What do I want my child to think?

Question

I just had my baby girl and my husband and I are so inlove with her. We live in a beautiful home out in the counrty, he has a good paying job and I'm going to start working part time as a waitress in a few months. But I don't know what I should do about my daughter Grace. I want her to grow-up in a loveing careing family. But I'm a little afraid on how I should raise her. I'm afraid that I'll do what my parents did and take controle of her life with knowing. I want her to be able to make her choices when she's older. My husband says that I'm over reacting, which I most likely am, but still. Does anyone have any addvice I can us some right about now. PLease........
Writen by....
Alexis Waudren.

Answer 1

The fact that you are so worried about her and that you even consider that you could make mistakes raising her means that you will do a great job. Don't sweat the small stuff, enjoy the beautiful baby and wonderful husband that you have. Right now you are probably overly emotional and everything seems so big. Don't take this like I'm saying you are a basket-case--I'm not. Its just that post birth is a very difficult time for a woman, your body has to readjust to just caring for itself and healing from the birthing process. There are a lot of emotional, subconscience and conscience adjustments that have to be made--all the while you are probably sleep depraved and exhausted. Hang in there--you are a beautiful mother--give it time. Don't worry about how to deal with problems until they actually exist.

So...my advise is, take a long bath with great smelling candles, a glass of your favorite wine and good smutty book. You'll feel better in the end and you may even get some ideas to try out with your husband from the smutty book. :o) If nothing else this should make you smile a little.

Answer 2

When I brought my daughter home from the hospital 14 years ago, I felt overwhelmed. Here was this beautiful, perfect little person that God had given me. How could I help but screw up the monumental task that was in front of me?

I felt almost paralyzed in some ways, thinking of the things I could get wrong and the damage I could do. It seemed to me that there were so many different ways that things could go wrong.

It took some time and thinking things over to arrive at a conclusion that gave me great peace of mind. My conclusion was that in worrying so much about all the things that could go wrong, I was imposing on my daughter an expectation that she had to be perfect, and that anything less was unacceptable.

That was absolutely not the way I wanted things to be. One of the problems I had with my parents was that no matter how hard I tried to do things, or how well I did things, it was never good enough. I could never be the perfect person my parents apparently were trying to raise.

I sure didn't want that, so I decided to accept that I was not a perfect person, and therefore could not be a perfect parent. And that my daughter could not be a perfect child. AND THAT THAT WAS OKAY.

I decided that far from trying to be the perfect mother raising the perfect daughter, I would just try to do my best. If I screwed up, if I made mistakes, I would apologize to my daughter, correct the way I was doing things as best I could, and move on. And if she made mistakes, as she surely would, I would ask no more from her. I would also accept that since we were both human, there would be times when we would be tired, grumpy, scared, angry, and imperfect. AND THAT WAS OKAY. I would have compassion for my daughter when she was imperfectly human, and ask only that she have compassion for me when I was imperfectly human. And that I would try to teach my daughter the values of kindness and compassion and humor as the most important things in her life, and doing her best with the knowledge that her best would never be perfect. AND THAT THAT WOULD BE OKAY.

It's worked pretty well for us. I love my daughter, who is an awesome human being, and I enjoy her company hugely. She isn't perfect and I'm not perfect, AND THAT'S OKAY because even without perfection, we have more fun than I can possibly describe, and she's such a tremendous individual that I'm sure she'll do fine in life, even if her life isn't perfect, and that's as much as I could ever expect.

Relax. Don't expect perfection from yourself or your child. Love her and be ready to acknowledge when you make mistakes, and move on. Parents have been raising imperfect kids for eternity, and on the whole that's worked out pretty well.

Answer 3

For starters, calm down and take one day at a time. She's just a baby, right now you need to nurture her with love, when she gets older teach her responsibility and that all actions good or bad have results. Listen to your heart and most of all love her. Don't allow her to "Run the house" make sure she had consistent discipline, if she's got that then she'll be just fine. Maybe check into "Mommy and Me" groups in your area, or Parents as Teachers, both great organizations...Mommy and Me you have play groups with other moms--you talk about things going on in your lives, Parents as Teachers works through the school district, they help you with the developmental stuff, I loved having Parent's as Teachers!

Answer 4

speaking from experience...the best thing you could do is to set an example for your daughter. The funny thing about kids they'll let you know everything that's on their minds, you just have to be open with them. My son who is 8 told me about a girl he has a crush on in school. I let him know that there is nothing wrong with liking a girl, but I also did tell him that he is too young to act on those feelings.