Do you think it is worth it to wait (sex)?

Question

I'm 19 and I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months. I think I'm ready, and he is too. We love and respect each other greatly. I talked to my mom about birth control, and she is not so happy about this. When I told her I had been looking online for information, she suggested I get some opinions from people who wait until marriage; however most of these people where crazy religious, and I am not. On the one hand I want to a lot, but on the other hand, it seems nobler to wait, AND, it seems a little lame to do it at a parent's house. What's everyone's opinion?

Answer 1

Some people wait, and they are comfortable with that decision. Ultimately, it is a very personal choice. If you believe you are ready, and you trust your partner, then you are probably ready. The only person you have to justify your choices with are yourself.

While people will try to scare you with worst case scenarios - pregnancy and STDs - the fact is you can take precautions against both. Buy condoms and USE THEM! Pick an appropriate birth control method and USE IT! It's not an absolute guarantee, but the chances are reduced to what is considered controllable compared to no birth control at all. (For the people telling you to abstain on religious grounds, they are relying on a text that shows that virginity is no guarantee either. Go figure.)

The rest is up to you. Pick a venue where you feel safe and comfortable, and where you can allow time to be together. Move as fast or as slow as you are comfortable with (though I would recommend slow), and, if at anytime you feel uncomfortable, then call it off. Sex doesn't have to include intercourse, though if it does it is best to be prepared.

Play nice. Play safe. Have fun.

Answer 2

It really is worth waiting for, and I wish I had, and I was. But when I was 17 almost 18, that is when I got pressured into doing it with my then boyfriend. We broke up a few months later, but I wish I had waited. Because now I am married, I have 3 beautiful children, and I LOVE my husband, and it feels a lot different when you are in love, it is more pleasurable. I wish that he had been my first, but it was too late for that, not that I had a lot of partners, because I was 17 closer to 18 when I met my husband. And like it was mentioned what if you get pregnant, and he is not ready? Birth control is not 100%!! I got pregnant the 1st time I had sex with my husband, and I was only 17!! I was lucky that we stayed together, though it was rocky at 1st cause we were both young (me 17 and he was 22), and we were not ready or able to manage a child! But with the help of my family, I made it through and I have an 8 year old that I adore! She is a great daughter! I also have a son that is 2 and a new daughter that is 9 months old! It is awesome to be a mom, but when you are ready! I hope that this helped you! Good luck!

Answer 3

I think it's amazing that you're 19, and still haven't 'given in' yet!! Do you know how many women your age have started having sex by the time they were 14?? Do you know how many girls your age already have 1 - 3 kids by the time they've reached 19??
It's great to hear a story about someone like you, who has that personal value to hold off on the sex, until you're ready, until the BOTH of you are ready. I think you don't have to be 'religious' to hold off on the sex part. There's plenty of time for that.
Getting to know your partner is the best part. Spending time with him is the best part, because you get to know every aspect of your relationship, and build on that.You're doing the right thing by waiting. And by now, you will know when the time is right, considering you've taken that step to use protection, every step of the way!! You're a smart young cookie, and I would have to say that it's best to do it in a place you feel more comfortable in, too. Whether or not your parents feel comfortable, you're at an age where you've achieved a lot more than most girls your age!!
You've managed to abstain from sex for this long, already, and that shows a great deal of strength, on your part, and your partner's part! But whatever you feel most comfortable with. Don't feel 'obligated' or 'forced' into it, though. Only when the time is right!

Answer 4

If you have waited 9 months, you can probably wait longer.

I am not very religous at all, but I wish I would have waited longer than I did., I loved a lady, thought she was the one, she was much more experienced than i was (could not have been less), and the act happened. Not only was it disappointing overall for both of us, but having not known each other that long, we did not have a very established relationship, and what we did have changed... we seperated.

On a practical side.... If married, and you get pregnant, he will have less thoughts of running off. and you have more "ammo" to go after him if he does. Plus him being willing to wait shows a commitment to you far beyond what most people give now a days. You are also honoring your parents wishes. which might not overall mean much to them (will love you eithe way), it should make you feel a little better.

Answer 5

I am so impressed that you are taking your time and talking with loved ones about this very important event. That says to me that you'll make the right decision for YOU. You do say that you "think" you're ready, which could mean that you have some reservations, so it seems like the most important thing for you right now is to spend some time "with yourself" to figure out how you feel about all this. I mean, will waiting a little longer make your bf leave? If so, then it wouldn't seem that the love and respect--which is KEY for a healthy and positive sexual experience--is as strong as a first time warrants. Good luck!

Answer 6

from personal experience...WAIT! i know that you think he is the One, and it is possible he could be. BUT you won't know for sure until you walk down that aisle with him. and if it turns out he is not, then you have ruined the amazing experience of the first time with your true love. once you give it away, you can't get it back. and if the relationship goes sour, it is pretty much expected that you have sex with every guy you date afterwards. also, losing your virginity comes with what my group of friends calls FFS (First F*ck Syndrome) in which you feel closer to your significant other than you really are and you feel obligated to make the relationship work even in the most extreme circumstances (abuse, cheating, etc.). Not that I think your boyfriend will do these things or that I think your relationship will fail. I'm just saying you don't know until you are married. I wish I would have waited. Biggest regret of my life.

In addition to the moral standpoint, there are also tons of phsyical risks involved, which I'm sure you are aware of (stds, pregnancy, etc). If you do decide to go ahead and do it, be safe. But keep in mind there are plenty of other ways to have fun without losing your virginity, if you know what I mean ;). I'm glad you are taking time to think this through as thouroughly as you are. This shows a lot of intelligence and maturity on your part. I hope you make the decision that is best for you. Good luck!

Answer 7

You are 19, so legally you can do what you want. BUT there is more to it than that. I lost my virginity when I was sixteen, and I wanted to a lot...I loved him and respected him a lot also. But I still wish I'd waited...maybe not until marriage but at least until I was a little older. I would suggest waiting a little longer...maybe until your one year anniversary or something. He wont want to, of course, but you're the female so you have the upper hand in the relationship. Wait until YOU feel ready....and when that time comes, pleasepleaseplease use protection!

Answer 8

Give it some more time.You & your boyfriend made it this long without a sexual relationship.Thats a good thing ;O) It shows that you are good sensible young adults.You have plenty of time for that stuff further down the road when you are more grown to be responcible if there may come about a child.Be sure that this is the man for you before getting that involved.At least wait until you are both a bit older.

Answer 9

I'm 20 years old and I'm a virgin. I've heard everything under the sun about how disgusting I am to wait and all of that, but when I actually asked peoples opinions they were actually impressed that even out of all the peer pressure I managed to keep my virginity. You should really ask yourself this.

Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?

Yeah, it sounds like a really stupid question, but be honest with yourself. Don't just say "yes" because you want to have the experience. Be completely honest if you want to live with him the rest of your life, if you don't then don't bother having sex. Especially if he's giving hints that if by some weird mishap you manage to get pregnant that he'll drop you in seconds, you definitely shouldn't. I've seen guys say that they'd always be around even if she got pregnant and when she did he left, so always be sure before you go around just to have sex.

By the way :) I'm glad you had the guts to ask. Some people wouldn't, and regret it.

Answer 10

I think it depends on how comfortable you are with the whole thing. But since you have already been waiting for 9 months, why not wait more?

Sex complicates things.