my mum doesnt talk 2 her real dad and he doesnt no im alive i no where he lives and so do my cousins?

Question

do u think i should confront him and ask y he's ignored us 4 so long or should i let sleeping dogs lie??

Answer 1

First off, you said he doesnt know that you are alive. Do you mean he dont know you were born, or are you saying he just doesn't acknowledge your existence? In any case I think you should pay him a visit and question him, but I dont think you should come off confrontational. Unless you dont want a relationship with this man. He might be doing this to respect your moms wishes. You sound like you are old enough to know what you want. So I say pay him a visit. This reminds me of my own family. My brother divorced his wife. His wife did not want my mom (the kids grandma) to have any contact with the kids. My mom respected her wishes. This has been one of the hardest things to do. To my brothers kids my mom dont exist. God only knows what there mom told them. My brother has no contact because that is what he wishes. I dont know how anyone can walk away from the kids and not look back. One day when one of the girls turned 18 she looked up my mom. My mom was thrilled and told her to come back and visit, she never did this broke my moms heart. So I say go check out your grandpa. You will never know unless you do. Good luck, my thoughts are with you.

Answer 2

This all depends on what you hope to gain out of this confrontation. Do you want to begin a relationship with him or do you wish to fight and throw stones at him? How can he have ignored you if he does not know that you exist? I would contact him and try to get some answers and see where he is coming from. Remember that there are always two sides to a story. Give it a chance! Take a chance! Talk to him and see where it goes. Just remember that the answers you get from him may not be what you want to hear. Be ready for anything, be it love, happiness, or just even closure to your curiosity of why he has not been a part of your life. Good Luck to you!

Answer 3

I wouldn't 'confront' him as you say - your mum might have asked him not to contact you, so you don't know the full story. There might be reasons why she doesn't talk to him - he may have hurt or abused her or someone else. He may even be dangerous. You have a lot to consider. Why do you want to confront him? What do you want to get out of it? You say he doesn't know you are alive, so how can he ignore you - you are not really making any sense.

Answer 4

It sounds as if you want to. You risk hurting your mum, though.

Has she ever given the reason why she cut off contact with him? Ask her! If it's awkward, ask your aunties & uncles. He might turn out to be horrible.

This 'ignoring' - if he doesn't know you exist, you can't accuse him of ignoring you. I don't think 'confronting' sounds like a good idea. Go very gently, if you do decide to get in touch.

Get more information, then you might be better placed to make a decision.

Good luck!

Answer 5

Trust your mom on this. Ask her the same question and then take her advice.

And honestly, why do you want to confront him at all? What purpose will that serve? You won't feel better if you do...he'll still be a loser and you'll still have the years that you grew up without a grandfather.

Answer 6

If your mum hasn't spoken to him for ages i think the reason must be pretty bad and you shouldn't do anything without speaking to her, you need to get all the facts about the situation. You might think just going and yelling at him will make you feel better but it's very risky, are you really prepared for it if he tells you something you really don't want to know?

Answer 7

no...but what you could do is write him a letter telling him who you are....this is something from your mums past...don't dig it up unless you know what happened between them both...there are reasons why she does not talk to him, he has done you no harm, so there's no need to go out with all guns blazing...write him a little note with a picture and tell him that you are his granddaughter....your mum will tell you why they fell out if need be but do not upset the family apple cart because of something that happened between your mum and her father, there could be a reason to why he has not contacted you, your mum may have made that clear to him that she didn't want him involved...she has her reasons and so does he, but find out the facts before you go out there accusing him of anything, especially when you know nothing about him...she may not want to know...but do tell her that you want to contact him, if she does not mind then write that letter to him...don't go assuming that he is the wrong do-er in this....it has nothing to do with you....but he does have the right to know his grandchildren...do not be nasty with him, because he has not done you any harm...find out what he's like first then take it from there....also if he did not know that you exist...how could he be ignoring you...yo need to sit down and think about this because if you go see him, this could get you into big trouble with your mum.....ask her if you can write him a letter...if she says no then yes...let sleeping dogs lie...it's not your business...it's between them.....

Answer 8

Has your Mother ever told you why she doesn't talk to her real Father? This should be the first question answered. If her father hasn't made an effort to rectify the situation with his own daughter then why would you want to set yourself up for hurt? It sounds like you would be better off without him.

Answer 9

i think u should that means he missed a lot of what was happening for the past years. He shouldn't be ignoring y'all because that's not right. Maybe he do know you,re alive but dont gives a damn

Answer 10

Go with you feel in your heart but remember look at all the up sides and the down side of it don't just rush this if you decided to do this for most of my grown up life my father was not around and when my mom died he never called to say a word and he knew but for the longest time. i resented him but i forgave him and now i talk to him every now and then he lives in mexico!I had to forgive him because he was my father and i don't want to live with guilt for the rest of my life if he was to pass and we never made ammends!!