I'm a single mother of one. I started dating the man I thought was my best friend of 6 years over a year ago. Things were OK, we got engaged in May, pregnant in July (planned), then I broke it off after he displayed a violent temper towards me and in front of my child in September. I tried to give it another chance simply for the sake of my unborn son, but it has fallen apart again (same reason and cuz of constant disrespect he shows me). I won't go back to him, ever.
He's decided that he will "only do what the court says I have to and that's it". I believe I would be better off moving on with my life as if he doesn't exist. I have good men in my life in family and friends, and this bio-dad will be across the country after my move next summer. Should I bother with the whole court process of getting support and, if he asks, dealing with cross-country visitation with a baby? The support $$ would be insignificant; he makes little and supports two other children already.
2006-12-14 02:54:10 · 15 answers · asked by T P 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I sounds like you already know what to do. Good luck!! Remember, it is better to be FROM a broken home than to be LIVING in one. So what is best for you and your children and it sounds like being away from this man.
2006-12-14 02:58:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well....it sounds like you have made the right decision to move on. Never EVER stay together just for the childrens sake! They will be much happier in the end knowing that they grew up in a loving family environment than one that was constantly filled with anger and fighting. I do believe that it is best for a child to have two parents..but sometimes, it just doesn't work out that way. And regardless...they will turn out okay. They say what doesn't kill us makes us stronger...right?!
As far as the child support goes... Your child does deserve it...no matter how little the amount is...however, I would definately think it through. Your child will want to know who his father is at some point...and you owe it to him to have an answer. You can't make this guy be a good father...but you can make him own up to his responsibility. There will come a time when your child will want some answers and you need to be prepared to deal with that. You can't bad mouth his dad either...you have to let him figure it out on his own. Regardless of how many babies he has made in his life...he should be held responsible for them all because one day, they may find him and want to know just what the hell happened.
Having a good male role model is for your child is wonderful and I speak from extensive experience...Myself and MY Children...but nobody can replace your "Dad".
Do the best you can and your children will love you for it...I promise. It's a shame that the bio-dad may never ever know that love. HIS LOSS!!
Good luck to you and CONGRATS!
2006-12-14 03:14:58 · answer #2 · answered by Sunshine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you are not married to him, visitation would be to your discretion due to the fact you will have 100% custody. If you wish to pursue the whole court thing, he would have to take a DNA test, which would then, when positive, place his name on the birth certificate giving him the right to have visitation ordered. If you believe the care of your children would not have much impact either way, then the choice is yours. He knows he would have to follow the courts orders or go to jail, he cannot force you to be with him- that is called captivity/ kidnapping it is against the law. He would have to come to you, and if you get a restraining order and then an order of protection issued by the court his visitation would be supervised ONLY and he could not take the child ANYWHERE, you would have full custody.
2006-12-14 03:04:51 · answer #3 · answered by lisads1973 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would talk to a lawyer, and probably only seek child support if they can work out a no-visitation deal.
Or, if you're not going to seek support from him at all, go ahead and have him sign over all his parental rights, then you can be free and clear of him completely, and when you DO find the right guy and can adopt the child himself if he and you decide.
But either way, i'd ask a lawyer for the best course of action.
Chances are that if this guy doesnt even WANT to do anything, he's surely not going to make a cross country trip for any visitation he's allowed.
2006-12-14 02:59:26 · answer #4 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I doubt that you're going to accept as true with me on all of this yet your son must be your correct precedence. Do what's better for him. This feels like a completely tousled situation. Your son has your fiance's very last call? and also you've which very last call? i'm guessing that you've been no longer married to bio dad. My wager is that noticeably if you aren't to any extent further married for your fiance by using the time that the call replace case is going to courtroom that you will be made to regulate it to both the bio dad's very last call or for your modern-day very last call. Your son's father would have very reliable probabilities of having significant visitation ought to he favor to. this will be very authentic if bio dad can say that you've moved more desirable than once in the previous 365 days or live consisting of your fiance. supply the bio dad a damage. one 365 days of little involvement does no longer propose that he ought to lose out on a life of understanding his newborn. do not ignore that your son is only as a lot your ex's newborn as he's yours. imagine the way you'll sense if the circumstances were reversed. and attempt to do what's better for the little boy. He must be your correct precedence. reliable success!
2016-10-18 07:02:19 · answer #5 · answered by leong 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's using his unborn child as leverage to get you back. It's manipulation pure and simple. He probably would be a poor parent anyways if his involvement is contingent upon you complying with demands.
He should have to pay child support, however small the sum may be. He knowingly fathered a child and it costs money to raise a child. It kills me when fathers equate financial support with access to the child, as if they are paying for time. If he made the effort to visit the child I would allow it but chances are he'll lose interest once he realizes he's got nothing to gain. Good luck. I applaud you for doing what's right for you and your children cuz their well-being is most important.
2006-12-14 03:11:50 · answer #6 · answered by Sandy Sandals 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A parent's love for a child, is a love without an amen. If he is unwilling to be a part of this child's life without stipulations or being forced by the court system, then he is not a parent. I wouldn't even acknowledge him as the father. If he wants to be a part of the child live, he needs to work like a parent for it.
2006-12-14 03:04:08 · answer #7 · answered by Aumatra 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have already answered you own question. It is just a scary time right now. Don't go back to him ever - especially he is violent. BS - you and your kids will be better off. Cross country visitations??? Are you nuts? Who says he will not beat the child too. Kick his butt out and say good riddance.
2006-12-14 03:00:38 · answer #8 · answered by GP 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For the sake of the baby I would move as far as i could to get away from him..You can't make him want the baby..
And If he is violent to you...he could be violent to the baby...
You nor the unborn child deserve this... So move & be happy & love your kids
2006-12-14 03:02:15 · answer #9 · answered by ahg30 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i don't get support for my oldest. He decided not to be in her life at all. She is turning out great ( she's 11) without his negative influence. If you don't need the $$ then avoid the hassel. If he wants to see YOUR baby, then he needs to make the effort to travel cross-country. If his negative attitude persists deny him the visits- your kids don't need to witness that. Put your last name on the birth cert. trust me its easier when they start school and he's not in the picture. Good Luck and Be Strong.
2006-12-14 03:01:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋