Horrid House - Demotivated in Life - Affecting Significant Relationships!!?

Question

was depressed for a few yrs, recovered in '03, affected my ability to tidy/clean house. can't invite visitors home as i'm too ashamed in case they judge me for being lazy and living like i don't care (scared they might pity/judge me) .desperately want to have beautiful home, simple and sparse, but don't have motivation to do anything about it. affecting relationships with friends, family and current bf whom i love all so much. i know about self-help books about self-esteem and motivation books, how to take it at my own pace for de-cluttering. don't need more advice on that. want to throw this to you to see if anyone relate to me on this, and has come out at the other end. the appearance is deterioating as time has gone by, and i'm only doing the barest minimum. only cleaning the surfaces on which i've used. nothing more.
---- serious answers pls ----------------

many thanks for your kind words ppl (tis interesting to see only women who've replied!).as you can see i'm at breaking point and it's the first time i've spoke about this 'publicly'.i have taken this 'baby step' and asked for help,help i've asked before, but not been acted upon by my good friend. we'll start after xmas he says, but i wanna start this w/e!!i have my bf +daughter to consider about. she's never been allowed parties or sleepovers however much i wanted to reciprocate the same she's had from her many friends. she's going thru' the shame too+it's too much for me that i'm having to take drastic action.bf of 4mths who's the most accepting&non-judgmental bf i've known is actually the ultimate person for the job, tho' tis too much for me to ask .feeling 2 much shame&guilt.i wanna do for the betterment of our relat.that way we don't have 2waste money constantly meeting up in public all the time, having dinners/drinks/outings.the house makes me want 2escape,rough area,+small42ofus

the house isn't exactly as bad as you'd have to move things in order to sit down.i only clean/tidy places on which i'm using.ok the bathrm+kitchen r the most over-used areas that need regular cleaning, must admit they're in bad shape! i'm v low income,+currently in debt. always wanted to hire cleaners to blitz the place but were put off if they'd charge me thousands for it..yes, it's a big job!

.have wanted to 3myself of this mess like a way of freeing up the mess in my head.am seeing a therapist which this was discussed, a long side other issues i'm dealing with.was never intending2stay in this hse permanently as i knew i wanted2buy myown place, but missed the chance now hence i made no effort of decorating/adding my personal style.now i wished i had all those wasted yrs ago(10yrs). such regrets i have about this place, and some parts of my life (negative put-downs, i know). thanks to those who's been there. i will take on some of your advice & wisdom.. fresh start in the NY..eh!xx

Answer 1

I've been there, maybe not to your extent, but I know how you feel. You just don't feel like doing anything and then it builds up so badly, that by the time you want to change it, it's too big. You get overwhelmed. Take it a little at a time. Don't say ok today I'm gonna clean the house. Start making lists, each day make a list of things you want to accomplish. Don't go crazy, put small things so that you don't feel overwhelmed. If you write several small things then as you do them check them off and it will help to motivate you. Seeing that you are accomplishing something even if by looking at the house you can't tell right away, really does help. Good Luck!

Answer 2

Boy can I relate to what you are going through!! I almost had to check to see if I had asked the question!! Don't pay any attention to the rude "your sick" answers, We don't give a____about their opinion anyway!! It has been 6 mo.s since I have done anything in my house.Yes, that encludes dishes and the laundry..in Aug. I just tossed out all the dirty dishes which were beginng to smell...and did you say it's laundry day?? Lets go SHOPPING!! So, you see you are really not alone. My husband of 33 years died suddenly in May,..and I went into a nose dive like you wouln't believe! I wasn't even sure if I wanted to go on living.My friend and family HAVE offered to help, but that causes me MORE stress. My son said he cleaned for me while I was at the hospital...All he did is throw stuff out..didn't even look at it first! But ,you know wht? You'll get through this and be a stronger, moe compassionate person when you do. No. It isn't going to be easy; but it is our goal. Don't feel guilty over this..it is your life, and you are living it the only way you can at this time. Know yourself, your strengths..run with these..and hire some one to do the things you don't want to..It's ok.Do this without guilt..give yourself the kindness and understanding that you would give a stranger or friend. Celebrate each baby step you make in the right direction, don't worry when you back slide..this will happen..it too is ok. Don't tell yourself untruths in your own mind.You are a good and beautiful person, I know this because you had the courage..yes. courage...to ask this question. It is a long hard road, but only see ,in your minds eye, the person you wish to become. Envision every detail...do this and you (and I) will meet with success! Try reading or listening to the works of Dr. Wayne Dyer. This wonderful man has done more to help me become the person I know I will be , than any other cure could possibly do. The answers and tools that you need to change are already within you---they always have been You but need to access them my changing the way you think. Also read James Allens' tiny little book called 'As a man thinketh'. You can Do it. I can and will, do it. Email me if you would like; I'm here for you ( and I'll bet, there are 100's no 1,000's more out here pulling for you too!!!!!)

Answer 3

Don't view it as a fault and stop punishing yourself for it. An old lady i knew once said when you die - they will either say you were too clean or not clean enough! I feel like not bothering about it sometimes. Perhaps set aside one room and try and do that. Play some music while you do it. Once one room is done, you may feel like doing the others. Maybe family members and friends are worried because they see it upsets you rather than actually judging you. Get a tin of whitepaint- white can be left and redone if you want to stop and can be easily matched later.

Answer 4

You know what the only thing that will help you is?

Doing it yourself.

You dont have motivation, and thats why youre really depressed. If youre motivated to ask for help, than why arent you motivated to do the work yourself.

Dedicate sometime, clean up everything yourself.


The hardest thing i've ever had to learn is that when youre that depressed, and i have been, the only thing you can do is pick yourself up and start to work.

I would be nothing if i didnt learn to help myself. you cant rely on other peoples advice, you have to just do it.
JUST DO IT.

Stop thinking about anything, and start to clean.

Take your own life into your own hands, dont wait around for other people to do it. Be responsible.

Answer 5

i know what thats like,my mums the same i have lived in a messy house all my life and still nothings changed my mum wont allow me to unclutter the house and i dont have much motivation to decorate .
you should just do it start cleang ,buy some shelves wardrobes etc... and start cleaning or maybe ask for some home help

Answer 6

Been there... kind of there right now!

Your question has just prompted me to look round my living room full of dirty socks and coffee cups. EW... The best thing to do is just pick one or two rooms and get cracking. I'm going for the bathroom and living room RIGHT NOW... Will log back on and re-edit this later!

Answer 7

hmmmm.....properly in case you fairly imagine about it, your female appears to be like protecting back perchance because she does no longer see a lot in you (no offense). those uncomplicated excuses she is making is favourite for a female who has no activity in someone she's with. Its a thanks to sugarcoat her genuine emotions. Now at the same time a woman who has had a very energetic sex life in the previous now and again do exactly no longer sense like having sex rather a lot universal. now and again it occurs. yet I even ought to assert a number of those excuses your female is making are only rediculous! She feels fat at present!?! What does that ought to do with sex??? You enable her do not ignore that you want her for who she is curiously. i do not study about the marraige ingredient, guy. If she is so uptight about your sex courting now, imagine how this is going to likely be once you 2 are MARRIED. you'll under no circumstances listen the right of the justifications!!!!

Answer 8

Thats not a question, you need help

Answer 9

run to the psychiatrist