we're both in the wrong, but whose more wrong?

Question

i have have been suffering from an E.D. {eating disorder} since i was 14. my boyfriends whole family knows about it...wich is fine, but whenever we have a family function everyone keeps asking me why it's taking me so long to eat my food or why i'm not eating at all...i accept the responsability that i need to seek help, but are they wrong for consantly pointing out my food issues? they even do it when a family member brings home a new bf/gf so they end up knowing my personal business as well...HELP ME PLEASE...and also if your just oing to preach about how un-healthy and or dangerous my lifestyle is save your fingers the excercize i already know!!!!!!

we've been together for 5.5 years, and i have been in and out of treatment since i was 15...we have spoken to his family, they say that humiliation is the cure-all and end-all for all addictions.

Answer 1

yes. they are in the wrong. u are doing all that u can to correct ur problem and it doesnt help AT ALL for them to point it out and continually make comments. ask them to stop and if they dont then do not attend these functions or opt to go in the next room to eat or not eat. if they ask why you are doing these things explain that you would rather they didnt comment about ur eating habits and pointing them out only adds stress to an already stressful situation. also, explain to your boyfriend what is going on and have him on ur side so that he can talk to his family and help you out when comments are made. above all, i applaud u for seeking help with ur eating disorder and coming forward to admit this problem. many girls have this issue and it remains a secret for many many yrs. good luck with ur recovery.

Answer 2

You're not in the wrong at all. An eating disorder is a disease that requires medical treatment and is caused by whatever is going on in your body and mind. It's not as if you woke up one morning and said "Hey, I think I'm going to be bullimic/anorexic/whatever, that sounds like a great idea!" Inform them that you know that you have a problem, and that their mealtime comments are not helping, and ask them not to share this personal information with others. Then stay away from family gatherings with him for a while so that they get the picture, that these are not enjoyable for you. When you do go back, and if they say something, pull the mom aside and remind her that it really does hurt your feelings and not help your progress when her family members make comments. Be sincere with her, and she'll pass on your sentiments to the family after the meal, just make sure that she's descreet about it. Also make sure that you seek help, and get your bf in on supporting you too. He can give updates to his mom.

Or you could just start to cry next time it happens with his parents. A big ol crying scene. Or you could just tell his mom that you don't really have an eating disorder, you just don't like his food. j/k, please don't do that. But hey, it was good for a laugh!

Answer 3

It sounds like they are truly trying to help. People are ignorant to what it means to have an eating disorder. People can't understand how you can "despise" or fear or which ever emotion you have tied to your food, how you can feel that toward something they "love" so much. Other people eat too much when they are depressed. We DON'T eat. If you are making your disorder that obvious then maybe it is worse than you realize and they feel somehow responsible to help but don't know how, so they ask stupid questions. We've all done it to someone. Seek help first, the only person you can control is you. Once you start improving so will they, plus you'll get real advice on how to help them better understand. One good trick for me that people freak out, is I haven't known how much I weigh in 8 years.......I am a slave to the numbers, so.....I just quit looking. My doc knows and if their is an issue, she would tell me. She knows all about my disorder. Good luck and cut them some slack, we don't truly understand so how do you expect them to.

Answer 4

You don't say whether or not you've actually sought the help you need, so I suspect you haven't. I think they imagine that they are encouraging you to seek help or get better. They're going about it all wrong, and they shouldn't make comments about it, but I'm sure it comes from concern and not a desire to embarrass you.
Next time they make a comment about the time it takes you to eat, just tell them that you understand if they have other things to do, and that they're free to leave the table.
I wish you the best of luck with your disease. I hope you conquer it.

Answer 5

You are right to say you are both wrong. Explain how you feel to your boyfriend and maybe he can explain the situation to his family. Other than that, maybe you should not get together with them when the activities focus around food....just don't get together with them for dinner (or any other meal) until you have your disorder under control. They want to help, obviously and you know you have a problem so it is up to you what happens next! Good luck!

Answer 6

Hey Girl, Yes they are wrong, I agree with what someone else wrote. you are doing what you can. you realized that there is a problem and you are trying to fix it. your whole family doesn't need to know about it and they shouldn't keep bringing it up every time you have a family get together. its not fair to you. they are not going to help out any by the way they are acting. just remember the first step is realizing there is a problem take it slow and remember there are people hear to help and if you need to talk to me you know where to find me. good luck and I hope that everything is ok.

Answer 7

they are wrong for always throwing the issue in your face, first of all yes you should continue with help but it is a life time battle. I always worry about my weight everyday all day long and I hate it. People who dont understand where we come from or our issues will never understand why we obsesses about our weight. They wont ever get it and they should not be telling your business. Just let your doctor know, my doctor knows my issues and she put me on a wonderful medication to help me not obsess about things and my weight issues and she did not put me on anything that could make me gain weight, actually the medicine i am on is effexor and it makes people lose weight and you dont feel like the need to worry about weight issues. Good luck to you , i know how you feel believe me i do.

Answer 8

I don't think that they are trying to humiliate you by asking you these questions, I think that they love you and that they are only trying to care for you. Tell us a little more about your E.D. Maybe we can answer a bit better. Don't Feel Bad. I bet there's other people in this media that have an E.D. as well.

Answer 9

Proove them wrong and make a move.

If someone new in the family immediately knew, immediately tell them that you are trying your best to fight the disease. It'll give you at least a good positive first imppresion.

Make jokes about it at functions so you wouldnt feel so hurt about it, know that they just want to help and love you very much...

Also tell them that you love what there doing, but there not helping by forcing you to get help and get emmbarassed. Show them ways how they can help by giving support and so on...

Your boyfriend, give positive signs and reports on how well your going to change, he'll feel happy and he'll tell his family...

Its about starting right...then ending it right!

Answer 10

Their intention is to help you, since you aren't seeking help. I couldn't sit by someone I care about and not say anything either. I'd be more worried if they weren't saying anything.

Just as if my Dad started drinking again (it's be 20 years), but if he started drinking again at family functions, I sure as heck would say something. You have an illness. It would be like ignoring the elephant in the room.