A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, 'when I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.'
So next Sunday he took the monsignors advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after Mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his a-s-s.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the s-h-i-t out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his a-s-s.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T"
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub = thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
2006-12-13 16:50:47 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
hie hie
you put a smile on my face for the first time today !
2006-12-13 17:52:20 · answer #1 · answered by Rika 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I got this mail in my inbox yrs ago....but till date everytime i open my account, i make it a point to read tht mail and have a good laugh...... I read this joke as if i were reading it for the first time and its always hilarious. The best i like are 7, 9, 12.
2006-12-13 18:07:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I bear in mind while my mom introduced a Xeroxed replica of this abode from the courtroom the place she labored. She additionally labored interior the church place of work area-time. She laughed so demanding, I had to end examining it for her. That grew to become right into a protracted time in the past, and that i thank you for the reminiscence.
2016-10-14 22:08:46 · answer #3 · answered by porix 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Brilliant.
2006-12-14 12:39:05 · answer #4 · answered by glasgow girl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You forgot one -- When admonishing congregants about their sins - remember, it's "St. Peter will point his finger at you" not "St. Finger will point his peter at you!"
2006-12-13 19:03:04 · answer #5 · answered by amuse4you 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OH MAN XD I always love hearing that one! LOL
2006-12-13 18:49:59 · answer #6 · answered by High On Life 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ROTFL you are a comedic genius dude!
2006-12-13 16:56:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A gold medal for this one. lol.
2006-12-16 20:08:29 · answer #8 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think I know that priest.
That's too funny!!!
2006-12-13 17:15:22 · answer #9 · answered by Ruthie1959 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ahhh..never heard this joke before..hehe
2006-12-13 17:11:35 · answer #10 · answered by Vampiredoll 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋