Do you think being a stay at home mom is harder than a job in the workforce?

Question

My husband sometimes says that being a mom is really easy and i dont think so. Its 25 hrs a day i dont even get to take ashower by myself because my hubby says its my job.Every once in ablue moon he will do it and he never watches my son so i can have a break i have to ask my mom to do it sometimes i wish i had the luxury of just doing whatever the hell i want like him. He takes off all the time. But then i look at thomas and realize what i have with him is so much more special than freedom. I just wish i could stop being so frustrated with his dad and get more help But how?

Answer 1

Im not gonna tell you to leave your husband over something like this. But you need to put your foot down. And trust me there is a way, you just have to care enough about this for yourself to do it. If your like me, then as a stay at home mom, you want to cook dinner for hubby and kids for when he gets home. Almost impossible to stand there and cook when you have kids needing you every 5 seconds. Solution: Dont cook untill hubby has been home for about 15 minutes(time for him to sit stuff down, run to the bathroom, ect etc..) tell him to watch the kids while you cook or that he can just get dinner for himself. You want to take a shower by yourself; Solution tell him your getting in the shower and that he needs to watch the kids, walk away, grab the radio, take it in the bathroom turn it up and take a shower. whats the worse thing that is going to happen if you do this??????? well he could get so mad that you are inforcing him to help you that he leaves you. But then ask yourself this: How much does he loves you and the kids if he ups and leaves instead of helping you with the kids???? And then its on him and not you, respect yourself enough to demand respect back. Let him know during all this that you love what he does for you by letting you stay at home, but that its not an easy job, and all your asking is for him to help and appreciate all you do for the family also.

Answer 2

As a SAHM to a 3 yr old and 6 yr old. From what I'm taking from your question as a single mom, you work. Your're not at home with the kids 24-7. You can't speak of things you know nothing about. While I agree that some may tend to exaggerate and a fair amount of moms I know just sit on their butts and watch the tv. or not care for the families as they should. Staying at home is a great experience, and I put my all into my kids which makes for a busy day, put in the fact that I live in a house requiring constant refixing and reno-ing which I do myself(painting, drywalling, building etc) and don't wait for some guy to do. I don't take too kindly to people who think I have it easy. Walk a mile in someones shoes and you'd learn a lot. As far as sharing the load with a spouse, last time I checked I wasn't a maid, I stay at home to look after the kids which is my ''job'''and well yeah I happen to clean the house b/c I'm a neat freak, my spouse has no problem coming home at the end of work and doing the dishes or helping me out with whatever needs done. It's wonderful when marriage can work and family when they all work together and not see things as an either/or sitution.

Answer 3

People who love each other and respect each other don't try to "keep score" or "one-up" each other in their relationship. They each understand and respect the job that the other is doing. They each understand that should circumstances arise, they could end up reversing roles, or having to do both the breadwinner and family caregiver roles themselves. They are compassionate about each other's needs and respectful of each other's competence as individual human beings. There is no patronization or demeaning that goes on in a loving, respectful relationship.

I think the question here is less about who has a harder job than how you and your husband come to understand each other's needs better and be respectful of each other and the part each of you plays in your partnership. I think that if the two of you have been "talking in circles" and not getting things resolved, it's time to go see a marriage counselor or therapist and try to find a way to work things out better.

You don't say how old your son is, but I would gather that he's fairly young? For what it's worth, when you have your first child, that's a time of tremendous stress and change in the relationship. It used to be the two of you, now it's the three of you, and the "third wheel" is a needy and demanding person who places tremendous demands on you without being able to say please or thank you, or to acknowledge that you're at his beck and call. That's really hard, and I think in some ways it's harder for the father to accept than the mother-- she's already had 9 months of this "third wheel" taking over her body.

Getting counseling now could be the best thing you can do for your son. He needs each of you individually, but he also needs for you to thrive as a couple. It is not a sign that anyone is a failure if you go get help from a professional; it's a sign of maturity, that you are willing to put your relationship first and swallow any pride or shame you feel and work honestly on the problems you are having.

I would say that you should go to counseling, preferrably with your husband, but by yourself if he won't go with you. Good luck.

Answer 4

It is harder but it is also more rewarding! I don't understand why so many men act like your husband - I guess their dads did it too and so it's been passed down.
Ask him for help, and if that doesn't work, hand him the baby and go do what you need to do (shower, pee, whatever). Maybe he just hasn't spent enough time with the baby one on one to appreciate and enjoy him.
And if it makes you feel better, I think many dads get more involved as the kids get older. Some men, I think, don't know what to do with a baby, but they can play with and teach toddlers and children. So hopefully, with your patience and support, he will grow into his role as a father.
Not that I'm saying you *should have to* hold his hand, but the reality may be that it is the only way to get him more involved with his son. And in this case, the ends justify the means.

Answer 5

I don't think it's harder OR easier. All types of jobs--and I consider being a stay at home mom a job--have difficulties and perks. There is no such thing as an easy job.

You could hire an area teenager/middle schooler to be a mother's helper for you. Basically, he/she will watch the kid for you while you're at home or running short errands. You can still keep an eye on things, but you have a bit more freedom to get your things done. I did that for a summer when I was 13, and it was great for the kids, the mom, and me!

Answer 6

I'm a stay at home mom and I babysit for other people too. It's a good idea to take at least an hour a day for yourself. If your husband isn't willing to do that for you, then find a neighbor who'd be willling to babysit. When I say an hour a day for yourself I dont' mean it always has to be alone. Maybe some time with just you and your husband. Anything as long as you get to relax. After a while it gets overwhelming.

Answer 7

You're so right. When I was on maternity leave I couldn't wait to get back to work. Being a stay at home mom is a lot of work! You never get to leave the "office" behind.

Give you husband a taste of you life and plan a weekend away where he stays home with the kids. I'm sure he'll be kissing your feet by the time you walk through the door! He'll surely be more willing to lend a hand. If he isn't plan another trip... he'll catch on soon enough!

Good Luck!

Answer 8

Need to do something that shows what each of you do. After work he still needs to do some around the house. This is just part of the being able to talk in a relationship. He needs to do your job when on a weeks vaction and kep the house the same as you so that he knows how you feel. If this does not work or he does not want to understand then go to work and split the house duties 50/50.

Answer 9

Being a stay at home mom is hard work, and your husband is making it more difficult for you. Lots of men think that we dont do anything all day. I would like to see him try it. He is missing out on his son's life. I would rather work. I would lose my mind in the house all day. My hats off to you. Try taking breaks from time to time. You need time for yourself, so you can be a great and loving mom.

Answer 10

Motherhood is definately the hardest job around. If I were you,on your husband's next day off, I would leave a note on the kitchen table, explain that you needed time to yourself. Go out the door, get your hair or nails done and let him see what it is like to be totally alone taking care of your child--I guarantee he will be more appreciative.