Daycare raising children???

Question

This subject is very near to my heart b/c I'm a daycare worker and I can't for the life of me figure out why parents shove their responsibilities off like this.

I am NOT speaking to parents who legitimately have to work I am speaking of those who don't have to or that do (like teacher of all people!!) who leave their kids at day care from 6 am -6 pm EVEN ON HOLIDAYS. Some parents have even admitted that they just feed their kids dinner and put them to bed when they get home which means they spend all of 3 or 4 hours with each other a DAY!! I don't know what they are thinking b/c as much as I love their kids I'm not going to raise them in a few hours.

How do you feel on the subject of daycare raising children? Is this lack of parenting running society?

More below...

Next week when the kids get off for winter break we are only closed on the 24th and there will be about 30 kids in the facility on both the 2 weeks of their break!!! The most important thing you can give a child is your time. So spend it with them NOW b/c in 20 or 30 years you won’t be looking back and wishing how much more time you could have worked, or shopped but how much more time you could have spent with your children when they were young.

Let me mention that this daycare is in the suburbs so most of the people are pretty well off. Believe me I am fully aware there are hard working people out there who don’t have any other option but daycare…My mother put us in daycare when we were in school but we certainly didn’t live there like the kids I see now.

Answer 1

I also work in child care and see this often. We have some kids that stay from 6-6 when their parents work 8-4. We even have a few that go to other day cares throughout the week and ours on weekends because we are open 24/7. It's really sad, if you're going to have them you need to take care of them. It's different if the parents are working but I know for a fact some if not most of them aren't.

Answer 2

Daycare raises 2-5 year olds and the parent who is single can either have a close friend or relative stay with the child until they are at least 2 years old. Someone who has the same values you use will raise her or him until old enough to be in a preschool setting. There is no shame in putting a child in Daycare so long as they have bonded and grown to one person without a lot of children around until they reach that age. I am a daycare provider and believe you me that if you place a child in a good and loving daycare after bonding they will continue with a secure outlook and growing throughout their educational and growing years.

Answer 3

That's truly sad what you are experiencing.

I am currently preparing my home to sell. There's a lot of work that needs to be done just to get to be able to paint. I am doing that all while not working a professional job. My kids are in day care when I do this.

On top of the prep to sell the home, I got sick with a respiratory infection. Turns out that I heal faster when I am able to rest. So my kids are in day care while I try to get better.

Hopefully my reasoning is enough to give some idea why parents use daycare even if they seem like they shouldn't. And my kids are not going to be in daycare for much longer... but they do wear me out at times and it's nice to have some help. But day care should not raise a child, that's such a viscious cycle! Because the more kids are ignored the more they act up to gt attention.

Answer 4

I have a friend that puts two kids in daycare three days a week from 10:00a.m. until 6:00pm. What I don't understand is her husband is a supervisor and she runs her own salon. Wouldn't you change your hours around (both parents) to avoid as little daycare as possible so you can raise your kids? When I talk to her, too, on the phone her kids are constantly screaming or climbing on each other due to her lack of parenting skills. It's hard to talk to her. Her husband, too, is in a band twice a month, plus needs time to pratice his gigs. I don't understand how they can just get a babysitter all the time, because of the band, plus the daycare. To me, they only see/raise their kids when it's convienient for them and still live as if they are recently married or single. It's really really sad. But, they have the money to do practically anything they want.

Answer 5

As a mom to be who plans to use daily daycare, I feel that I should give my reasons. My husband and I do both work, and could we live off his salary alone? Probably... but, we do have some valid reasons for keeping both jobs.

1. I would lose my mind if I couldn't have at least SOME adult conversation, even if I only worked part time that would be fine.

2. Insurance. my husband is a diabetic and his insurance doesn't cover the stuff he needs, so that would be an additional $300 or more per month that would be going out (and that's in a good month).

3. Socialization for the child- I have a friend who was brought up by a stay at home mom (nothing wrong with that, I'm getting to the problem) and then was completely home-schooled. When he went to college (where I met him), he was so uncomfortable about meeting other people and making friends, that it nearly ruined his life. To this day he's never been on a date with a girl (he's 27) because he never learned the social skills because he never had to deal with other kids.

4. College-- This is the big one for us. My husband and I understand how expensive college is, and if I wasn't working we wouldn't be able to have college funds for our kids. By my working, I'll be better able to pay for college for my kids, so money won't be a barrier (and they won't start out their adult lives $100,000 or more in debt before even buying a house). Education is the most important thing for us.

Some people may not agree with some of those reasons, but that's where our decision came from.

I don't plan on letting Daycare raise my son (I'm a teacher and have summers off and won't be using daycare AT ALL in the summer), but it will allow us to prepare for his future better.

Answer 6

I was once upon a day a daycare teacher too... and I understand what you mean. Some parents went to a lot of trouble and expense to have their children, only to park them in pre-school 50 or more hours a week (and then would cry when a child would call one of us "mommy")

However, I think this is not necessarily a reflection of us as individuals - but how our entire society has become. We don't, as a country, much LIKE kids. They are not welcome most places - not in restaurants, not in churches, not in stores... and I think that because kids are not a PART of our society, people are entirely unprepared when they have some of their own.

Furthermore, our families have become totally and completely fractured. It wasn't long ago in the United States where FAMILIES raised kids (rather than just moms). Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends all had a part in bringing up baby. No mother really had to go it alone in the sort of lonely isolation model that modern mothers now face.

So, I don't think it is so much the parenting ruining our society - I think it is our society that is ruining our families.

Answer 7

I am a stay-at-home-mom. I agree with you. I understand why a person would need to use daycare but to put their kids in daycare 24/7 or admit to only using it as a cop-out.

I truly believe daycare is a lifestyle choice for most married couples. While it's hard living on just one job--it is most defiantly do-able. Sure, my husband and I may only have one vehicle. Sure, my husband and I don't always have money to buy ourselves whatever we want or whatever our kids want. We aren't living paycheck to paycheck but at the same time we know how to budget. We can get what we need. We live in a nice home and in a nice area. It’s not that hard.

A woman (who lives in a ritzy area) once told me that being a stay-at-home-mom is not possible anymore. That's a lie. With proper financial planning, budgeting, and lifestyle it can be done. This means settling in a great neighborhood with good public schools but not having those extra three bedrooms or extra two cars. It means mowing your own lawn. It means cleaning your own home.

I plan on sending my son to a pre-school at age three. It's not a typical preschool it's called a Montessori school. This isn’t for “getting him out of the house” but for socialization and learning. Kids typically go for half days two or three days a week. In no way would I just send my child off to be raised by other people. Again though, I understand many parents have no other choice.

It’s a touchy subject. I’m tired of people saying they have no other choice when they do have a spouse who works but they aren’t willing to sacrifice their own time to their own children. Ultimately, the children will suffer. The children who are put into daycare everyday will grow up with no stability. The only people they will know is others.

I feel strongly about this. In no way am I putting down parents who have to work but as a budgeter I know it can happen--I’ve made it work. Good question!

I also thought I’d add--it’s a matter of convenience. Which is more convenient staying with kids all day or spending a little money, working part-time, and getting your nail done? Everything is disposable. Even kids. You can dump them off at a daycare let them do the hard parts, pick them up at the end of the day and get a good night kiss. These parents feel their children’s love when they want to--not all day. They don’t give love when their kids need it. They are just there to say and kid themselves that they were “good” parents by putting their children in a top day care.

On a last note. Thank you! I am so appreciative of people like you who take time out of their lives to make another person’s (child’s) day better. I know it’s tough raising kids--especially when they aren’t even your own but trust me the kids appreciate it!

Answer 8

I totally agree with you. Parents that just simply do not have any valid reason to have their child in daycare do it anyway for the sake of doing it. Though it could possibly be they just do not want their child to get out of routine and then fight to get them back in it, the Holidays should NEVER be used for this. Because I have a date or a party to go to is not a valid reason to put children in daycare, nor is just because I would like to have my days free, or nights, with those who use night child care services. Parents do need to spend more time with their children, as the saying goes, they are only young once.

As for needing to complete repairs around the house, or painting, then YES, having the child in a daycare facility not only allows you to get the work done faster it also keeps the children out of harms way while you are working. I totally support that.

Answer 9

personally.. it makes me angry. If the non-working parents arent doing some other legitimate activity...like volunteer work, or they have appointments they need to go to that the kids cant come along.. they should be caring for their own children. I have a friend who drops her 4 year old daughter off at the daycare every morning at 7:30am... goes to Starbucks to get her latte... then does whatever she wants all day long (she doesnt work.. doesnt do volunteer work.. doesnt do anything but shop, really... she even has a maid) and then she picks her daughter up at 4. She does spend 4pm-9pm with her daughter.. but every time I have gone over there.. the little girl is plunked in front of the TV with a bowl of some kind of snack in front of her.. in the playroom.. totally alone. It seems to me.. the only quality time they spend together is in the car. Its really sad.. I dont understand it personally. The hardest time of my life was going back to work. Luckily, I found a wonderful small daycare that truly truly cares for every child they have under their watch.. and during the year I was at work (until I got preg again) My son blossomed and loved to go to daycare. Now that I am home with him.. I cant imagine a single day without him by my side! I would feel guilty leaving him at the daycare unless I had something very important to do that he couldnt come along with me... I dunno, I dont get it!

Answer 10

My wife runs a daycare and sees these same trends. Most of her parents are single mothers on welfare so it is great to see them out working and trying. There are a couple that try to take advantage of the hours we are open. My wife gives all she can to the children and the daycare has helped her bond with our children better. I can not understand why this the norm now days but you are right in saying that the parenting should at home.