Girlfriends ex fiancé called her?

Question

My girlfriend of 4 months was engaged to a guy for 2 years. From what she tells me he treated her like utter **** and put her down at ever turn he got. Our relationship has been nothing short of wonderful (maybe its just the honeymoon phase) but I have been with enough girls to know when it feels right. She changed her cell number moved back with her parents and cut of all ties with him. So he called her parent’s house form a blocked number and she picks up. After she realizes its her ex she tells him that she is with me and he asks her “are you happy”? and she responds “yes very and don’t call here again”. Nonetheless this upset her highly but Im not sure for which reasons. She acted extremely strange towards me and I practically had to corner her to find out what happened after which she finally told me that he called. Im more confused than ever and don’t know what to make of any of this and I refuse to put in time for something that will backfire on me. Any help please?

Answer 1

She is obviously hurt by the way that he treated her, and she has moved on and is done with him obviously. However, she may still have some feelings for him, even though she has moved on. And when he called it probably opened up some old wounds. She will be ok, just be patient. Talk to her about it, if you are both adults you should be able to discuss her feelings without becoming overwhelmed with jealousy. God bless****

Answer 2

Don't panic--it's reasonable that contact from her ex fiance would upset her. After all, the break up was hurtful, she invested alot in the relationship and has made a big effort to cut ties with him. You two sound like you're able to communicate well. You're still getting to know each other at this stage of the relationship and it was probably hard for her to bring up a past relationship that caused her pain. It doesn't sound like she wanted this to be something that was the focus of a discussion with you. She seems like she has her head on straight and didn't hesitate to tell him to not call back. She reacted emotionally--give her some slack. I don't see how you think this will backfire on you...every relationship is a risk and she is taking a risk too. She may have felt vulnerable and reluctant to share the baggage from the previous relationship. Those are my thoughts! I think you have a good thing going...trust your initial instincts.

Answer 3

I suppose I would sit down and think for a second... How long have you been w/your soon to be hubby? How long was the gap between the ex and you. How long have you been together? I only ask due to the fact I was engaged for about 1.5 years and dated for 3 years. If an ex was calling still after 4+ years it was due to the fact my fiance was still talking to him or her. If I had to bet he picks up the phone once in a while. If not then OK, tell your self that. Simply ask your fiance to change his phone number. If needed change the house phone also. Change the email address or w/e else is needed. Trust is hard to build but easy to break. Remember to put each other first and respect each others feelings. If he respects you then he will change the phone or do w/e he needs to do if it will make you feel better. I think you will be OK but you need to be honest and open about your feelings. *edit If I may also add these simple words that will help both of you for many years.... remember to, "Listen to Understand"

Answer 4

Understand where she's coming from (to a degree)- I was engaged 2x before I met my husband.

The first guy was abusive toward my time- he couldn't keep his word on when he'd be there for me... to save his life!! I gradually fell out of love with him, broke off the engagement. A friend talked me into giving him a second chance- Boy, was that a bad idea!!

The second guy was abusive in that he lied to me about a number of things- I have issues with deceit... Anyway, there were a couple things he wasn't totally honest with me about, I found out he'd been less than honest with our minister, and I left town. I stayed with family, and about 2 weeks after I left, I called him back and broke it off. (No, I didn't tell him where I was!!)

I've been married for almost 7 yrs, but if one of my ex's called me, I'd be pissy for a couple days, too, but then I'm oh, so over both of them.

Your girlfriend was engaged to this guy for 2 years!! That's a long time to be with someone. A person doesn't forget that much stuff after only 4 months. My guess is that his call dredged up a lot of sh-stuff- emotional baggage, re-opened a lot of emotional wounds. The fact that she "allowed" him to hurt her for so long may also be something his call brought to her mind.

My suggestion- Let her know you're still around, supportive, that you still love her. Let her know that if she needs some time to deal with the... whatever that his call brought up, you'll let her have some space, but you still want to be around her.... It may take a couple days, but she'll come around.

One last thing- don't talk about your relationship like an investment- ROI has no place in romance!...

Answer 5

I wouldn't overreact. From what you are saying, it could be that she still feels sore about the way her ex bf was treating her. Some people find it difficult to deal with their emotions or opening up to others. To be on the safe side, watch out for anything weird in her forthcoming attitude with you. If there would be anything you don't like, just be firm and ask her if she lost her nerve and maybe got used to the terrible treatment she was getting before. It could still be that you may have made a bad decision and if so you don't have to keep living with it (her).

Answer 6

She sounds like she is not entirely over him which is understandable. If you are willing to be patient, she eventually will be but you'll have to ride it out with her and you'll have to be pretty accommodating, at least emotionally. My money says she'll in time finish with him once and for all and then she'll turn back to the good thing she has found with you. This is what is known as "baggage". I have been where she is at.

Answer 7

Unfortunately, you have no way of knowing in advance if time put into a relationship will backfire. You have to have faith. She is probably just caugh off guard by hearing from him. Don't worry about it - if he treated her that badly, she'll be thankful for you. Be extra supportive of her.

Answer 8

imagine....you are sailing on with your life,,happy,content,,in love and then,BOOM, someone who has caused you pain has crawled out of the woodwork,,you may wonder if they are going to try to split you and your new boyfriend up,,he may not go away,,he may call all the time and worse,,even your parents are not safe from him,,it will have been a shock and one which ,by the sounds of,,she doesnt appreciate,,let her talk about him if she wants to and do try to avoid the jealous streak as she may need to feel YOU feel he is no threat to you,,be secure in what you have until you feel it isnt secure anymore,,bear in mind she wasnt with him when you got together so the split was all their own making,,,carry on as normal and if she is a little pre-occupied,,ask what is wrong,,you are right to ask her not to talk to him as he had his shot and failed so it seems only fair he backs off and allows her to seek happiness with another person,go out,,date,,have fun and show her you mean business,,you are stronger than one who fears the ex because you know together,,you and her are happy,,keep talking as this is the only way in which you and her can communicate your feelings and if you know,,you can help,,,if she knows your worries,,she can help with them,,,dont let a call whip the rug from under you.

Answer 9

My ex-fiance calls me all the time. Don't worry about it. She's in a better place now, it probably just brings up bad memories when he calls her. Just be patience with her.

Good Luck!

Answer 10

It's called a relationship. Time can only tell. By the way -- peace is a lie, there is only passion.