Stay at home moms? How do keep from getting depressed if things aren't going as "planned"?

Question

I feel like I get into such a rut sometimes. How do you keep up with everyday chores and taking care of everyone around you without breaking down? Am I the only one who feels this way?

Answer 1

No, honey, you're not. I've been having a crappy morning myself as a stay-at-home mom and decided to take a quick me-time break while my little munchkins are napping to play on yahoo answers. A rut is a good word for it - however, you and I both know that we don't want to trade this for anything in the world. I'm a professional and chose to stay home with my son and another little kid I babysit. I couldn't bear the thought of throwing him out to the wolves (and constant sicknesses) of the daycare center. It does get old and boring sometimes....especially when you're used to so much more. I went from having over six figures a year income to not being able to afford my rent most months. It's terrible. BUT, every time my little boy smiles and I know he's healthy and happy - there is nothing in this world that would make me do differently. I get the house cleaned while the kids take naps (except when I play on the comp occasionally) and hope it's up to my husband's standards when he gets home at night (which it not always is). Good Luck and keep your head up!

Answer 2

Hey, I'm 14 and have a 3 month old daughter, for the first month I dropped out of school to bond with my daughter, during that time I basically went through what you did, I just felt like I was useless and had nothing to be proud of and whilst everyone else is getting an education, I'm sitting at home looking after a child I'm far too young to have. I can't imagine what it must feel like everyday for you, but trust me it will get better, this is all totally normal, all teen parents go through it in some way or another. It will get better in time, I know it sounds cliché but time will heal it, In a few months or years you'll be living an amazing life feeling so thankful that you never gave up on yourself.

Answer 3

I don't think SAHMs get the credit they deserve. I mean, how hard can it be to just sit at home, right? What people (husband/father) don't realize is that it's a 24/7 job. Your job doesn't end at 5, nor does it begin at 9. Sometimes I didn't know what day it was, nor did I care because everyday was the same. The key to breaking out of a rut is to have external support. Join local Mommy and Me classes. There's also a great non-profit group called International Moms Club specifically geared towards SAHMs. You can go to www.momsclub.org to find a local chapter near you. You'll be able to talk to other moms who are in the same boat but provide support for each other. It's also important to have "alone" time. Find a family member or babysitter, or husband/father to watch your child at least an hour a day while you go out and do absolutely nothing just for a change of scenery. I hope this helps and all the best to you.

Answer 4

Staying at home can make you feel like your brain cells are dying a slow death when you don't get any adult stimulation or conversation that doesn't include diapers, etc. I used to get very depressed just because I needed some intelligent conversation.
First of all, you know the chores will always be there. Make sure you do the things that matter most, but no one is going to remember if something was a bit dusty if you decide to read a good book while your kids are napping.
Most women steal their time at night when everyone else is asleep, but make sure you are getting enough sleep yourself.
You are not alone and there might be some groups in your community that you could join for companionship.

Answer 5

I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum. I was a SAHM for 24 years, and am now working full time. Would give my eyeteeth to be back home full time again, and am working towards that goal. It's important to take some time for YOU, everyday. Also important to keep yourself at least a little current...read the newspaper, surf online, just something so that you keep your brain working. If keeping up with daily chores, there is a website that was a godsend for me...www.flylady.net....will show you how to minimize the amount of time you need for doing "chores". When you have the free time, you can do FUN things with the kids, without the guilt of "stuff" hanging over your head, and maybe take up a hobby for yourself. Another thing you can do is to get together regularly with other moms...let the kids play together. Most of all, be thankful that you have the opportunity to be the main "teacher" for your little ones while they are young.

Answer 6

You are not the only one that feels like this. Just remember, as much as life seems like a rut sometimes, it changes so quickly. Last year this time I was in a real funk......everyone being sick, being stuck at home......my son was in a real bratty phase too.....and in a years time my life is completely different. This year one of my kids can dress themself, my son is in a sweet phase......

I also belong to 2 mom's groups -- MOPS (mothers of preschoolers, tho your kids can be any age) and also Mothers and More. The support has been nothing short of wonderful. Playgroups have helped -- to talk to other mom's who feel like I do.

And just remember, they are only small for such a short time. What seemed insurmountable last year when mine were 1.5 and 3.5 -- and next year I will have a 3.5 and a 5.5! What a different world! Times goes so fast!

I don't keep up with everyday chores either. Sometimes my husband comes home and I haven't started dinner, sometimes we have to get carry out. You just can't be so hard on yourself and make yourself crazy. Sometimes my hubby (who is very understanding) will say forget cleaning, just sit with me and relax.

May you find some peace. It is a frantic time of life.

Answer 7

I think you got your answer. You're absolutely not alone in this. It's hard to go day to day to day to day when the only thing that changes is the size of the piles of laundry and dishes. If it's getting to be too much, take some time for yourself. Even a 2-minute break sitting in the car in the garage, listening to YOUR music, helps sometimes. See if you can find a MOPS group (Mothers Of PreSchoolers) or a similar organization that can help lend some perspective. There's also clubmom.com that can probably help give you some ideas to keep you sane.

Oh, and remember this too: we all break down from time to time. It's relentless work that seems to have no end at times. It's OK to lock yourself in your room and have a good cry sometimes (just as long as the kiddos are occupied).

But keep in mind that you're also doing the most important job in the world. And you get to see the love in your babies' eyes every day. It's not a paycheck, but it's better in lots of ways.

We're pulling for you; there are lots of us out there who made the same decision, and we understand. Good luck--

Answer 8

Sit down and take a breather. Everything doesn't need to be perfect. Come up with a game plan yes and try to stick too it but remember not every thing can go as planned.

I don't know how old your children are but this is how i manage...the oldest goes to school. when baby takes a nap..i get most avg. chores done...sweep, mop, windex and what not...when baby gets up she eats and then I will vaccum while shes in her swing or playpen.

Take dinner out in the morning and defrost it then. Cook it before kids get home from school... thats why a microwave was invented.

Have certain days for laundry.

A home makers job is never done. When hubby is home do extra things...and maybe on weekends he can take the kids and you can get the extra stuff done.

And remember vacation is comeing soon and you'll have to hold back on them chores.

Try comeing up with things the kids can do. everything doesn't have to be perfect. LEt on fold laundry. Let one dry dishes. I mean if they are 5 or older they can have chores.

Answer 9

No, you aren't the only one!!

First of all, good for you for being a stay at home mom!! Too many parents are abandoning their kids and expecting day care facilities to raise their children. Staying at home is definitely a scarfice for the mom but it is the best thing they can do for their family!! SO, pat yourself on the back for actually rasing your children! It is a short amount of time for them and for you but THE most important time for them.

Second, uggg, housework and taking care of everyone!! LOL It is truly never ending! I set aside 1 or 2 days in which I clean the house and do laundry. The rest of my days are free and I try to get out of the house and take the kids somewhere. Just make a set day on which you clean.

I find that getting out of the house event to run errands or sit at the park helps break up the monotany.

There is a great site that I found pretty useful....

www.flylady.com

I really liked a lot of the tips and articles. If you sign up for their mailing list or reminders though you will get flodded with emails. Other than that, the site has some very useful tips and tricks!

Hang in there!! Take plenty of mommy time here anf there to rejuvenate and take care of yourself.

Answer 10

I don't find my joy in my "plan" but in my God and my family. So even if things aren't going my way I'm thankful for what I have and try to focus on the positive.

Here are some practical things that help me.

1. Take a day off from chores, let the laundry pile up and just have fun with your children. The fun day will give you the energy you need to tackle all the chores the next day. (sometimes fun day needs to turn into fun week)

2. Don't sweat the small stuff

3. Remind yourself that they will only be small once, enjoy them while you can

4. Take your mind off yourself and how bad you got it. It could be alot worse.