How Do You Handle A 4 Year Old Slapping Your Face??

Question

My sister's daughter who's 4 slapped her hard in the face today. She's big for her age and actually gave my sister a black eye. This is the second time this has happened and although my sister didn't hit her for doing it the first time, today she slapped her back for it. I don't blame her really. How do you handle being slapped in the face by a kid?

Answer 1

Honestly, they need to be given a taste of their own medicine. If a child knows if he hits you then he will get spanked then he'll stop hitting. He's only going to continue to hit until he knows what it feels like.

It's like the "biting back" method. Kids bite and the second mom or dad bites them back they quit biting. Children don't realize that what hurts you, also hurts them. They don't understand that concept and until they do they will only continue to hurt others.

That's the way things work in this world--and eye for an eye.

Answer 2

When a parent hits a child, they are teaching the child that it is ok to resolve conflict by hitting. Your niece is frustrated or angry and she is attempting to either get attention, express her anger or resolve some problem she is having by slapping her mother. Your niece, at four, is only starting to develop communication skills and obviously has not got the necessary social tools. Your sister's problem is more severe because by slapping her child, she is expressing frustration and anger too, but by now, she should, as an adult, have learned how to assert herself and how to communicate to her daughter that this behaviour is highly unacceptable.
After she was slapped, she should have taken both her daughter's hands, looked her straight in the eye and said in a firm voice..."No...You must not hit". Then there should have been a time out until the child was ready to apologize and talk about why she did it and that she is sorry and will not do it again. Hitting a child only reinforces physical violence. There need to be age appropriate consequences: a loss of privelege....time out...a loss of a favourite activity.

Answer 3

4 is definantly old enough to know not to slap mommy or anybody for that matter.I think a slap back was definantly called for-she needs to know what it feels like and that it hurts.If she were only 1 or 2 I would say to just say No Hitting very firmly and be stern.But at 4 your sis was right in what she did.

Answer 4

She needs to be really really sturn with her. Tell her, " THAT IS NOT OKAY TO HIT" Sit her in a place where she can "think" about what she did. Do not let her get up or move, and if she starts a fit, be consistent.. do not let her get up. You need to expain to her in detail why what she did is wrong. Do not tell her "no". Negative reinforcement is worse than positive. Tell her good ways to express her anger, and tell her how slapping or hitting is bad way to express it. she should only be in time out one minute to every year she is old. 4 minutes. You should purchase a timer that she can see and hear when it does off at the end of her time. Do not hold her on your lap or anything while she is in time out. This will only make it worse.

BE CONSISTENT OR THIS WILL NOT WORK.

Spanking her will only reinforce that when you are mad it is okay to hit.

Answer 5

I don't blame your sister, either, but you don't slap in the face. What I would do is take the hand that she slapped with and give it a smack. I know "smack on the wrist" is considered a light punishment, but it makes a connection between causing pain and getting pain.

Also, she needs to be sure that she grabs the child's arm every time she raises for a slap. That way she knows that punishment isn't just for DOING it. It's for thinking of it or starting to do it. Don't smack her hand then, though--that ones a time out.

I don't believe in beating children. I don't believe in hitting kids with OBJECTS of any kind. But, kids need to have a firm smack on the hand or behind (covered behind, not naked) in order to understand what pain is. Otherwise, they will not understand to not hurt others.

Answer 6

One of the children in my in-home daycare did this just the other day...his dad came to pick him up and he refused to leave so his dad asked if he wanted carried...and my god this kid is a massive almost 5 year old...and he said screamed and kicked and smacked him across the face. WOW. His dad did absolutely NOTHING about it. Talk about letting your kid run the show.

I'm not even sure what I would do to be honest...my son (almost 4) wouldn't DARE dream of hitting an adult (I don't think he's even hit another child for that matter) not because he's afraid of us, but because we taught him from the get-go that hitting or any other form of hurting is completely unacceptable and will result in instant punishment. He bit me ONE time when he was about 14 months old and I yelled NO BITING!!! at him and set him down and walked away...never bit another soul.

Answer 7

First, to all of you who would have given a "time out" ..GET REAL! Your the same people whose wonderful child rearing ability has caused the courts to be overflowing with young offenders. You know what young offenders are? Kids who did not have someone to kick their *** into line when they needed it and had no real consequences to fear. These bleeding hearts have kids that behave like complete animals and yet one good spanking or date with the belt might have straightened them out. Obviously the "lets talk about it" generation has failed miserably. "Time outs" are ok for small infractions but a slap on the face would have warranted a good spanking in my house. I'm sure that your sister's kid has learned and will not think of pulling that stunt a third time.

Answer 8

All actions by children should have consequences (I don't use the word punishment). If they rough house and break something, they should be expected to make amends, for instance.

It sounds like this child was taught it's okay to slap someone. Sounds like the sister helped encourage this lesson by slapping her back (although I'd have a hard time not doing the same). When something like this happens, it's important to say, "That is unacceptible behavior. Do not try it again."

If it happens again, it's time for consequences and punishments. But non-violent punishments will probably work better.

Answer 9

slap her back as hard as she slapped you and then ask her how it felt. When she says it hurt, tell her it hurt you when she slapped you and tell her not to do it again. It sounds mean but it works.

Answer 10

Ok, This sounds harsh but slap her little a** back everytime she does it. Don't knock her out or anything lol but let her feel that it hurts. My niece use to bite my son all the time and finally I got so fed up with it I bit her back. Since that day she's never bit anything or anyone again.

Answer 11

That kid would've got the whipping of a lifetime.

They say spanking doesn't work - but I disagree (unless you have magic kid-rearing abilities like The Nanny!). My younger sister, as a toddler, would throw the most HORRIBLE tantrums. My Mom couldn't control her - one day Dad came home early and caught her, and she got her little bum whipped real good. She never threw another one.

We were rarely whipped as children - we knew we could be, so we were good and didn't *need* to be actually spanked!

We could get in serious hot water for talking back - had one of us actually slapped a parent, we would've been in so much trouble, the spanking would've been the least of it.