Should I have asked him this question?

Question

My bf has a job in which he gets off work at various times depending on how quick he gets his job done. I called him on his cell phone which is not a problem for him as he has no supervisor. I told him what I was doing and what my plan was for the day and then I asked him what time he would be home (we live together). Just for my information so I could be sure to be there when he got home as we work opposite shifts and I try to make the most of the limited time we have together. Well, he got so angry. Told me to quit checking up on him. Started talking very angry and said he had not idea what time he was getting off. Well, by 2:30 he should have known if it was going to be aprox. an hour or 2. Why do you think he got so mad? Was I wrong for asking such an innocent question? Geez, like I make dinner for the guy and I dont think it was so bad for me to ask this. He is REALLY angry at me. What do you think?

Answer 1

Was it that innocent a question? Really?

I think you probably aren't telling us the whole story here. Like maybe this is something you do almost every day.

You sound way too clingy to me. And your boyfriend thinks so too. You're pushing him away with your neediness. And you had better stop it now, or you just may find yourself living alone in the not too distant future.

Answer 2

For a man this is more so a pressing and demanding question. If you check out Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars, then you’ll see that perhaps this has less to do with the question rather than the time of which you initiate the “interrogation.” Whether he saw it as innocent or intentional/accusing does not mean his actions were or were not justified. The author states a condition for males in which could be the reason for his irritability towards your questioning him upon his arrival home or while at work. Generally a man, and sometimes a woman, just needs to “shut down” after he arrives from work. Give him space needing and try not to be so direct during these periods of time. Gently probe with comments rather than what he may see as demands. Then again, you have some right to ask seeing as the two of you seem intimate and are living together. Based on his work schedule being so hectic it could just be that he’s irritated with the constant reminder that he lacks the ability to finish his work on time and see to your personal needs. Could it be that you truly sound as if it is not a question but an acquisition? When a man or a woman is exhausted or is just too overwhelmed by occurrences earlier in the day or week or month they can become “selective” and “block” out the true meaning behind what you say and infer their own even without their intending to do so. This could become a no win situation if you are not careful. Try giving him a little breathing room. If you are suspicious and it reoccurs, then maybe you should rethink your situation. Otherwise, just work it out when both parties have ample time to discuss calmly and rationally what could be the real source of his aggression or irritability. It may not even be you at all.

Answer 3

There are lots of possibilities, but I can thing of a few obvious answers.

One, it's you. You call him too much, do too much for him, and are always home when he just wants his personal time and space. Do you call him 10 times a day? Three times? Or only once a week? Are you being passive aggressive? If you didn't call him, would he call you?

Two, it's him. He sounds unreasonably defencive. A common symptom of a person who is trying to hide something. You can't accuse a person on one behaviour, though.

Three, you're in the early stages of an abusive relationship. First comes excess romance, then isolation from friends and family, and then unreasonable anger, and then violence. If there is an overall pattern, consider quietly, safely, and permanently getting out of the relationship.

Four, he was having a bad day. It wasn't you, it wasn't him. It was his boss, the clients, his co-workers, the other commuters.

Five, he's not as angry as you think. Or not for what you think. Or you asked the question in a really accusing way. Or you want him to be angry, because you think it shows he cares.

Only you can figure out what's going on. But don't jump to conclusions. Don't blame the wrong person, you or him.

Do your friends and family like and approve of your bf?

Answer 4

He got angry probably because hes up to something... its a defense mechanism. He feels guilt and so he will express that in anger towards you for questioning him. I'm not saying hes cheating. It could be as simple as he was interested in another girl. But yes, as a couple living together, you two should be able to communicate. If you need to know where he is so you can make dinner, he really shouldn't throw a fit. I would start by explaining to him that you weren't checking up on him but just trying to make sure his dinner was ready on time. If he doesn't want you to do that, you can just set a plate for him in the oven, and if he doesn't want it, he can have it as left overs the next night. That'll teach him first to be snippy. And about the defensiveness... you won't know the truth behind it that easily... time tells all though. Good luck. His anger was not deserved. I think something's up, and its not anything you do, but within himself.

Answer 5

I think he sounds like someone I would not want to live with. I can see how if you call him all the time and ask him stuff that he considers to be nagging that that may irritate him, but the situation you've described sounds very reasonable.

Answer 6

In my opinion you have every right to ask the question. Why would it anger him? Unless you are repeatedly accusing him of cheating or something.

Answer 7

I DONT SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH WHAT YOU ASK HIM
IT NOT LIKE YOU ARE ALLWAY QUESTION HIM. BUT TO
GET ANGRY AT YOU. THERE SOMETHING ELSE THAT
GOING ON. SO MAY BE YOU NEED TO FIND OUT WHAT THE
REAL DEAL IS. SOMETHING IS UP.

Answer 8

dont worry just cook a delicious dinner and u will see the result.

Answer 9

That wasn't a bad thing to ask... It might have been bugging him, or he might have had something to do at work. Talk to him about it...

Answer 10

He's nsecure and having an affair.Seek professional counselling.