Hey once again I'm going through some rough times right now and I need someone to "sort them out" and I was hoping you can be that someone. I might have brought this topic up before but now its really getting bad. The first time I e-mailed it it was about my "significant other" and how well she writes. After being in school for another 4 months I have also learned that she is the captain of the girls basketball team, has received straight A's, got a 209 on the PSAT, and has such a deep understanding of Islamic Fiqh and Seerah. What I'm getting at is that I feel inferior in every aspect of my life when in comparison to her. I also found out that her aspiration is to be a doctor. In Islam, the man is the one who should earn a profit for the family. If, and that is one big if, I do somehow in God's mercy that I marry her, she would essentially have a higher payroll than I. So in every aspect, whether deen or dunya, she has the "upper hand". What I'm asking is,"Is she really out of my reach?" I'm serious and I would expect a serious answer (honesty included). I might be going through a mild depression, but I highly doubt it. Most of the advise I ask you is based upon the moment. So as I always say, "The SUNNAH the better." I hope that you answer to this question ASAP.
2006-12-13 16:22:37 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I'm not Muslim and I'm not a sister, but I have to ask you, if you love this woman, does it matter that she'll probably make more money than you when she graduates? Or that she's such an excellent student, so well versed in Islamic theology and is also a student athelete?
She sounds like a prizewinner, somebody that any man would be proud to have in his life - and your looking for excuses to dump her? That doesn't make sense - it's actually pretty self destructive and that's not healthy in any religion.
2006-12-13 16:26:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, this is a late response. You shouldn't compare yourself to her like this; you are equally capable of achieving such high aspirations. You want to be a doctor--go right a head! A lawyer, a teacher, a real estate agent--suit yourself. You wanna play football, lacrosse w/e, have fun. Don't let her reign over your life and make you feel inferior. You can do anything you set your mind to. Besides, grades, sports and PSAT scores don't determine how good of a person YOU are. The best trait in a person is their deen (faith) and a genuine desire to better it. About the profit thing, if you have a job and can support her--your deed is done. You don't have to make more money than her; just enough to (if, God forbid she didn't have a job at all) support her; or if she has a child you'll have to be there for her. Look, if you're really considering marrying her, I think it's important that you push these thoughts out of your head. She might prey off your "inferiority" until she actually dominates your life. You need to be kind and gentle but also firm. You should be the one wearing the pants in this relationship. Don't ever feel worse off; do what you got to do to make yourself happy and successful. Good luck and God bless. Salam.
2006-12-17 06:38:33 · answer #2 · answered by justmyinput 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's sad when someone can only seek advice from those of the same faith. Wisdom can come from even the most ignorant of people, which is what you may consider someone who doesn't share the same faith as you. The Infamous Vinnie G has offered some good advice, and he's not a "muslim sister" either.
Perhaps it's time you also considered wisdom from outside sources. Why not let the female earn the income for the family too? After all -- it is HER family too. Has your faith prevented you or obstructed you from "sorting things out?" My point is this -- "once again, it's getting bad, and "I feel inferior, and I might be going through a mild depression" are all signs of what you interpret as a crisis--really this is just an opportunity.
2006-12-13 16:55:14 · answer #3 · answered by WMD 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not Muslim either and I hope it does not offend you that I answer this question. I think if you two are well matched it won't matter who makes what. The money should not be important, what is important is that you fit together, in love and in faith. The rest falls by the wayside. I am sure you have much respect for your faith, as do I, however some traditions and expectations can be altered just a little to make room for today's world. I wish you all the best.
2006-12-13 16:30:41 · answer #4 · answered by NamGem 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Allah says a man can have no more than what he strives for. And whats for you, you will get. Put your faith and trust in your Lord. Your problem seems to lie not in what you feel religiously, but in your self esteem and self worth. Sometimes we can admire and want someone so badly we feel undeserving or less than the person we love because we have put them n such a high pedestal we can"t even reach it. She's just a girl---hello! She has feelings like you, makes mistakes like you, and judging from this question, she is probably really confused about how you feel about her! You are bugging even worrying about marriage--graduate high school first!
2006-12-13 16:41:03 · answer #5 · answered by Meems 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Brother if you are muslim you should know about the islam . In islam man and woman have equal rights it should not relate with duniya (world) not from the earning of a man and woman. It do not makes a diff. what she earns and what you earns. If she and you are honest for each other you need not worry. Islam do not teaches us differences as you know at the time of Namaz king and begger stands in equal in row even begger can stand before king . So you should not think like this. So Go ahead and marry her otherwise any other person will marry her .
2006-12-13 16:40:08 · answer #6 · answered by Manoj G 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
unless its an arranged marriage or she personally doesn't want you, then you can get her, forget about who makes money or gender, it's all about if you get along with her and vice versa and if you both REALLY love each other...
the feelings of inferiority in school though is another thing, it shouldn't be a problem but at the same time as long as you aren't making poor grades or doing drugs, then you should be fine
2006-12-13 16:34:11 · answer #7 · answered by Pops 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
dear u just suffer from an inferiority complex
get over it fast
in life it doesnt matter who earns more or who is better off
what matters is how much r u compatible
u too should have knowledge about deen i mean more of it
u can learn a thing or two from her too
2006-12-13 16:27:36 · answer #8 · answered by shaikh 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A'uthu billahi min ashaytan irrajim Bism Illahi Irrahmani Irrahim 'God desires ease for you, and desires no longer concern' (2:185); 'extremely with concern comes ease' (ninety 4: 6); 'God will usually employ, after situation; easiness' (sixty 5:7); 'Whoso fears God, God will employ for him, of His command, easiness' (sixty 5:4); 'we will communicate to him, of our command, easiness' (18:88); 'God desires to lighten issues for you, for the fellow has been created susceptible' (ninety 4:28). What we are and are not meant to do is clearly defined in the Quran. we are no longer required to keep on with each thing the prophet did as some human beings opt to assert, it really is a few thing that you ought to do in case you opt to. Who would not opt to emulate the prophet (saws)? yet to declare that those are criteria is a sparkling competition of the above ayahs. distinct the sunnahs turns into habit (for example I continuously drink at the same time as sitting down because i'm so used to doing that now), yet there is not any clarification why you actually want to keep on with each of the sunnahs and no human being can declare that no longer following sunnahs make you non-Muslim. maximum persons of sunnahs are observations of what the prophet did, no longer what he requested each human being to do. yet i have self belief like the concern can be a completely different one right here. i imagine the muse of the concern isn't that it really is in truth demanding (which i understand it really is) yet a feeling of weariness that arises from a want to "polish up" and refresh your iman if no longer to frame of mind it from a completely different perspective, it is comprehensible once you're at a "low" on your life. attempt to reintroduce *spirituality*- no longer only religiousness into each thing you do, to renounce them from starting to be boring repetitive chores. My suggestion is to study the Quran and do what feels precise on your heart once you've fairly study and tried to appreciate it (no longer the way we study a piece of writing or the way we now and again study it for the 'thawab', and so on. fairly contemplate on each of the verses). None human beings can or has the authority to inform you what constitutes being Muslim, although the outlines are sparkling in the Quran.
2016-10-18 06:38:21 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋