I also have 2 older sister, ages 26 and 31. This bothers them so much that at Thanksgiving they stopped talking to my mom. I realize that my mom drinks too much and it doesn't bother me to stay home alone but it's my sisters that have the big problem with this and they don't even live here. Then they want me to tell them everything wrong that my mom does. I refuse to. The 31 year old even wants me to get a job at Sea World this summer and move in with her. I think it's great that she cares but I really don't want to leave my hometown. I love it here in the summer and I love being with my friends. I already have a job and I'm planning to work there this summer. Also, both of my sisters dump all of their problems on me. What can I do to get them to realize that they shouldn't be 'putting all their weight on me' and using me against our mom? What SHOULD I do? Please help me.
2006-12-14 02:36:30 · 7 answers · asked by Rebalicious 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
im sure they are worried about you, and you already know that. you probably also know your mom may or may not get better any time soon and it seems you are making the best out of what life is giving you right now. you should tell your sisters that gryping to you about your mother all the time makes things worse and if they have a problem with her they should be talking to her not you.
2006-12-14 06:16:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, you are carrying a very heavy load and you may not see the ramifications right now, but they will come back to haunt you later. If your mother is out drinking and partying every night and you accept it as okay, then you are an enabler. An enabler is somebody that doesn't want to offend somebody by confronting them so they are helping the other person to stay sick. I think it would be great if you could see some normalcy in your life. I think there are very few people out there that can be in your situation without being negatively affected by it. Don't defend your mother's actions,no matter how you look at it, she is being irresponsible. Until you are 18 it is her job to take care of you and not choose a bar over her child. Go stay with your sister for at least a few weeks this summer and get out from under the responsibility of being your mother's caretaker. Also, talk to your sisters about getting her some help, because it is obvious that she has gotten out of control, just by her neglect of you. Good Luck and you are in my prayers!
2006-12-14 11:33:17 · answer #2 · answered by stacey h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your sisters probably have lots of resentment toward your mother from things well before what you are dealing with currently. They want to protect you and feel like they could offer you better, but you probably already know this. The solution will sound cold and it takes strength to do it. It is something I had to do with my family. You will have to stop making yourself available to your sisters. Stop accepting their calls or stop the conversation anytime it becomes a dumping session. Simply just tell them you have to go or you just do not want to discuss this anymore. If they complain, hangup or walk away. Tell them you appreciate their concern for you but you feel strong enough to make sure you're getting to school and eating and caring for yourself appropriately without moving in with them or telling them every thing your mother does wrong. You have to set a limit with them and then you have to obey it because they will not. However, if you follow through they will get the picture eventually. Recourse? They may get upset with you for pushing them away. You will have to accept that every person is responsible for how they feel. You are not responsible for how loving yourself and requiring that other people love you makes them feel. It is no more loving for them to dump their problems on you as it is for your mom to be gone drinking so much. You have to decide to see what they are all doing wrong and do the exact opposite and remind yourself to feel good about yourself for doing what is right even though it is hard. I have had to do this with my family. It used to be drinking when I was younger that my mom was neglecting us over but then it became church. Still to this day my mother is not a part of any of our lives. I had 4 sisters and brothers under me to care for from the time I was 6 and then took care of their kids when they started having kids at your age. You have to decide to live for you and only you. It does not mean you do not love them, but you have to love yourself first and foremost. This is not selfish but it is a form of love that most do not understand. I hope this helps and I know you can do what is going to be best for you. I had my first apartment at your age and my first job. Of course someone had to sign for my apartment, but I've been on my own since 15 and I'm 29 now. If I can make it while supporting my family, you can too!
2006-12-14 10:51:00 · answer #3 · answered by Love to Love 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW...sounds like my life story.I am 27 and I have 2 sisters 16 and 30. My mom is an alcoholic and has been my entire life. My 16 yr.old sis lives with her still and we worry so much about her. She is ALWAYS home alone while my mom is out drinking just like she was when we were little...believe me I know how it feels. I would say (if you want to stay there) to prove to your sisters that you can handle things. If you can do well in school and remain strong I think they wont worry as much. You have to prove that you wont let your moms behavior affect your life. My sisters and I separated ourselves from her in order to better ourselves and we DONT go there on holidays either. Its sad but we have to.Its too frustrating. Just remember that it doesnt mean your mom doesnt love you. It is a horrible disease. Just stay strong finish school...go to college and make a life for yourself. Prove to your sisters that you are okay (if u are) And dont be a statistic. Prove , like I did, that alcoholic parents dont always mean alcoholic kids! You can beat it. I raised myself and you may have to too!! Keep your head on your shoulders..life DOES get better...I promise!!!!!
2006-12-14 11:25:30 · answer #4 · answered by lk7916 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think you should talk to your sisters about your problems and how they are affect you in your life. Sometimes people have been so frustrated and commanding that it hurts so the only way you can solve this is to help your mom and included your sisters in the process because I believe that it would draw you closer to the problems that need to be solve.
2006-12-14 10:50:30 · answer #5 · answered by Lateasha b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell them how you feel. Maybe you should sit your mom down and talk to her about your sisters and their concern maybe she will realize she is leaving you by yourself and drinking to much.Then she can straighten things out with your sisters.
2006-12-14 10:44:40 · answer #6 · answered by cole 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your mom is an alcholic, tell your siblings you all need to go to Al-Anon, it will help you, and them know what to do about your mom... i grew up like you, so get help now
2006-12-14 10:41:29 · answer #7 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋