What should i do???

Question

I have food allergies (dairy). My boyfriend's friend has invited us to dinner again... They seem to use dairy as a theme for their dinners. Last time we went, the wife got really mad at me because I didn't tell her that I had allergies.
Is it appropriate to tell the host of your allergies?
(I did and she argued with me that I was lactose intolerant, not allergic...i am allergic..not lactose intolerant and I should know, I have been having this my entire life and have lived with it for 38 years..anyways, it does not matter because the bottom line is that I cannot eat it.) Do they think that they can argue me out of a food allergy? Aren't they supposed to have something that I can eat?
I just gave up and ate potato chips and told her that I was not hungry, left and went to the gas station around the corner to get a candy bar and ate it on the way back.

It just makes me wonder,,,what should I do if I am invited to someone else's house for dinner?

Thank you for the well-thought-out responses.
I usually don't have a problem... I have honestly never met anyone like these people before... so I just didn't know what to do this year...hopefully, they are avoiding me and will just invite him.

And, yes, the candy bar was MILK CHOCOLATE...but I was just so upset... I should have chosen better...

Answer 1

Why would you go back to a person's house that argued with you about something you allready know? Skip dinner at that person's house and tell your bf he can go alone or have dinner with you.
Yes, it would be nice if you told people what you were allergic to especially if it a major problem for you. I mean the host is not going to know if you do not tell tell him.
On the other hand your dealing not only with the allergy here but with a bf that would take you back to the same place after you had such a bad experience? its not like they are relations, he needs a reality check himself.

Answer 2

If I were a host I'd want to know about any guest's food allergies before preparing a meal for them, so that I could provide an alternative. Isn't lactose intolerant the same as being allergic? Yea, you don't break out in a rash, but either way you have a negative reaction to eating it!

Oh, and wouldn't that candy bar you ate have MILK chocolate?

Answer 3

Some people are not aware of the differences between intolerance and allergy when it comes to dairy. I work with children and just had to explain that difference to a co-worker of mine the other day. So it might just be ignorance on their part and they do not want to be wrong.
First of all yes you should inform them. Dairy is in many many things and if you can not have it and they are preparing the meals then they should know ahead of time so they can make proper adjustments and keep it comfortable for everyone. To me its only fair. I know before I plan a meal for my entire family I make sure there are not any restrictions that I didnt know about before. It saves confrontations such as the one you had.
I do not know who they are and their personality so maybe they were just argueing for the sake of argueing. But maybe in her view she did all this work and then was feeling unappreciated And maybe it could have been avoided had you just told her beforehand. Then again maybe she is just the type to complain about everything and argue and bring chaos where there doesnt need to be any. You would know better then I would.
They should have something you can eat yes. And that would be the polite thing to do. Maybe you could help though. Bring a dish enough for everyone that you prepared and can eat. Or offer to help plan the meal and get involved. Not only would it be a better way to get to know them but would also ensure that you are able to eat.
Good luck!

Answer 4

Yes, I think you should let your host know if you need special considerations.
I think the woman you described, arguing with you about whether or not you are actually allergic, is just a difficult person.
You did the right thing, you cant argue with people that just refuse to see the truth, as you said "you have had these allergies all of your life, you should know!" I would avoid this person like the plague, simply because she sounds like the kind of person that would argue with you about the color of the sky.
How important is this friend to your boyfriend?
That kind of person ( the woman) just fires me up.
I would say, go to dinner one more time. Now she knows that you have these allergies, lets just see if she takes concern to your situation. I have the feeling that she won't, so grab a snack before you go.

Answer 5

It is so annoying when someone tries to argue about something that you personally know to be a fact. Some people just can't/won't listen. Save your breath. Whenever possible, let your host know about your allergies ahead of time. If they are considerate people, they will try to accommodate you. If once informed, they still make all things you cannot have, either don't go back or bring a "sack lunch". This is a health issue and your health is more important than some person getting offended because you wouldn't try her grandmother's gravy.

Answer 6

Very sorry dear, but what a hell why do they think you can deceive to that extent? go ahead with the dinners and if possible you let that person know of your problem before the day comes for dinner. Responsible persons will act accordingly so dont get worried about it or have something before if you are not sure of what they are to prepare. Dont be ashamed to let the host know about your problem, it is not a cry to be allergic to something.

Answer 7

If they HAVE invited you, then you are old enough to decline the invitation.There are several nice---No thank yous to use.Doesn't your BOYfriend know about your allergies?If he does, he too should decline.Just stay home and eat chocolate, I would.Why would that person want to argue with you, she should have made you a green salad and let it go.Some people.in your other answers you said that you eat chili and caheese hot dogs for $ 1.19 a few times a week---bring that to dinner, if you must go...Good luck.

Answer 8

This may be a little strange.. but if you've had this allergy for 38 years, you're just now having to question what you should do when you're invited to someone else's house?
What have you been doing in the past?

Answer 9

Politely tell the hostess of your food allergies/intolerances and ask if you can bring a covered dish to share with everyone that meets your dietary needs.

Answer 10

I would send them a thank you card that said"Thank you so much for your dinner invitation and I look forward to dining with you.I regretfully decline due to the fact that I have an allergy to dairy products.I would,however,like to invite you and your family to my home on ../../.. so that we all may comfortably dine together.I look forward to our engagement and hope that this has not inconvenienced you in any way.
:)