Ever since I started college 2 ½ years ago,my family treats me differently.?

Question

They have said some mean things about it and this had hurt me a lot.They know how important it was for me to go back to school(I waited 7 yrs).I am happy that I am at school and I am doing well,but I am also regretting it because they have turned their backs on me for it.I made it here on my own and I thought they would be proud of me for reaching one of my life goals,but they aren’t.Now that Christmas is coming,I am torn between going back and having them problems like last year or staying away from them and celebrate the holiday without them.It is also my b-day.My parents are not getting any younger and I don’t want to have something to happen and regret not spending as much time with them as I should.Last I saw them was in June due to school,yet they never have made an effort to contact me.I have written them,but I never get a reply.Every time I go there,I usually end up crying because of the horrible way they treated me.I will be moving cross-country to go to grad school after this

The question that I'm asking is what should I do about this. Should I just completely ignore them, or visit and put up with their mean comments. There are no clashes with religion and my major. There is no way that I could tell them how to act or be. There is no way that I could put my foot down about this because it would only make the situation worse. What I can't figure out is why when they should be proud, they have turned their backs on me. When I first told them I was accepted, they seemed ok with it, but it turned into I was doing a bad thing and "wasting my time" as my mother put it. They never went to college, but they grew up in a completely different time period where you didn't have to go to college to get a good paying job. I just can't understand how they can go from going to colege was ok with them to it being so bad that they have to be mean about it.

Answer 1

My heart goes out to you!!! Sounds like your parents are a lot like mine were. I was never encouraged in school and then when I graduated from high school, I was a big disappointment that I wasn't going to college or university. I was always compared to my big sister, who was an achiever and good at everything she ever did. I was never good enough.
For your sanity, don't go home for Christmas. Spend it with friends who care about you. Don't try to please your parents, because you know what? They'll never be satisfied. They are the way they are, they will never change. You need to learn to not let it get to you. It's hard, I know, but you can do it.
I am very proud of you that you followed your dream of going back to school. Good for you!! Hooray!!

One thing that may be helpful is getting some counselling.

Happy, Happy Birthday, Merry Merry Christmas and Happy, happy, New Year!!!!

Answer 2

Wow, this is a bad situation. Although there isn't a clear question here so I can't give you much of an answer for what you are looking for because I am not sure what your question is, even though you are explaining what's happening.

But I am sorry, no matter what the situation, a family should always be happy for you and be proud that you have decided to go to school. Have you thought about why they particularly don't support you for what you are doing?

For example, have your parents been underachievers, and maybe they are jealous of you for making it in life way ahead of where they have ever been? Or maybe they don't believe in the particular type of career you are studying for, for religious reasons or for their own personal reasons? That's not to say that your study major is necessarily wrong, it's just that parents can be that way sometimes whether they have a right to be that way or not.

I think the best thing to do in your situation, might be to face it head on and put your foot down. Tell your family "hey, I am working my butt off to make a better life for myself. If you don't respect that, that is your own problem, not mine. But I still expect you to be respectful of me and not treat me the way that you are. Otherwise I can't deal with this the way you are acting." Something along that line might be in order.

Believe me, I have had to put my foot down with family as well, on other occasions. I told my mother that if she didn't stop undermining me with my kids, that I was NOT going to go back to visit anymore because it was making the visits unpleasant when the kids wouldn't listen to me! It worked and she stopped acting the way she was, maybe it would work for you too! But you are right though, I have always thought that if a person stopped talking to their family, they would truly regret it later on in life. It's best to try to work things out if there is a possibility of that at all. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

We both know there is no one good answer to your dilemma..

If you go, you know their resentment of you bettering yourself will be everpresent, and you will cry and feel bad.. so ask yourself if there is any way you can accept their small mindedness and let them be the way they are, and still go..

One day , if you go and feel badly once again, you will regret "giving" them your love and time. They are afraid, and they
cannot accept that you want something better.. Accept that, but do not let them hurt you anymore...

Could you go for just two days, and tell them that's as long as you can stay? Make up an excuse.. Then if things go extremelly well, you could stay longer, but if not, you can touch base, do the family thing that takes you off the hook emotionally, and leave.

Face it, this is a hard time of the year because we want people to be different than they are..

You deserve joy. Go find someone that you have joy with, who loves you the way you are.

Answer 4

So after studying your umm..question? i must claim i did not particularly get what you've been asking..It replaced right into somewhat lengthy and appeared extra like a rant to me.. anyhow, i imagine it truly is infantile that you're preserving score and calling his 5-7 y/o's grasping..How does he sense about this?! they're youthful ones they continually analyze..also grandparents continually attempt to out do the dad and mom,the entire harm element. Does the grandma have a relationship with the mummy? nicely at the same time as they're one they boost out of clothing/toys plenty speedier then the older youthful ones,no longer preserving its honest even with the undeniable fact that it truly is the reality.. question your dad and mom do they do extra on your baby then his? perhaps the different grandma is purely attempting to verify they get as a lot..only a idea no longer to be rude yet when the tables were grew to change into would you truly sense an same way? purely nutrients for idea good luck with the challenge what ever which will be i do not particularly see the project..

Answer 5

You have made every effort to stay in contact...yet they don't respond. My advice would be to not go back...celebrate your birthday and the holidays with friends or any way you please. They should be very proud of you, but since they're not...be proud of yourself, and don't let ANYONE crush your dreams. I went thru the same thing...not all families are like the ones from the old TV shows. Godspeed in your goals...stay focused. You cannot force someone to share your dream...but you can certainly make sure they don't crush you

Answer 6

Remember you want no regrets if something should happen to them. I would call them and ask if anything is going on for Christmas because you are undecided what to do about Christmas this year. Depending on her reply, how she replies should answer your question. I think I would also add if you do decide to come, you do not want anything to happen to cause you or anyone else to come to tears. Christmas is not happy on those types
of visits. You are being polite and stating what needs to be said.

Answer 7

u have done something that most ppl cant.
well done girl
I'm taken my hat off.
and if goin home for the holiday will make u cry, then don't. ur parents don't deserve a hard working and honest person like u.
all the best

Answer 8

They just don't have any expectations in life and don't have any goals. I'm so sorry to hear this. You are a good person. Don't let them affect your future.

Answer 9

Wow your life sounds like mine. Don't bother going back to visit. You enjoy yourself where you are. It's their loss.

Answer 10

don't go to your parents, have a sane non-chaotic Christmas this year.