Me and her have been together for 4 yrs out of nowhere she wants out of the relationship. I let her go. She comes back 2 wk later and wants back. After that she breaks up w/ me agian two wk later she calls me and wants help. I help her and we are still acting like a couple. She doesnt know what she wants. I ask if she wants back she says yes. I say lets take it slow. She agrees two days later i met up w/ her 4 lunch she say we seem more like friends. OK so i go up to her place later that night and i tell her how i feel, that i want to marry her and she in my eyes was the only girl 4 me. I also tell her i think she doesnt know what she wants. She agrees She says right now we are friends but more i dunno she says. We both decide we need our space from each other. The whole time we are flirting and laughing at each other as though nothing is wrong. We both 20 and 21 i can understand if she wants figure her self out be4 pursueing the relationship if that is what it is. What is going on?
2006-12-14 06:58:02 · 5 answers · asked by detox_denny 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You're both very young and I can understand why she doesn't know what she wants yet. Do you, really, really, know what you want? Neither of you have experienced enough of the world yet, I think, to answer that.
In the meantime, what's the rush? If you like being together, do you have to label it? rush into a marriage? What's wrong with just having fun and getting to know each other, explore life together?
Take your time - everything will fall into place eventually...
2006-12-14 07:02:07 · answer #1 · answered by dingobluefoot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a woman that likes you a lot but is not attracted to you.
In order for her to feel good about being more than friends she has to feel that and she doesn’t.
Attraction is not a choice. You are attracted to her but more than likely you could not objectively explain why. She likes you a lot and wants and needs to be a friend but she just doesn’t get that spark.
What ever you do listen to that. Believe that if you are able to talk her into marriage somehow it will never be a good marriage.
I speak from experience. When I met my first wife I was head over heels. She liked me mostly because she met my family before me but told me at one point that maybe we should not be exclusive. I pulled at her heart strings and we were married.
It was a marriage where she was unhappy for most of it. She told me once that there has to be more than this. We had two children. But it was not enough for her.
Years later I found out that during those early years she had seven affairs. I had no clue except I know things were not good. Sex was not often and when we did...at times....she would cry. This just made me mad and I got through it. I didn't want to know why.
Do not pressure her into anything. If at some time in the future she sees what she can't see now then you will be together.
But for now consider her just a friend and begin going out with other women. If you do that you will not regret it. If you pressure her and think you win....you may very well loose.
2006-12-14 07:16:17 · answer #2 · answered by John B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would give her space. Tell her that she needs to take time for herself and figure out what she wants. I would try not to call her, show up at her place, no sex, etc. She needs to be sure before just saying yes. It will be easier now to break it off then if you guys get married. Tell her that you love her and want to be with her, but that she needs to take some "me" time and figure out what she wants.
You know the old saying?
If it was meant to be, she'll be back.
Trust me, I know its hard. I had to do that with my first love. It was hard as hell to let him go, but now I'm glad I did. We have both moved on with our lives, but we still have a pretty good friendship. I now know that if we had gotten married, we would have ended up in divorce.
Just take it slow and let her figure out what she wants before you two rush into anything.
Good Luck
2006-12-14 07:08:50 · answer #3 · answered by confused angel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to take step backwards and just be friends as she is using you!
Be friends first and see where it takes her, if she truely cares for you, by you taking a step backwards her heart will warm up further towards you or it won't.
Has she always had a boyfriend and afraid of being alone? She has been with you since she was 16 and I think she is afraid of the stigma at not having a boyfriend.
2006-12-14 07:08:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you I would ignore for a week or 2 then she can decide what she wants. Sometimes we don't know what we want until it's gone but if you keep seeing her & talking to her she'll never decide. You should know where she stands after about 2 weeks without any contact with her
2006-12-14 07:03:47 · answer #5 · answered by gitsliveon24 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋