Scenario Question: "Sister's are separated for over 10 yrs..."?

Question

A cruel father and step-mother makes a life-altering decision to seperate two sisters for over 10 yrs, based on the step-mother's theory that the older sister is a bad influence on the younger sister, whom they have custody of. The older sister remained at a relatives, to live out the remainder of her childhood, until she reached the age of 18. She moves on with her life, and continued to try to contact her little sister, to no avail. Then when the sisters are joined, again, after almost 12 years, the time apart devastated their relationship. They are distant and don't know much about each other. The older sister has a family of her own, and the younger sister is struggling with an alcohol problem. Her boyfriend is verbally abusive towards her and tries to keep her from contacting the older sister. Meanwhile, the older sister doesn't feel the bond between them, and struggles, herself, to find common ground between them both. What do they need to do? Neither communicate with the dad.

Answer 1

they should make a great effort to get to know each other. it would be wonderful if they could reach out and somehow come together as family and maybe even help each other out. it was not their doing, nor are they to blame for their confusion and lack of understanding and knowledge of the other sister's life and challenges that the other one may have had to face or overcome to get to where they are today....if one is an alcoholic, it is important for recovery to have a support system in place, and that support system can be so much more solid when it includes family. the older one, with the "life" could benefit from helping her little sister recover from what it sounds like a destructive lifestyle. they should have patience with each other and try not to be judgmental or condescending. they are family and are blessed with that fact, no matter how some others have tried to pry them apart. i wish them the best.

Answer 2

The older sister is getting on with her life, but, at this stage, is not ready to get involved with the younger sister. I would suggest that the younger sister does not push herself on the older. The elder may be worried that the younger wants her to sort out all her problems &/or give her money for her alcohol habit. I would suggest that the younger simply send the older a card at birthday & Christmas times, or forward the occasional, amusing e-mail, or something of that nature: nothing pushy.
The younger sister needs to get professional help ASAP to deal with the abusive boyfriend and the alcohol, (and, doubtless, a raft of other issues). If and when she sorts her life out, I would suggest that she write to the older sister, telling her that she has done so.
Neither sister should expect an instant, sisterly bond. Even sisters who haven't been separated, and who don't have all those problems don't necessarily hit it off.

Answer 3

They do have a common bond. Both being separated by stupid people. They realy should plan a vacation or get away together, They should be there for each other now and make up for lost time. the younger one needs to get away from the boyfriend. So much for the older one being a bad influence. The older one needs to help out the younger one now. Now that she can be.

Answer 4

Older sister owes younger sister nothing. Younger sister needs to get her stuff together, get straightened out and then talk to older sister. Maybe in time they can have a friendship--and build from that.

Answer 5

there should be a common blood relative (an aunt, uncle) to mediate. if the older sister really want to be reconnected with her sister, she should exhaust all means to make it happen. it will be difficult, but once everything is ironed out, she'll feel more complete as a person.

Answer 6

wrestle it out