I had this friend who had an AGGRESSIVE DOWN SYNDROME little boy..to make a long story short....?

Question

Her husband said '''You need to put him in the Home of Guiding Hands because i cannot take care of him"...he honest to God gave her 2 years to put him in a home...(also the doctors that each had examined and watch the boy...said .."it would be best for ALL involved " if you would put him in a home...long story...BUT SHE REFUSED.....her husband left...and she had to sell her beautiful home..Now i know we are NOT IN HER SHOES...but what do you THINK you would do???? keep the husband and give up the child....or let the husband go and keep the aggressive boy...???But it was her CHOICE>>

Answer 1

When I get married (in 3 months), I expect my husband to stick with me through thick AND thin...through good times AND bad. If we have a child that has mental or physical handicaps, (God forbid.) he/she will still be our child, and we will raise them as such.

The husband was wrong to threaten and leave his wife.

Answer 2

Whatever the decision made, it was right for her.

I care for people with developmental and physical disabilities for a living, and this includes dealing with ones that are aggressive and have violent tendencies. I have been punched in the face, kicked, pinched, slapped, hair pulled, and bit. What people don't understand is that the reason they act out this way is that they do not know how to process the emotions they feel. They might do these things in situations where they are very happy or excited. We know how to process that emotion, and know what it is to be very excited. But they don't know what it is or what to do.

It is difficult for parents in that situation. It takes someone very dedicated to care for a child with such a condition. This means giving up all you are used to, and even your life. You are caring for this child 24-7. Some people are willing to make the sacrifice, and some are not. Neither are wrong, but it is just the way it is.

The father was not willing to sacrifice his life for the child, and couldn't give up everything. It may sound harsh, and it may seem cold, but until you are in those shoes, all you can do is judge.

People now days have many options to locking someone in an institution. There are caregivers and foster families that will care for people such as this child, while allowing the parents to visit and be as involved in their child's life as they wish. There are also agencies that run homes (they are just like any other home), where four people with "special needs" live, and staff rotate in and out of the home. It is like living with roommates/housemates, and having some friends over. They could have also had an agency send staff to their home to care for their child, allowing them a break and making it easier for them in the end. These programs are typically funded or supplemented by state and county programs, providing financial aid to the situation and family.

You are right - it was her choice. And she made that choice, as did her husband. It is a choice each will have to live with, and I hope that each feels good about their decision.

Answer 3

I would throw the husband out in a heartbeat. Any man who would insist oninstitutionalizing a child with Down syndrome is not a man deserving of being a father. Given the "aggressiveness" of the father's ultimatum, I think the child's aggression is probably more of a learned behavior than having anything at all to do with Down syndrome.

I know lots of families with children who have Down syndrome and, as in any other population of people, there are some children who have behavioral issues. You work with those children, you don't send them away to die...and let's face it, an institution is just a place where people go and stagnate.

God bless your friend for choosing to love and keep her child.

Answer 4

a mothers decision is right most of the time. I am on her side. If the man can't handle the heat, then he did right by getting out of the kitchen. I give her props. But I think she needs to sue for child support, and be able to keep her home. Tell her to get a Lawyer. He should have to pay for half of all bills that are acruing becasue of their son.

Answer 5

i would choose my kids over my husband ALWAYS. The bond between mother and child is too strong to let anyone, even her husband come between them. if she needs help, she obviously knows where to find it. support her and don't fault her for her decision.

Answer 6

as u said it was her choice
she made a strong decision
it was idealy betwen a tough life nd easy one

she will need a lot of support
her husbans idea was more practical though
hers was bete emotionally
i mean Downs S is not malaria
it wont go away