand. Now, I carry around a travel sized one in my purse and if she gets mouthy, I take it out and show her and she stops immediately!!!