Please Help With Awkward Family Horribleness?

Question

Twenty years ago my uncle acted very inappropriately with me on three seperate occassions (passes, cuddling for too long, fondling). As a kid I went to the other adults in the family about this and was confronted with major anger towards me and denial.
Now I have a family of my own, and I get a phone call from my mother about how my uncle and his family are here and want to see my gorgeous house and beautiful children.
My husband doesn't want to even meet the guy, let alone shadow him, making sure he's not alone in the same room with the kids, which is what we would have to do.
What should we do? Currently we're conveniently planning a trip so we don't even have to deal with this, but that seems llike running away every time they say "Boo". The guy is seventy years old now. I don't want to talk with the rest of the family again. Remember, major denial. How would you guys handle this?

Answer 1

i would do the same thing you are doing....i would run away. i think if even i didn't have a trip planned i would say i would.
my second choice would be to go OUT to dinner with the people. be in a public place, deny them access to your home, finish up with dessert, and call it a night.

Answer 2

Sometimes, dear one, discretion is the better part of valor, and I'd advise you to go full steam ahead with your travel plans.

I understand where you're coming from, because I had a similar problem in my own family. In a way I was lucky, because the perpetrator died long before I had children of my own.

It's too bad that your family wouldn't listen when the incidents occurred, but congratulate yourself that you at least spoke up, which is more than I did.

Your first responsibility is to your children, and if interaction with your uncle is inevitable, then by all means keep it in a public place. Your home should be your family's refuge, and I can understand that you might not want to have this individual in that refuge, so stick to your guns and don't allow it.

I wish you peace, healing, and joy.

Answer 3

This happened to me too, my family knew my uncle was a pedophile but wanted to tell me to get over it. As a young adult, I still went around him and his family because I was made to feel obligated. But once I became a strong adult, I cut myself off from all of them. How dare they think it is okay and acceptable for a grown man to molest a child? That is the attitude I took and stuck with it.....you owe them nothing!! It took me several years to stand up and say "NO" it is not okay. If you continue to allow this man anywhere around you then you don't have complete control and you are accepting what he did. You have the support of your husband and that is all you need. Stop the cycle, it ends with you! I feel much better about myself as a person, once I let everyone know I would not allow another moment of my life to be dictated by people that did not have my best interests at stake. Good Luck!!!

Answer 4

It doesn't matter how anyone else feels about this situation, he may be an old man, but what he did to you cannot be overlooked just because he's fraile, he ruined your trust, and you will never feel safe with him around or with your kids, if the family is showing signs of denial, don't get upset, you are just protecting yourself and kids, keep on trucking.

Answer 5

Be honest tell your mother that due to things in the past, it would be best for you and your family if your uncle not to come to your house. You do not owe her or any one else an explaination. You do owe your children safety and security. Just because the man is 70 does not stop him from being a pervert.

Answer 6

Absolutely not. Tell your mother and him directly if you have to that he is not welcomed in your home. What your mother fails to realize is that child molesting is an insideous act that stays in a family until someone like yourself puts there foot down and says enough is enough. The fact that she and other members of your family denied it and were angry with you is not surprising at all. In fact, there anger might stem from being in denial of there own sexual abuse inflicted upon them by this monster. Please don't allow this man into your home. Feel free to email me.

Answer 7

Be flat, Uh... No, I don't think I want my children around a man like that, nor do I wish to be in his presence, especially in my own home around my children. You could also suggest that if they want the "dear old uncle" to see 71, it might be a good idea to keep him away from your Husband!
Piss on everyone else's feelings, what about yours, not to mention your fears, because you know first hand the type of behaviors he has. God forbid he do something to your children, you will feel you failed as a protector to your children, and because you know the disgusting truth about this man, you could be held accountable as well.... it's called failure to protect. Don't feel like you have to try to save face with anyone, you were a child and he was a A**hole, and you are doing the right thing to avoid any contact with this person, piss on who else doesn't like it.

Answer 8

Always remember, your first responsibility is to your childern. It is up to you to protect them anyway that you can. If you feel uncomfortable in any way with having your children around this man then DO NOT do it. - PERIOD!

I have the same issue with my brother-in-law. He tends to pay more attention to my daughter than what I am comfortable with. I/we only see him at holidays and my daughter is now old enough to say no she does not want to hug him. However, if he persists, I tell him to leave her alone and she simply stays close to me and/or her father. I cannot ask my in-laws to not have him over in their house however, I can keep him from my daughter while there and he would never be alone with her anyplace!

Answer 9

keep him out of your family's life, you seem happy so why ruin it with the past?