The father isnt involved much and were married... help?

Question

my lil girls daddy, which is my husband, doesnt ever want 2 spend time with our child! our lil girl is 4 months old! i dont know what 2 do! hes always playin his stupid pc game! it bugs me! how do i get him moe involved? i thought he was goin 2 be the best dad! but i thought wrong! it seems as if he doesnt even love her! were both young! im 20 and he's 22! we've been married for 3 years in July! what do i do? HELP ME PLEASE!

Answer 1

you said it. You are both young. I suggest that you have a heart to heart. Pull him aside, and tell him how you feel. Some men are scared of kids, and others believe that it is the womens job to care for his kids. (not always in a shovenist way) but in a matter of sence that men are men. Tell him how you feel, and just tell him that if he spends time with his daughter, there will be less recoil when she is a teenager.

Answer 2

To tell you the truth, many dads (espcially young new dads) don't really know what to do to help mothers with newborn babies. If your not breast feeding have him feed the baby once in while, especially the midnight feeding so you can get some rest. He could still change diapers once in a while, or make dinner/do the laundry/clean the house, in these first critical months. There is alot of stess on new mothers and the dad resposiblity is to take care of the mom while she cares for the baby. (At least that's how I feel about it. We have 3 children, our youngest is 14 months.)

If the problem is video gaming... that's another issue, maybe it's not a new baby... that's the problem. It's spending time taking care of his family! How much does he game? If hes addicted to gaming... is he amiable to just limiting his time gaming to a couple of hours a night? maybe every other night or once a week? See what he feels comfortable with. If he does make an effort to curb his addiction for gaming (for you), make sure you make his time worth it. Rent Movies that he may like to watch with you, have a family board game night, as long as you plan things more interesting than video gaming while he's trying to quit his addiction the better. (it doesn't have to be all the time, but make life enjoyable for both of you). If he's board or uhmm "nagged" while he is supposed to spend time with his family.... he'll quickly revert to the video game again. Also have him buy games that he can do quick saves and can be fun for him with a minimal amount of time on the computer. Good luck.

Answer 3

I am kinda in the exact same situation. I also have a 4mon old little girl and her dad works 15 hr days 6 days a week(right now since its christmas time) and when he is home is on the computer.any way I have talked to him to see why he never wants to be with her and he is a first time dad and was an only child he was never around babies before. He was just nervous on how to hold her, talk to her, play with her etc. I have slowly worked with him and now he is taking some what more of an interest. I know once she is a little bit older and can say whats wrong and be a little more independent they will have a great time together. Good Luck!!!

Answer 4

Sometimes age has a lot to do with it but you said you have been married for almost three years now and your baby is only 4 months old so i don't think it's his age. My brother is 24 almost 25, has two children and still acts like this. What you need to do is have a heart to heart with him and tell him exactly how you feel. I would throw his games in the trash and ask him to get his priorities straight!! Good luck girl and remember if your old enough to be a good mother he's old enough to be a good dad!

Answer 5

I had the same problem with my daughters dad and still to this day I still do!! I don't know what it is but for whatever reason whether it be the don't feel competent around her...or he is afraid of doing the wrong thing..or maybe because of your young age maybe he just wasn't ready for all of this. I know that's harsh to say but it happens even in men that are older as well. My daughters dad still has issues with spending time with his daughter and she is almost two. Just hang in there he will come around I promise. Some men just don't show any interest until the walk n talk and actually play with them. Don't get too hard on him and give him some time to adjust to the new life style. I know that's hard to hear cuz it was hard for me to except but he will. Just slowly encourage him to spend time with her and eventually everything will be ok. Hang in there..Good Luck!!

Answer 6

I went through the same thing. The baby girl is too young to play with him. Right now, baby needs you more and he feels like there's nothing he can do to help her. Get him more involved in changing her, bathing her etc. I kept saying daddy to my lil girl, so her first word was daddy, even though he was hardly around. If your baby sees that you love him, she'll love him...and he should come around. But guys are more into their daughters when they are a little older to play rough. My daughter (now 4) and husband spend every evening playing together. They dont even bother me at all. Dont worry. He;ll come around

Answer 7

A lot of men feel no connection to such a young infant, give him some time. Once he can interact with the baby more he will spend more time with her. He will probably really feel connection when she can respond to him by hugging back, saying Dada and playing with him, like 10 months or so. Just give him encouragement and show him how to interact. Make sure you are giving him the attention he needs also so he doesn't feel too distant from the two of you.

Answer 8

From one young wife and mother to another give him an ultimatum its either u girls or his game and be serious i can't tell you how many times i have threatened divorce but the moment i got serious about started getting the facts and stuff then he became serious OR option2 talk with him first and ask him why-- why he doesn't want to spend time with his daughter and why is the pc more important then her if u r not satisfied with his answer proceed to option one GOOD LUCK and remeber u can't change a man unless hes in diapers!!

Answer 9

Try to be patient. Some men don't know how to interact with a small infant. If his act continues when she begins to get mobile and active then you have a problem. Right now as long as he helps change, feed, bathe her that might be all he thinks he has to do. Show him how to play with her or ask him to take her for walks etc.

Good Luck!

Answer 10

It's not that he doesn't love her, he is "scared" of her. With this being his first, most men are not sure what to do with a baby. My husband was this way too with our first and second, but he got better with the third. Just give him time, it may take a while, in the mean time, just make him hold her to get use to her, and be sure to talk to him about your concerns. communication is the key to a healthy marriage!