My fiance and i are getting married in less than a month, and we (along with my family) have paid for everything in the wedding so far, and my fiance's family doesn't want to help at all so he feels like they are abandoning him when he needs them most. He has tried talking to them, but nothing works. I know they make more than enough money a year, and i know that they could atleast help us out some. We aren't expecting a lot, but since he's only 20 and i'm only 18, we don't have high-paying careers yet, and anything helps. We both really don't mind so much about the money because in the end we are still going to be married and together, but i don't know how to help my fiance overcome this hatred that is building for his family. I thought about maybe talking to them myself but i wouldn't know what to say. He's had the hardest life of anyone i've met, and i hate him being like this. is there anything i can do to help? I've tried talking to him which helps, but i don't know what to say...
2006-12-13 20:32:51 · 19 answers · asked by Andii 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
My question isn't about getting money for the wedding, we make enough for it to be memorable and i'm not expecting them to pay or anything, i just want to know how to help my fiance out. His family hasn't helped him since he was 15 or 16, he was abused, and his sibling is an obvious family favorite who gets everything. I want to know how to talk to him, or what i could say that would help, or any other advice. Money is not the object here, it's helping my fiance overcome it, and to not be so mad at his parents anymore.
also, i know it is the brides family's responsibility to pay for the wedding, but the groom's side has a few obligations also. We can't even get them to help with the rehearsal dinner. Even if it was just the dinner they had to pay for, they still don't want to help.
He's also talked to them about the wedding, and they said that liked me, and they approved of the wedding (i brought him out of drugs and alcohol and into church and a believer). No prob there.
2006-12-13 21:18:06 · update #1
The only thing you can do for your fiance is be there for him. Listen to him when he needs to vent, but never and I mean never say bad things about his family. Even if he is going on and on, you don't have the "right" to do so. Trust me, been there before, never goes over good. So just be there for him, listen when he needs you too, tell him that you love him and your family loves him. My husband's family isn't worth much either, but he has my family now and he always says they are the family he never had. I know it hurts to see someone you love hurt, but you can't take his hurt away, that is something that he will have to work out and while he is, all you can do is be there for him. Good Luck and congratulations.
2006-12-14 01:26:23 · answer #1 · answered by GreeneyedCowgirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how far along your wedding plans are but if you haven't yet made anything final, rethink your wedding. make it memorable, but affordable for you and your fiance. You should not begin marriage expecting others to pay your way. it does not matter that his parents have money. they are under no obligation to pay for your wedding. Traditionally, it is the brides family that pays for the wedding anyway. The grooms family is traditionally responsible for only the engagement party and/or the rehearsal dinner. Although this is tradition, neither family should feel obligated to pay for a lavish wedding they can't afford. Sounds like the two of you have some growing up to do.
2006-12-13 20:44:05 · answer #2 · answered by babydoll 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two sounds pretty young to get married. Maybe the real reason for them not supporting you two is cose they hope that with the financial restraints, you two will think twice or even postpone the wedding till more stable?
Since they are not willing to pay for the wedding, there is not much choice for you. Look on the brighter side, you are able to make your own decisions and do things according to your wish. You need not worry that they are unhappy with any arrangements made by you two as they did not chip in to help.
Wedding concerns the two of you and since you two have decided to be together, be the happiest bride and groom on your wedding day!!
2006-12-13 20:43:36 · answer #3 · answered by Miyuki 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he should see a therapist. All YOU can do is love him and be supportive of him, yourself.
Frankly, I don't think he should feel so snubbed about the wedding expenses thing. It is not their job to pay for his wedding. They could have volunteered to help, but they didn't-- so what-- they are not required to. The people responsible for the costs are the bride and groom-- if other people volunteer to help, then that is just icing on the cake. Regardless of your ages and income, you should have planned something you two could afford, and nothing more.
2006-12-14 13:55:02 · answer #4 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There could be a few reasons they refuse to help.
1) traditionally it is the responsibility of the bride's parents to pay for the wedding. so, they may feel that it isn't their responsibility.
2) You don't know their finances. It just might be that they truly can not afford it.
3) They may disapprove of you! This in my opinion is the most likely case. If so, it could cause a real problem in your future marriage. I would definitely check into this.
2006-12-13 20:38:14 · answer #5 · answered by reowrrrr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The groom's parents have some financial responsibilities: Tradition tells us that the groom's family expenses are their wedding attire, travel expenses, rehearsal dinner, lodging, and the couple's gift. As tradition meets with modern times more and more financially able families of the groom are contributing to additional cost of the wedding such as flowers, beverages, or splitting the cost for the reception dinner. That's what I got online. Personally, my in laws did nothing and handed me a list of 100 guests they wanted invited. I handed it back.
2006-12-14 00:47:26 · answer #6 · answered by Debra D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, it's not the brides family that is responsible for paying. It's very generous and nice if they contribute but in all honesty, it's your party and your responsibility. Maybe they aren't helping because they think you are too young..and I agree. If you can't afford the wedding you want, you are not ready to commit to marriage.
2006-12-14 04:45:04 · answer #7 · answered by KathyS 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I you are grown enough to get married, you are grown enough to pay your own bills. Parents don't have any obligation to help pay for a wedding. If they do great, but if not, that is just how it is. Me and my husband had to pay for everything and didn't get much help either. Not helping foot the bill is no reason to be mean or resentful toward someone as important as parents. Is there any chance they just can't afford to help?
2006-12-13 21:16:04 · answer #8 · answered by Smart_ca_latina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if you and him can't pay for your wedding why are you and him getting married now you and him need to wait until yall ready to pay for the whole thing. maybe his parents don't wont him to marry you. but as you know the bride parents should pay for the wedding. but these day you need help from both side of the family good luck anyway
2006-12-13 20:44:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, no one is obligated to pay for your wedding but you and your groom. It is very nice of your parents to help you out, but they don't have to. And his parents don't have to help out at all either.
It's good that you want to combat his growing resentment before it gets too bad, and it's very good that you aren't looking for ways that you can make them pay.
I would suggest making him understand that what he is expecting of them is unreasonable. He really has no right to expect them to pay for anything. If he lowers what he expects of them, then he might not be so dissapointed and resentful that they're missing the mark.
2006-12-14 01:50:03 · answer #10 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋