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hi guys. I am married and my husband has a 6 yr old boy. his mother hates me, and is jellous as we have just bought a house together and the little boy loves coming up our house.he comes on weekends.his mother is now stopping him from coming up to see myself and his father and she says I have nothing to do with her son.she needs mental help because she has screws loose but I am only 19 and get called immature and childish and not a mother by his ex.she slapped myself and my husband in the face last night but i did not retalliate because we have got the police involved to charge her with assault.I do not know how to deal with this women coz she just shouts and screams in the middle of the street when we try to speak to the little boy.I dont know what suggestions you have for me.I recommened to everyone that you marry a guy with no strings attatched.I didnt think about this coz it used to be okay coz his ex thought it was just a fling and it wouldnt last.she is a crazy physcho!!! help!

2006-12-14 02:59:56 · 12 answers · asked by kez 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting Parenting

thanks for the advice all.his mother says that we dont love him anymore, which i hope he knows is not true.I have contacted social services and they are going to see her and littleone tonight.I hope they can sort something out and see where im coming from.I recorded everything that was said last night on my phone which was clever so that the police can hear how she was performing.when we take him home on the weekends he cries coz he doesnt want to go back but there is not much we can do coz if we dont take him home then we get done for kid napping!!! so screwed up.i have tried everything.I have been with my hubby for 3 years and its only got worse between us and his ex(wench).you would have thought she wud have got used to it by now but she has tried everything and if it doesnt work she will try something new and most of the time she is using the boy.

2006-12-14 03:28:13 · update #1

believe it or not, we have tried so hard to get custody but everything we report to the social they dont take any notice of.I had to write a 2page email on tuesday to the social just so that they would go check things out.its not fair that he cant just live where he wants too.she is so jellous that we have what we have and that the little boy loves me like he does.I think she has always wished that I was the evil step mother but I was the total opposite and baby took to me instantly.he was 3 when I met hubby.

2006-12-14 03:39:15 · update #2

this is such a help,thank you all so much.Im alot happier knowing that im not the only one going through hell! Me and hubby have been trying for our own baby for the past 2 years and nothing has happened,I want my own child to call my own.I know little boys mother wont like that but it will even terms off abit. we have both been checked and nothings wrong with either of us. which i am getting annoyed with.we are wanting to go through solicitors and courts and most def go through courts on the assault part coz i am not letting that go,i would if I got my fair share of a hit back.I am really wanting the social to become more involved so they can see the things that we see but we need someone to be with us every weekend and thats impossible,isnt it? It is a hard life and there have been many times that I have thought I am just too young for this and there is just too much shite involved and the amount of arguments myself and hubby have had because of her.I went to pick baby up the one day

2006-12-14 03:53:17 · update #3

and she had photos all over her living room of her and my hubby and littleone like 5 years ago,i know it was a long time ago but do i want to see these cotchy photos of her and my husband! that stung and she got to me and little lad took them down coz he knew it hurt me and he hid them away.she tries stuff like this which is bound to hurt and it does and I try to take no notice but I cant.I wish he was just a little older so he could decide for himself.

2006-12-14 03:57:11 · update #4

12 answers

God, I feel for you! I am in a similar situation. My husband has 3 kids and a crazy ex-wife. She is 7 years older than me and has told me that I am "nothing" to her kids and I am a child. I'm sure she thought we were just a fling too, but this Feb. we will celebrate our 7 year anniversary. I hate to tell you, but she won't stop being crazy, she's a jealous woman and she now has to watch her son bond with another woman. She will nit-pick at EVERYTHING you do, so you would be wise to not make any decision unless you have her permission, or your husbands. My husband's ex has calmed down a bit, I think she finally realized I'm not going anywhere, she's still a b%^$^, but that's just her and I have accepted it and now find her rants as good entertainment. You were smart to press charges, you can't let her get away with that and if she truly is mental, her son shouldn't be in that environment anyways. I hope all of you can eventually find a common ground and be civil to each other. You may have to take this to court. I have an 11 year-old son and luckily I don't have to share him, if I did, I'd like to think I wouldn't be a crazy woman, that's not the kind of person I am. Maybe you can try to talk to her or write her a letter letting her know that you are not trying to be his mother, but you are in his life and she needs to know that you love her son and have his best interest in mind. You & your husband may want to look into a custody hearing. We do 50/50, one week here and then they go to her house for a week. I'm sorry for you, I know exactly what you're going through, just hang in there and ignore her as best you can.

2006-12-14 03:40:15 · answer #1 · answered by kalamibe 2 · 0 0

Just make sure you show the little boy how much you love him and make his time with you extra special. He will eventually be of an age where he can make his own judgements! Those will be the important ones when it comes to his choices! She is obviously a very bitter ex .. and although it is hard on the little lad, getting the police and social involved was a good idea. They will see and hear with an experienced ear, and if there is a possibility perhaps you could consider the option of your husband going for full custody on the basis that she is unstable and you are worried about the stories she tells the little boy. Being 6 he understands quite a bit, so next time you do have him for a visit, explain to him as much as you can, without putting the mother down too much!! He will understand a lot more than you think! Goodluck and I sincerely hope you get things sorted!

2006-12-14 11:44:55 · answer #2 · answered by lynne 3 · 0 0

You are doing the right thing by getting the police and informing social services, hopefully they will sort it out for you. Just make sure you don't bad mouth his mother in front of him. No matter how much of a cow she is, she is still his mother and his little head doesn't need to be poisoned anymore than it already is by her. Don't let her get to you as that is what she wants, stay strong with your husband and be nothing but civil to her. In the end it will be her who looks the idiot unfit mother.

Your husband could try writing letters to his son and keep them till he's older during the times she won't allow access. That way he will know what was going on and that you both love and missed him.

Just stick it out and go through the courts for legal rights, that way she won't have a leg to stand on.

2006-12-14 13:02:49 · answer #3 · answered by koolkatt 4 · 0 0

Wow, I feel sorry for this little boy. How immature of her to play games with him. It sounds as if you're doing the right things. Well done. It should be your husband who is sorting this out. It sounds as if he needs to straighten a few things out with her. If she won't listen, there's not much he/you can do. Is there someone else who could talk some sense into her?

As for your relationship with the boy, can you think of him just as a kid, like your brother? Every child is different; just treat him as a child. If his mother is a psycho, you and his dad are doing a good thing in providing him with a 'normal' home.

I hope she can be persuaded to change her mind about letting him stay. She sounds very insecure, and it may take her a long time to come round.

2006-12-14 11:16:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

The little boy is the most important person here. It's important you don't, under any circumstances respond to her with any verbal or physical assaults. If he sees all the adults in his life behaving badly he'll think it's normal.
That said I would go to a solicitor and explain to him/her what is happening. There must be something you can do to stop her behaving like this in front of the child. It's child abuse. She has to accept that as the child's stepmother you will always be a part of his life. She has to move on. Just behave with dignity all the time, everyone will see that she is the one with the problem, even the child when he grows up and looks back.(hopefully not in anger)

2006-12-14 11:15:53 · answer #5 · answered by SUSIE 2 · 0 0

That sounds so terrible for all of you involved there is a lot of hurt going around everyone.
It sounds like the ex wants your hubby back with her and she cant stand knowing that he is happy with you. She will do everything possible to get you two to split up by the sounds of things but getting to poor boy involved is terribly selfish.
I have heard of the social services not helping before. My friends girlfriend broke up with him and started smoking dope and leaving the baby alone in the house for hours at a time. We watched and recorded times and dates etc but they didnt do a thing. only when the baby was a few months old and ate some canabis resin and ended up in a&e did they do anything so i know how awful it is!
becareful if you tape conversations on the phone or in person without the other persons permission as it is illegal.
good luck with it all hope it works out

2006-12-14 13:13:22 · answer #6 · answered by bebishenron 4 · 0 0

First off, the two of you are married and so therefore you are a part of the childs life. Rather than continue fighting with her, take her to court for visitation or custody. Let the law handle it. This may mean spending some time away from the child until it is resolved, but really, what good is anyone doing for him by fighting with each other.

2006-12-14 11:06:26 · answer #7 · answered by Amanda D 2 · 1 0

Well evidently she does not like you but you are not alone. It really dosen't matter who he married she would of act like that with any woman not just you. It is unfortunate that you are taking the brunt of it. Kill her with kindness, while i know it is easier to say than do. Send her a Christmas card. She will just love that. Personally i have been with a man the past 5 years and he has an ex from hell. 5 more years and she will be gone because their kids will be grown. But do the best you can and do not to let you step son think that it is his fault.

2006-12-14 11:08:27 · answer #8 · answered by Buttercup=sweetness 2 · 2 0

fight for the custody of him, my husband brought his two children up for 10 years on his own before i met him, their mother was a bit of a so an so to say the least, she used them for her own needs, they both call me mum (they are 19yr old girl & 21yr old boy), the boy doesn't have anything to do with his natural, he cant stand her in fact, but the girl wants her approval, w ehave had are ups & downs, the girl is very jealous of me cos she was the only female in the house till i came along, she has now moved out & the boy is at uni, he wont hear of any one calling me his step mum to him i am his mum, I came on the scene 4yrs ago, however the girl has caused all sorts of problems but we wouldn't let her come between us, you fight through the problems. hope this is helpful & good luck

2006-12-14 11:28:31 · answer #9 · answered by Piggy56 4 · 0 0

you could try speaking to a solicitor about getting temporary custody of the child if she is violent toward you 2 she could be toward the boy.

2006-12-14 11:06:25 · answer #10 · answered by Alik411 3 · 1 0

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