Looking for ALL opinions - should I let her skip a grade?

Question

Her teacher says maybe. A psychologist said "if she wants to". My friends have said it is a bad idea.

My daughter is brilliant, bored in school [with the school work, not the interesting stuff like field trips and drama]. She has been doing 2+ levels ahead in math for the last few years. She also has been reading novels like Harry Potter, and Lemoney Snicket since she was in grade 1. She has near perfect marks [can't play a recorder without squeaking ha ha ha]. She gets along well with older kids [mostly], but isn't a true geek - she is also wicked great at sports [hockey, soccer, baseball and competitive swimming] and has other outside interests.

Should she skip from grade 4 this year to grade 6 next year? Looking for ideas, personal experience and opinions please! Pros and cons.... Other ideas for her if you are against it!!

PS We live in a smaller town. No gifted schools, no gifted programs... no bright kids club. Nothing at all.... I COULD quit my job and move to a big city, but we like it here :P

PPS - No private schools here, and I WISH I could home school.... I keep buying my lottery tickets!

Answer 1

I once was in the same predicament. My 2 daughters (now 5 & 6) went to a day care center that was also a private school. Since they were 3 they've been in a school setting, with homework, math problems, spelling tests...the whole nine. When my oldest was ready for Kindergarten, we couldn't decide what to do with her. She was reading on a 2nd grade level, adding on a first, blah, blah, blah. her younger sister was doing just as well...if not better! She was doing ALL the stuff categorized as "gifted and talented".

The center urged us to have our oldest skip Kindergarten and go straight to first grade. We MULLED over what to do FOREVER!!!!!! We spoke with a LOT of families, friends, and parents. We even did research on the Internet. It came down to gut instinct and a very thoughtful discussion I had with a Child Psychologist I was working for at the time. He didn't recommend anything, but simply said:

Explain skipping a grade to your child. That other kids will be older and seem different at times. Once your child can repeat this information to you in a way you know he/she understands, you're done. Wait a day or 2, then go back and talk to your child again about skipping a grade. If the conversation goes well and the information is still understood by your child, then ask them what they want to do....skip or stay with the class you're currently with. From his/her reaction to this question, take the conversation from there (insecure, probably not skip: excited, continue the conversation).

He also told us some other things to think about:

1. Is is best to the the smartest among same aged kids? Or less smart than advanced kids? I mean, would your child's self esteem be higher if he/she were the best in the class (same grade) or damaged if he/she were less smart [and mature] (up a grade with older kids).

2. Children's learning spikes at different ages. There's a bell curve, but some kids spike at 6 and others at 10. If you move a kid up who spiked early, then in later grades, they'll be comparatively less "smart" as their learning curve plateaus. Also, possibly causing them to feel bad "I used to be smart, but not anymore". When this could be further from the truth.

3. Finally, you always have the ability to move your kid up (and down) a grade. But, what is the consequence to their self image & esteem, if they are one of the early peakers and then level off. Its WAY worse to be held back than moved forward. And even if they've previously moved up, moving down (to the original grade) is still just as bad and embarassing.

I can't tell you what to do, because I don't know you, your child, or his/her school. Maybe extra curricular things--strategic thinking games appropriate for or above your child's age group--might help curb her appetite for knowledge.

Good luck!!!

Answer 2

My oldest was "late" starting school because of the way her birthday fell. We fought that year, and explained that she had been in preschools and was already far more advanced than the other kids going inot kindergarten and it made no difference they made her wait another year to start. All through kindergarten we had issues because she knew what the others were learning, in first grade she was bored and didn't pay attention because she again already knew the work. When she started 2nd grade the teachers all decided that it was time for her to skip a grade and move on up. Well we went for it and she was miserable. She had to leave the friends she had known since starting school because third grade is in a different building in our town. She was also stressed and started having trouble with her stomach all the time because she thought to much was being put on her. She was smart, was doing the work and making the grade but she wasn't happy. Halfway through the school year we finally said enough and moved her back a grade to where she was and she was still bored and ahead of the other kids BUT she was happy. You are the only one that really knows your child and you need to look at all the picture is she still going to be able to see her friends, is it going to put more stress on her to be the best and most of all what does she want. As they get older the work gets harder and when they start high school it won't really matter because she can take more challenging courses and remain in the grade she is meant to be in. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

I would let her skip. She sounds like a very well adjusted kid who won't have any problems transitioning from grade school to middle school. If it was more than one grade I would have some doubts, but because it IS only one grade, she's been going to school with a lot of her classmates for years, and I don't think it will have that big of a social impact. Most important is, how does SHE feel about it? If she likes the idea, great, go for it. If not, talk it over and see what she doesn't like about it. Maybe after that she'll change her opinion. All in all, I'd say that if she likes the idea, go for it. I don't tthink that it would be a detriment to her at this pont.

Answer 4

She sounds kind of like I was. When I was tested in second grade, they ran out of reading comprehension questions to ask me ... went all the way through college-level, even.

You COULD let her skip, but if she's honestly that advanced, it won't do any good. A better option is convincing the school to let her work at her own pace with whatever they're doing (like they're learning multiplication ... go ahead, and when she gets it, teach her two-digit multiplication, etc). But even that's not perfect. By the time I got to high school I was done.

SO I went to a high school for gifted kids. It was a boarding school. You would be AMAZED how many gifted children are also good at sports. Being truly gifted is an all-around thing. We had the best soccer team in the state. Lots of us were on college swim teams (it was on a college campus), baseball teams ... everything. We had lots of opportunities because of the agreement between the college and the high school.

I actually LEARNED there. Our teachers were full college professors and used the same syllabus for our courses as they did for teaching their college graduate classes. It was the best place I've been in my entire life.

If you could find a place like that, that would be great. I'd keep her in the same grade for now either way, since she won't really be learning anything more. Fourth grade is NOT much different from sixth grade, except for the social development of the kids. She'll just feel like she's lagging behind socially. Those other kids will be thinking about DATING next year and she might not even have thought of boys like that yet. It's just difficult.

If you can't find a high school for gifted kids like the one I went to, then she could choose to do correspondence courses in high school to get the credits she needs to graduate. Honestly, accelerating elementary school did NOTHING for me except make me want bigger boobs and my period (lol ... that's all eighth grade was like for me!). But accelerating high school and college changed my WORLD.

As long as you can do something to engage her (learning beyond the class, finding a special tutor, buying her a set of encyclopedias ...) I'd wait. It would have been better for me if I'd waited.

Answer 5

Yes! Keep her interested in school for as long as possible, and if that means she needs to skip a year ahead so be it. As long as she is enjoying learning and wants to learn more that is all that matters. I was a year younger than my fellow classmates and I was ranked at an even higher level than the one I was put in. The only difference I have ever seen is that I can be a little more immature than my peers are at times, but I also enjoy being the youngest of the group. If you bump her up she may enjoy being the younger, smarter girl out of her class! I did =) So, I say skip ahead one year! That way the age difference wont be so awkward and she will assimilate better, and still maintain an interest in school. She can always take AP classes in high school or get an early start on college later on in life.

Answer 6

I agree with the psychologist. Let her decide and help her weigh the options. I skipped a grade - 2nd to 4th - and it was announced to me instead of considering.

Since I was somewhat immature, it was difficult being the youngest in a class of kids older than me, even though it was only a year older. Socially is where it was most difficult. Academically, I was fine but when you hit your teen years, social becomes very important. Since she is good at sports and has friends that are older, that may not be an issue for her however.

My two cents - just to throw another curve in here, is to enroll her, if possible and if financially feasible in a private school where she will have access to more challenging classes. And finally, another option would be to homeschool, in which case you can have her accelerate as fast as possible for her and when she goes off to college at age 13, it won't be that big a deal.

BTW, my brother attended college at 14 and he was fine. He skipped 3 grades.

Answer 7

The whole point of sending your children to school is to educate them.
I see no reason she shouldn't skip to the 6th grade if she isn't being challenged enough at her current level.
However, there is the possibility that even the 6th grade cirriculum will bore her.

My parents sent me to pre-school for an extra year because I wasn't growing or learning as fast as the other kids. All through school I felt like the oddball because everyone else was younger than me by a year or two and I was more mature than them. At the time my parents decided to hold me back I was too young to step up and say "Hey, later on I may not agree with what you did..."
Fortunately in your case, you can ask your daughter what she would prefer to do and she can provide you with an honest answer.
So talk to her, this is her future, she should make the decision for herself based on what she thinks she'll like best.
Good luck!

Answer 8

It's a double-edged sword.

If she moves up, she'll find more challenges in her schoolwork and probably won't get bored.

However, a year is like a generation at that age. Her socialization will definitely be impacted.

I skipped two years in elementary school. I did fine with my work, but in high school, being 14 among a classful of 16-year-olds was somewhat traumatic.

See if there are classes for gifted children, or other outside activities that will keep her brilliant mind stimulated.

Answer 9

I hope that my view will be a little more refreshing then everyone on here so far. I am an honor roll student, taking AP classes since last year(im a senior too), and you know what? Sometimes I just need a day off.I have had 26 combined throught my high school career(5 just this year so far lol) and I turned out fine. It's our last year before we have to really get serious about school(at least for me because I am planning on going to a good law school afterwards) and taking a few days off here and there will not hurt you as long as you know that you can handle it. Actually, I am taking a day off tomorrow so that I can make my thanksgiving weekend 5 days :)

Answer 10

Maybe she should just skip up one grade instead of two. Two grades is a big deal. I skipped one grade but i skipped a grade in 1st grade and I've been with older kids ever since. She will have problems when she gets in highschool and she can't do the same things her friends can do, that was a big deal for me and my mother. Especially if she's two years behind, she's gonna wanna drive and stay out late like her older friends. And then she will be a 16 year old in college, which will cause problems for the two of you. She's gonna wanna stay out all night on prom night. Things like that. She won't be bored in school anymore, but she will have alot of social catching up to do. And it will probably be more of a challenge for you as a parent then it will be for her. Skipping a grade is cool when your younger but it gets tougher the older you get.