girls,,,,need some input on what might have happened to us?

Question

okay here is what happened. i met a lady a divorced woman of only 6 months..we clicked..great conversation..high sexual attracton to one another. she showed me attention and vice versa. we were not in an exclusive relationship with one another..we were dating others..i really am not into that but accepted it because i enjoyed speding time with her and that was the most important thing then. after 3 months which is the testing point of any new relationship in my opinion) she began to not show as much interest...being moody..blaming her feelings on her ex and the sad memories whe she would think of the divorce. i asked her if she still loved him ..she replied "no" he was the one who came to her and didn`t want her or he daughter in his life no more.
so anyways she used to call me alot and then she became distant over a three week period especially. then ignores my calls...im thinking maybe she found a new interest..but why kick me to the curb and ignore me? i thought she cared more

Answer 1

Unfortunately, I know alot about this subject.

She is dealing with soooooo sooooooo much right now. She is in NO place to have a relationship. There are so many things she has to do.. she has to heal and grieve and figure out what she did wrong in the relationship (it does take 2), she has to adjust to paying the bills, living as a single person, and a single life, and a million other things.

SHe is in no way ready to be a whole person who can contribute wholy to a relationship for a while.

I am sure you helped her and gave her some wonderful joy and confort and companionship along the way to her healing... but she is just not ready.

Be glad in a way, because you don't want that transference or a rebound deal.

Just be glad she came into your life, and move on.

:)

Answer 2

Going through a divorce is tough...been there, done that. So if you are still interested just let her know that you know that she's had a rough couple of months and that you really think she's great. Also that you understand if she needs some time/space--just to let you know.

This will help you figure out if you were just a rebound man or if there is something more there that she would like to cultivate once her heart has had time to heal. 6 months really isn't that long of a time...and she may be getting pressure from others to not settle back down too quickly, or even guilt from the ex or a family member about getting involved again so soon.

All you can do is let her know what your feelings are--then its going to be up to her on what she wants to do with them. Hang in there, this girl is going to need a shoulder to lean on...maybe yours is the perfect fit.

Answer 3

Sounds like she was rebounding...

The analogy is really appropriate because, eventually, a rebounder bounces back passed her baseline and ends up going the other way for a while.

Your only recourse is to wait it out. Don't get clingy but don't stop calling, even if just to say hello or that you're thinking of her. Give her some space but not so much that she thinks you don't care... but be prepared. What she wanted while she was rebounding may not be what she wants forever. Its not a matter of not caring.

Answer 4

That's the funny thing about divorced people. They really should care more about their current relationships, but sometimes, it's hard to forget a marriage, even if it ended badly. My guess is that something happened to remind her of her ex-husband, and whatever it was, she's taking it out on you. I'd give her all the time she needs to get over it and become normal again. If she doesn't become normal, let her go because she'll just keep taking things out on you if you let her.

Sorry it worked out that way.

Answer 5

It sounds like she might have been using you as a "rebound" man to make herself feel better. Basically, she was desperate for love and affection after a horrible split, so she turned to the first available opportunity and let it run its course. Its a terrible, terrible thing to do, but apparently men and women do it commonly after a break up from a big relationship. I advise you to stay away from ladies who have recently come out of a relationship -- it will bring you nothing but heartache! So sorry. **hugs**

Answer 6

Are you really sure it was her husband who did the cheating in their marriage?

Sounds to me as if this woman is excited by "new love". There is a special hormone that is made by the body when we are in the beginning stages of "new love". And it can be addictive. Sounds like the lady is addicted to it anyway.

Forget about her, because she's certainly more than willing to leave you far behind. And count your experience as another step in learning, and just move on.

Answer 7

I hate to say it, but you were the "comfort guy". She needed someone right after her divorce to make her feel better.Someone to occupy her time to keep her mind off of her ex. She is getting over the divorce now so she doesn't need you anymore. I know it seems cruel and it is. That's why people need to allow themselves some time before dating after a divorce. Because the "comfort person" ends up getting hurt.

Answer 8

She is still hurt and sometimes all men are the enemy (i know you are not all the same). Just call her and tell her what you are thinking. Maybe something happened with her ex. Tell her that you are there for her if shee needs to talk and that you are thre for her if she just wants to be held. Or whatever she needs. And maybe she just needs to heal a little (or a lot). Tell her you are there for her and that you will be as long as she lets you.

Answer 9

Move on dear. Freshly divorced people are moody and inconsistent. Find a peson that is stable! This will be way more satisfying fo ryou!
Let her be, she has left, she needs to give you no explanation now, because she would not be able to explain herself anyways!!! Go out and forget.

Answer 10

Yeah, that's really tough. I suspect you're right that she found someone else, especially if she gets really emotionally involved quickly and intensely. Keep on living your life. If she really loves you she'll come back, but I seriously doubt she will. Don't be friends with her. Bad move. Go on some dates to get your confidence back. Try not to be bitter. I know it's hard...