I don't get it. I'm fairly attractive. I'm physically fit. I'm smart, and I'm not arrogant; moreover that shouldn't even matter because I attend a very elite university in New England and everyone else here is very smart as well. I'm not antisocial -- people on campus do know me.
So for instance, the other day I asked this guy to lunch because I wanted to get to know him better, and he thought I wanted to interview him. Why don't guys pay any attention to me? What am I doing wrong? And why is the only guy I've ever felt (mutual) chemistry with, a guy who was already in a relationship?
Do I come across as asexual?
Am I too academic?
Do I have too many gay friends? I'm a dancer, so that's natural.
Do I not have a personality/am I not conveying my personality strongly enough?
I mean, I AM friends with guys, though I haven't had time to hang out with them consistently because I get a little reclusive when I'm busy with work. But no matter what, they always see me as "just a friend."
2006-12-13 20:22:09 · 31 answers · asked by Charlotte R. 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Thanks for the replies! I really appreciate your honesty. Just to clarify, however -- on further consideration, I can't seem to come up with an appropriate way to convey this question without using personal pronouns. The question is, "How am I the source of my problem?"
Clearly, I can't say "you" and "they" etc. all the time, because I'm not implying that this is yours or everyone else's problem. Also, writing in second person in this context is inappropriate English usage.
By the way, it's improbable (as someone mentioned) but I do happen to be Christian and bent on being a virgin bride. Problematically, most Christian guys tend to also be homophobes and socially prudish.
2006-12-13 22:41:34 · update #1
Most unusual, if all the facts are correct.
Are you possibly over-bearing, too full of yourself?
Did the chap go out to lunch with you? How was it?
While chaps will sometimes avoid a very successful girl when looking for a wife, that is hardly applicable for under graduates that normally enjoy several short term relationships prior to graduation.
The only other thought is the remote chance that you are a Christian determined to be a virgin bride. This would be rather restrictive.
Best thing is to post some pictures so that the gentlemen of YA can confirm that you are attractive and not deluding yourself.
2006-12-13 20:52:50 · answer #1 · answered by Clive 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes. It's called a same-sex crush. You want to be BFF with her and watch movies as you cuddle on the couch with her. It's intimate, but not sexual. You should be dating guys a few years older than you. Women are 3-5 years more mature than men in dating & relationships. I don't like the fact that you keep in contact with your ex. That's a red flag to any mature guy you want to date. You are probably crazy (like most women), but you're OK on this issue.
2016-05-24 00:44:43 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Know the feeling well!! I was very much like you a couple of years ago! I was a singer at a Performing Arts College so Gay friends all round - this has nothing to do with it. My problem was that i lacked self confidence and the way your talking about yourself now maybe you're the same? Put me on a stage and i shine put me in front of a bloke and i shy away or come on too heavy. How do you feel about yourself? If your happy being who you are, other people will see that and want to get to know the real you! Look a little deeper at yourself first! x
2006-12-13 20:50:02 · answer #3 · answered by aimee b 1 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you just haven't met the right person yet. This is unlikely whilst surrounded by gay people , incidentally.
It also sounds to me as if you are intelligent and well organised. Your life is SO well organised, that there is little chance of meeting heterosexual men casually.
You need to use the internet to find a man, I think. And when you do find the right one ( and remember they don't have to be 100% right- even 75% right is good) then your hormones will kick in and make all the decisions for you.
"chemistry" is very powerful, it's not some vague feeling; it'll take over your whole life and you will be unable to make rational decisions. And guess what -it'll be fun.
2006-12-13 20:35:24 · answer #4 · answered by Not Ecky Boy 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
What I can tell immediately is that you seem very organised and intelligent.
The whole structure of this question, and the subsequent clarfication behind it, is very well laid out and conveyed. Maybe you need to let your hair down from the University life and get down with it a bit more.
2006-12-13 20:26:57 · answer #5 · answered by Narky 5 · 9⤊ 0⤋
Hi, hard to say without knowing you, you may be classified as 'someone who doesn't date' simply because that is how its been since day one at uni. Relax a bit more and dont worry, there is someone for all of us out there.
2006-12-13 20:50:50 · answer #6 · answered by Daddybear 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Send your signals by eye to eye contact. Smile when you see a guy you like. Twirl your hair. Speak in a softer tone to a guy you like. There are many ways to make your message clear. Or just flat out say it.
2006-12-13 20:27:25 · answer #7 · answered by da_bigunit 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
From your post you sound really nice, and very clever and if your also a stunner then this can be very intimidating for lads, maybe you the lad feels like he doesent have a chance? i dont know but from how you have described yourself i wouldnt worry, try going out more and having some drinks with lads you may find you let your hair down a bit more and get to know someone.
Anyway dont worry about it ;)
2006-12-13 20:37:06 · answer #8 · answered by smity 2 · 14⤊ 0⤋
1. dress more appealing, if you wanna have a chance with guys you gotta get their attention (most the time)
2. if you look too smart you'll intimidate all the dumb *** guys out there and that's qft
3. gay friends will make your straight guys feel gay
4. just from your post you seem very intelligent
pz, gl tho
2006-12-13 20:26:10 · answer #9 · answered by cdub 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Stop looking for a boyfriend and enjoy yourself. In no time someone will come along. It happened to me. I have a little moto in life. If you want to find something, stop looking. And let the guys ask YOU out to lunch.
2006-12-13 20:38:01 · answer #10 · answered by Amy_Lou 3 · 11⤊ 0⤋