Are Christmas letters in lieu of cards rude?

Question

Etiquette mavens are split-Miss Manners says that the Christmas update letter is rude and boastful, but Peggy Post says it can be a nice tradition. What do you think?

Moreover, what do you prefer to receive?

Answer 1

I like getting the letters. These days it is so hard to keep up with what's going on in the lives of everyone I know, and that letter at the end of each year really brings me up to date. I honestly enjoy getting to sit back and take a few minutes to learn what I might have missed. It helps me still feel connected to my friends and family when we might otherwise feel like we were losing touch. A card is just a cookie cutter verse that has nothing personal about their lives, so I think a letter is actually even nicer.

Answer 2

Our distant cousin used to send everyone in the family a Christmas letter. My family couldn't stand it. She had a lot of money, the perfect family, sent her kids to the best schools, and enrolled them in all kinds of activities. It was so boastful. No one else in the family wrote letters. The distant cousin sounded so full of herself. Oh, and she could never get the letter out by Christmas because they were "so busy". It usually came the 1st week of January.

I would just send Christmas cards. If you haven't heard from someone for a while and want to tell them about your family, how about including your phone number and a message to call you? Then you can hear about each other's families at the same time. If you feel like you really, really want to send a letter, then maybe only do it once in a while when something exciting happened, not every year.

Answer 3

I dislike boring news letters but find them better than receiving a card and no news from those far away. One family member found that her daughter had been committing adultery and was brought before the congregation to confess and repent- now that was a happy note to share with one and all! I received an actual 14 page booklet detailing the vacations and business accomplishments of every member of a family that were only acquaintances of mine - luckily there were pictures too so I would know who the heck James Jr. was.
On the other hand I love getting new letter form a friends daughter who has an interesting life and a shared family history.
So keep it light, up lifting and skip the boasting. Add your own personal note too so it doesn't seem so mass produced.

Answer 4

OMG I haaaaaTE those Christmas letters that go on for an eternity with all of the wonderful accomplishments (exaggerated or perceived). As if your own family has somehow been sleeping the entire year away. Then they finally remember that they are supposed to be wishing you and your family well and basically include it in the post script. Grrr. Send the Christmas card w/ current phone number enclosed and a signiture. I'll call you in the New Year and say "What's new?".

Answer 5

I like to be thought of. Receiving either a letter or a card is evidence that my friends thought of me. Unless they write a very personal message to me (in either letter or card) the fact that I was thought of is usually more impactful than the content of the letter or card.

Personally, I prefer cards because of the pictures. Letters can be cute and interesting, as long as they are not a page just filled up with words about the family members that I don't know. A couple of cute pictures and some fun one-liners would be perfect, in my opinion.

Answer 6

I like the letters. Most aren't too boastful. I always figure if some old college roommate comes through my part of the country on business and stops in for dinner, he'll want to know roughly how many children to expect to see. I write, call or see my closest friends weekly or monthly. The Christmas lette is for people I don't see very much but like well enough to invite to our house if they are ever in the area.

http://www.tedpack.org/xmasnews.html
has some examples and five parodies of Christmas letters.

Answer 7

I guess it depends upon what is written in the letters...

I have received holiday letters with all kinds of "boastful" things: we went skiing in Montreal for the weekend. Over the summer we went to Napa for a week or two, we bought a new car. We are remodeling out kitchen, etc. After reading letters like those, I get very depressed.

However, I have also received letters that just told about the family's year: how the kids are doing in school, what our adult friends are doing, etc. Some have sad news- deaths of family members, etc. Those letters are fine for me- these letters read like ones I would write.

Cards are fine, too. We hang them up for Christmas, then, after the holidays are over -- everything gets tossed!

Answer 8

I would rather recieve a letter telling me how people are doing, maybe with a nice picture of the family, especially if it's someone I'm close to. But if I hardly know the person, I don't want to recieve a letter learning all about their year, I would much rather get a card. So it depends on the people and the situation.

Answer 9

If it's from a family member or a friend I don't get to see very often, I'd much rather a letter. It's nice to read up on what has been going on in their lives, but it's also a polite thing to if you include questions in the letter. That way, it shows that you care about what is going on in their life as well.

A good example is when my dad's sister writes us, she tells us about my cousins, but also asks us what we've been doing, anything exciting happen?, ect.

A bad example is my mother's friend who only talks about her little girl (she won science fair, she won first prize at her dance competition, she's going to be starring in a school play, etc) without bothering to acknowledge how our lives have been going.

Hope that makes sense. =)

Answer 10

It's not rude to send a letter.

However, if it reads like a list of accomplishments and bragging points rather than just a friendly greeting and update on the past year it's going to come across as annoying at best.