I was yelled at by my ex at child exchange for taking him out of his car seat?

Question

When I pick him up, I have to wait for her. When I drop him off, again I am waiting for her. She is consistently late for both. I have a problem making him wait in his car seat because his Mom can't be on time. I let him up front with me, and he plays with the radio, power windows, steering wheel, blinkers, ect. Then when her late butt finally arrives, he objects being placed back in a car seat. I was scolded because I should make him just sit there. Wouldn't it be easier if she would just show up on time? Or am I being irresponsible? My boy is 2 and 1/2 yrs.

Answer 1

Please do keep an accurate log of everything! She can use the fact you let him up front in your car against you in court. (if she is that type of person) Maybe you can change your meeting place to a playground or a McDonald's or something where he can play while waiting instead of being cramped up in a car. Also, if you want to be totally in the "right" here, you can take him out of his seat, bring toys and play with him in the back seat instead of in the front. She can't complain about that. (Front seats of cars are very dangerous for children, even with supervision) To respond to the response saying SHE should send along toys with him, while the child is in the father's care, it is absolutely the father's responsibility to do that sort of thing.

After all I have written, please...keep a log of absolutely everything. I assume you have already spoken to her about her tardiness. Keep a log of all phone calls, what was said, etc. If she is that irresposible and cannot see for herself what she is putting her child through, making him wait, than she honestly doesn't sound all that with it. No one who truly puts their children first in all ways would do that to their child, no matter what age. She has to prioritize him first, not whatever it was she was doing to make her late. I know it sounds like a petty thing, but you can read a lot into someone's actions. I am sure there is more ways she prioritizes herself before her child if what he has said is true. People show patterns and I would bet that she is like this in more ways than one.

Answer 2

If you continually showed up late I am sure she would report it, or worse. I would keep a running time on how much late she is and then show up at that time, but to answer your question, NO you are not being irresponsible, and her being a Mother she should know how hard it is a for a child so young to sit still and wait. If this is a place that is regulated by employee's (child exchange) then I would get there on time, let someone know you are there wait a reasonable time, like 10 minutes, (because these times are scheduled her clock my be set with a work clock and ten minutes behind), then if she does not show by then, tell them she has missed her pick up time and leave, go back home. they will call (or she will) when she is there and complaining about you not being there only to find you WERE there and she is late and then make her wait until you get there with your child. I guarantee she will not be late again, if she is just keep doing the same thing over and over until she gets it right. She thinks she is punishing you by being late, but the state will not see it like that.

Answer 3

Next time you should show up 10 or 20 minutes late so that you wont have to wait for her. If she throws a fit, just tell her to start getting there on time, and you will too. Also, don't let her yell at you in front of your son. It is hard enough for him to not have his mom and dad under the same roof, he doesn't need to see her screaming at you. It isn't a good thing for him to see his daddy being put down, and also its teaching him to yell at other people when he doesn't get his way. Tell her that if she has a problem with how you do things, she needs to TALK to you like a rational adult.

Answer 4

Well doesn't he have to get out of your car in order to get into her car---meaning he has to get out of the car seat anyway?

Mom's are like that. I understand your frustration with her being late. I'd be upset too! I suggest you explain (rationally) to her that you cannot contain him to his car seat waiting for her all the time.

Then suggest if she has issues with him getting upset you'd be more then happy to settle him down before she takes him off. I know it's not your responsibility but you have to give a little to get a little if you know what I mean. If she sees you are trying to get along (hopefully) she'll try also.

To calm him--prepare him. While he's playing with him talk to him about going back in his car seat and being a good boy for his mom. Make the car seat fun. Play games on the way to your meeting place about all the things you see out of the window. Ask him if the straps hurt him. Fix them if need be. You need to make the car seat a nice place for him to be and adjust him to it. Not only will it be easier for you but her also.

You are not being irresponsible. She is being controlling! I do, however, feel placing blame shouldn't be the priority--I'm not saying you are doing it but it's not the point. I'm a firm believer of divorced or ex-couples getting along for the kids sake. Just try not to let her get to you. Trust me, my husbands father stopped caring and now my husband respects him a lot and prefers his father over his mother.

I know it's hard but try your best. Good Luck!

Answer 5

Your are not being irresponsible! SHE IS! Tell her she needs to get herself there on time, and maybe you would leave him in the car seat. No child wants to be sitting and waiting in a car seat for a long period of time with the car idle. Heck, she wouldn't want to sit in a car doing absolutely nothing, so how does she expect her son to. She needs to get over herself and deal with him if she is late because it is her fault.

Answer 6

well if she can't be on time then she will have to deal with it. She can't expect a 2 year old boy to want to sit around in a car seat while she takes her time coming to pick him up. As long as the car IS NOT moving I don't see a problem. Maybe she should show up on time andyou wouldn't have to do that.

Answer 7

No 2 1/2 year old can sit for very long. Your ex is wrong to expect this and it is totally inappropriate for her to be late meeting you. You are being very responsible and loving. There is more to this than meets the eye. I'd say time for a serious discussion on your views of how your child is being raised. Your his Daddy you very much have a say in his life.

Answer 8

It sounds like she should be more responsible and start getting there on time. She should know that a child that age hates to sit in a car for very long. My daughter is 21 months and she HATES sitting in her car seat if we are parked somewhere.

Answer 9

She shouldnt expect a 2 year odl boy to wait that long. I know my son wuld want to be up front and Iddamn well let him. There is nothing wrong with keeping him company and entertained. She should try to be on time. As long as your car is not moving I dont see a problem.

Answer 10

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