should i stay or should i go?

Question

I don't know what to do. My best friend has bordeline and is suicidal. I love her deeply. i would lay down my life for her. i have been trying to support her for over a year now but i'm beginning to burn out, if i haven't already. i'm mentally exhausted, possibly suffering from anxiety and depression( though i don't have an official diagnosis for that, I'm too scared to get it) but i just feel sadness all the time and cry so often for her. i'm constantly afraid that she will be cutting or worse attempting suicide from way too many past experiences supporting her through that. Lately she has started blaming me for everything, which i know is a paty of the illness but still it's really hard to deal with. She recently attempted suicide twice and both times has blamed me. it is ripping me apart to deal with this. part of me just wants to say stuff it i've had enough i can't deal with it anymore and if i stay i'll burn out so i need to walk away from her. but then i love her deeply, i fee

i feel guilty for leaving and i don't really care about myself as much as her, so i'd rather lose it all for her. i feel that i can't leave her because she is a friend and she needs support and love right now. What do you suggest do i stay or go? I know i'm burning out but i care about her more.

Answer 1

Time to move on...but you can do it responsibly.
1. Borderline Personalities don't get better. They are always the same so this 'drama' will continue forever. They use people around them and don't much care. It is sad but true.
2. Before getting away from her, tell her family, or her psychiatrist that you have to pull away because you are exhausted. That way she'll have support when you go. If she has no one, then call social services to get her some help.
3. You need to seek help for yourself. You sound depressed, and no wonder with what you have been dealing with. Don't be afriad of a 'diagnosis' that is just a label. Get the help , learn to value yourself and get better.

So move away and let the professionals deal with her.
Good luck.

Answer 2

I am Bi-Polar, so I know a few things about mental illness. She is blaming you at this point because she wants to push you away. See it's easier to kill yourself, if you feel like no one cares or even loves you. I know I have been there. You need to understand, that as a friend there is only so much you can do. She really needs to be locked away for a while, for her own safety and possibly your's. The thing is, she really has to want to be helped before it work's. You and anyone one else in the world can want it all you want, but if she isnt wiling. Then really, isnt much that can be done. All you can do at this point is tell her, Hey your my best friend. I loe you and would do anything in the world for you, but I cant go on like this anymore. Let her know..she has to seek help. It's not healthy for you to be so stressed all the time. I wish you the best and really hope your friend can make it through this.

Answer 3

You need to talk to a police officer, if you truly believe that she is dangering herself or others...they might make her go in and get some proffessional help...which is just what she needs...get this on record, and let them know that you have put up with so much and she needs more right now than you can give, and you are really worried about her trying to kill herself...they will probably advise you to call them the next time she trys to do something so terrible and then blame you. She is probably suffering from clinincal depression, which can be treated...people when they are ill, do blame the ones they love...but you don't want that on your concience, especially when it isn't true..please get her some help now, it is time for some intervention...be it the police, or Divine...God Bless through Jesus xx

Answer 4

I've had a similar experience like this.I thought I had to be there no matter what.When she started blaming me for stuff, I told her I could hang around her less if she wants then she blamed me some more.Okay so I was starting to feel real bad but still I wouldn't leave although I felt like it but still I thought that I will make a difference in her.How arrogant of me.Actually her family expected me to make a miracle, which is a dumb idea.
Anyway what happened is that she got violent with me overtime and I was about same size a little bit stronger but not much.
So when one night coming home from a party she attacked me with the intention of punishing me for my ways I was in real trouble.
She was 15 I was 19 and if anything happens to her I go to prison.I wanted to calm her but it was impossible and if I let her she can really hit hard.Experience.So after a few minutes of struggle(mainly trying to hold her down)I realised that there is no glorious way out so I ran away, cause prison or hospital are not nice places.I broke my relationship with her after that.She kept calling for years, but I still don't want to bear any legal consequences.It took me 5 years to recover from this, cause I was a real little fanatic and seeing that I've failed something and failed someone was devastating.She is still alive and well never really meant to do suicide but is just using people.
I don't know about your friend maybe she is different but make her understand that she must treat you with respect.Don't feel bad to leave her at times cause you being her punchbag will not make her any happier, and it just wears you out.
She needs to get back to reality so don't treat her like she was dieing or something.One of the reasons I couldn't do this is because the family and surrounding would keep telling me that she will kill herself and it will be my fault.If your case is the same then LEAVE NOW!!!You can't win on that one.If not there might be hope.

PS:what tempest88 says about Borderline is interesting.I never even heard of it, but then I'm not a shrink and neither are you colonel so...

Answer 5

Call the ambulance to come and pick up your suicidal friend. She needs help from a doctor. There is no way that you could possibly handle all the help that she needs. It's not your responsibility to be everything to her (even if it were possible), but I think it's fabulous that you care about her and want to help her. And also get some help yourself.

Answer 6

You are enabling her to not seek help.

If you love this friend you need to give her space to see that if you want her to get help or change.

If she drags you down with her you certainly will not be much help will you? Who will save you both at that point?

Answer 7

Sometimes one must go. You are past that point. Go on with your own life, sever all ties and never look back. Live for yourself and your happiness.

Answer 8

I think you should go. I understand that she has problems, but you can't let her drag you down with her. It sounds like she's trying to push you away anyway.

Answer 9

AWWWW THAT'S SO CUTE. WELL PART OF IT THAT SHE IS BLAMING ON YOU IS BECAUSE OF THE ILLNESS BUT JUST KEEP TRYING IF YOU CARE FOR HER. IF YOU KNOW THE REASON WHY SHE IS DOING IT THEN TRY TALKING TO HER BUT DONT FORGET TO SAY THAT SHE STILL HAS YOU OK?

Answer 10

sometimes you reach a point that you realize you just cannot help someone and you have to walk away,it appears you have reached that point...Unless a person is willing to help themselves you can,t help them.Before you lose it yourself its best you walk away,even though its hard to do......