We got pregant totally by accident and at first he was thrilled but neither of us had ever wanted children. Then we were so happy but then I had a miscarrage. After that I wanted a baby so badly I wanted to try and have one on perpous and he was totaly against it. He makes me take birthcontrol and pulls out. This has been going on for a few months then I told him I think it was just the hormones and now I'm normal and don't want a babies anymore. So yesterday he calles and tells me that he doesnt' want to be alone when we are older and he wants to have someone to visit us and give us grandchildren to spoil. So now he wants a baby. I'm so confused what should I do?
2006-12-14 06:52:31 · 15 answers · asked by Lovely Lady 27 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Simple. Men take on average 3 times as long as we do to make up theri minds on issues of importance.
The sorrow of losing a child, even an unborn child, can effect people in many different ways. Don't worry that he was afraid to try again so quickly. He needed time to prcess the sudden excitement of becoming a father in the first place.
it's probably like this. First, didn't want a baby at all. Second, got excited about having one. Third, lost that one and felt unbelievably sad. THEN....had to weigh out pros and cons of setting himself up for possible pain and dissapointment if another child was lost. LAST....decides that loveing you and taking the chance is worth it.
Just because the timing of his emotions and your didn't perfectly coinside doesn't mean that you don't both want and need the same thing!
Good Luck and God Bless!
2006-12-14 07:03:40 · answer #1 · answered by brookebjpl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Guys are confusing!!
If I was you, i wouldnt be having a child with someone who can change his mind so quickly about something like that. What happends if you fall pregnant and he decided he doesnt want it?
Chances are, he's going to leave you, for you to care for this baby alone.
But then, there's always the chance if you do get preganant, he will be thrilled to bits, and stay with you. Thats a hard one. I guess you have to look at if you're willing to bring that baby up on your own if it comes to that??
I had my son a few days beforemy 17th birthday, and his dad left us just before my 18th(although he was never really there at all anyways), and we havn't seen him since (My Son is now 3). Now i have done everything by myself (put untill a year ago) and let me tell you, its not easy! But as i said, I would think about the "what if's".. as by the sounds of it its a very real possability!
2006-12-14 15:27:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Having a baby won't fix the problem... it might work out fine, but you both need to be on the same page or you could be dealing with resentment.
A similar thing happened with me (roles reversed)... and now I have a 7 month old. The relationship isn't going to make it though... there's too much resentment between us.
2006-12-14 14:59:50 · answer #3 · answered by naenae0011 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Excuse me but why in the world is it left up to him? You two need to go see a counselor...what if you do get pregnant and then 5 months down the road he changes his mind again? Babies aren't brought into this world to come visit you when your older. Babies are brought into this world as miracles to be loved, cherished and nourished. Please do not be pressured into doing something you don't feel your ready for. Please. In the beginning you will carry the baby and in the end...depending on what mood he is in...you will still be responsible for that little miracle. Please really think about this. You know what you want to accomplish in this life...can you accomplish those goals and be a good parent too? Even if you end up being a single mom?
2006-12-14 15:04:05 · answer #4 · answered by Brandy 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, it sounds like the loss of your baby has really hurt him as much as it did you...maybe he is just on an emotional rollercoaster right now...try to sit down and talk to him or maybe the 2 of you should get some couseling to help deal with your loss...but for now, until you are both emotionally stable again I would hold of on the baby.....Sorry again for your loss.
2006-12-14 15:02:11 · answer #5 · answered by Em H. 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems like he has mixed feelings. I would sit him down and have a serious discussion to understand completely where he stands on this situation. In my opinion it is not worth it to have his baby if it is not really what he wants. You'll just end up getting hurt in the end so decide wisely.
2006-12-14 16:35:27 · answer #6 · answered by thatgirl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i bet after you had the miscarrage it just really hurt him. he needed time to get back up on his feet and everything. I bet now that you say you dont have the feeling you want one anymore i am sure he is starting to feel that something is missing. he is a man..they are confusing, go along with it tho!! it will work out for the best i am sure!!!
2006-12-14 15:28:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think that is a mutual decision between both of you. If you are not ready now, don't do it. The best advice is when you know you are ready then go ahead, don't ever do anything you are not ready to do and don't let anyone talk you in to doing anything you don't want to do. Good Luck.
2006-12-14 14:59:22 · answer #8 · answered by Jazz21 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like the miscarriage hurt him deeply and he wasn't prepared to go through that again. Then when you said you'd got over the desire for another baby he began to realise why he THOUGHT he didn't want to try again!
2006-12-14 14:58:53 · answer #9 · answered by Honey W 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He was shaken by the miscarriage and he was probably scared that you would have another one and he didnt want you both to go through that again. I think if he wants one now and you do to then go for it. Children are wonderful little creatures.
2006-12-14 15:58:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋