im on psyhc meds, ive been depressed, im bipolar... now my boyfriend seems distant... i wonder if he loves me less now...
2006-12-13 15:53:24 · 13 answers · asked by stacycobine 2 in Health ➔ Diseases & Conditions ➔ Other - Diseases
hey darlin,
i have been depressed on and off for a good few years now and i've come to believe the two main things in helping you to feel better are acceptance of yourself and acceptance of the world you live in. i know they are such cliches but i cant think of a better way to say it. every choice and decision you ever made, be it right or wrong for the situation were the right ones for you. i'm not gonna tell you your wonderful or perfect the way you are cause stuf like that dont help but let go of all the things you see wrong with yourself. i've come to be grateful for the really hard times in my life because without them i would be an ignorant boring 9-5er, married to the first person who asked me not cause i loved them but because i was afraid to grow old and be alone, with a morgage on a house that i bought not cause i loved it but cause it was the best we could afford. you dont have to think that i just wanted to share it with you.
try to relax, not just sitting down with a book or the telly and not these complicated relaxation routines, just lie either in bed or on the floor, make sure your warm enuf and simply close your eyes and take deep breaths. in thru your nose and out thru your mouth, i know again thats a total cliche but try it, dont try to empty yor mind or anything just let whatever you think about come, if its sad dont push it away cause thats how you give it strength over you, if it makes you cry let the tears come, i know crying doesnt always make you feel better but holding it in will make you feel worse. as you breath out your muscles will relax and sag a tiny bit. it feels like the weight on your shoulders is being lifted off. and with each breath your muscles will relax a little more, if your uncomfortable shift a little, you dont have to be still. you can do it for 2 minutes or 2 hours it dont matter, what matters is you put effort into caring for yourself because you are worth caring for and you respond to yourself caring by feeling a little bit more worthwhile.
most impotantly you will always have the memories of the hard, sad times of your life and you will always be the person you are now. you can grow but you wont change so if you hope to you will be dissapointed and feel like you've let yourself down, so try to look for the positives in you rather than the negatives, again another cliche but give it a go. i have taken to thinking about the time i spend, my emotions, my thoughts etc in terms of tanks, like water tanks or any container. the more time you spend thinking about yourself, your life, and this world negativley, the more full the negative tank gets, the more time you spend thinking those same things positivley the more full the positive tank gets. you and me both have a huge ammount of time and emotion in our negative tanks so even if we spend all our time thinking positivley for months and months (which is impossible) its gonna be a long time before the + tank is more full than the - one, so dont look for to much to soon. ready for another cliche? its gonna take time. but every little bit of + you can put in the tank is worth it because it accumulates.
try drawing or painting, clay work, knitting, sewing, anything where you are creating something with your hands. now with reguards to drawing etc. for some reason that childish drawing style where we draw what ever we want and make it look however we want is destroyed as we grow up and we come to expect our drawings to look like a photograph of the subject, throw that idea out the window. and when you pick up a pencil and paper dont look at the blank paper, not for 1 second, look around you. draw ANYTHING you see. this is not artwork to put in a gallery or to sell, its for your own stimulation. draw the bookshelf, draw your cup of tea, draw the table, just draw and dont be critical of the drawing, this is not about the finished product its about you enjoying the actual time you spend drawing. get some clay or make some playdough, (email me for a simple recipe if you want to) and just enjoy squishing it between your fingers, make ANYTHING then squash it up and make something else, again this is not about the finished product but you enjoying yourself. dont have any expectations that the sculpture or drawing will look fantastic cause it takes much practise and effort to learn and refine your skills, just do it for the pleasure of working with your hands. do some of these with your boyfriend, dont go over old painful memories, make some new enjoyable ones.
i really believe if your man wanted to leave he would have by now, and i would advise you to believe that too, cause worring wont make anything fun for either of you(thats rite another cliche). accept that he's there cause he wants to be, and try to spend time with him enjoying yourselves doing stuf like i've sugested above, not just going for a walk or watching a film together. at this time of year you can make paper streamers, where you get newspaper or coloured paper, cut strips and make a cirlce with one, staple or glue it then loop the next strip thru and fasten to make a chain, continue as long as you like and put them up round the house. when either of you walk past them you'll be reminded of the time you spent making them, together.
i think your starting to get the point that there is no fix it. and for one final cliche its all about the little things. you can tell him that you think he might leave and he can reassure you but you will only feel better about it if you LET yourself belive him. then instead of spending time thinking about all the reasons you see that he might leave, and filling more up in your - tank, spend time with him making the chains, painting each others bodies with chocolate or face paints etc, filling up you + tank.
please feel free to email me any time, and dont hope for too much too soon babes.
anni
2006-12-20 23:40:11 · answer #1 · answered by purplesneakers 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Firstly do not feel alone as there are people who know exactly how you feel and personally I have been in exactly the same position as you.
One of the common side effects to bipolar is a feeling of paranoia. The medication that is given does take some time to work, mostly 4 weeks. It also takes some time to become used to the medication. Some other effects can benot wanting to be clingy and feeling quite disorientated from people and places. This will settle down and you must remember to take your medication regularily and at the times or as close to the times you will have been given.
Another idea is to give yourself short term goals, things that are easy to get to but it all adds up and you have a sense of achievment. Your health is the most important thing.
From the point of your boyfriend sometimes it can be a shock to people and the best way to help them understand is let them have access to information.
I will post a link to MIND which are a useful organisation which I have used to gather the information to the answer as above. In general the more you know about the illness the better prepared you are for dealing with it.
2006-12-20 16:05:32 · answer #2 · answered by jay dee 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The main problem is that you have become used to being "institutionalised" This can happen after a stay in hospital as little as a couple of days. Humans can become institutionalised very easily,you cant seem to get back to doing things in your own time, you miss the structure of the hospital, it will pass quickly I know it will. Added to your other problems your are feeling very vulnerable at the moment, don't despair just hang in there, let things take their course and if your boyfriend has gone off you, he wasn't worth keeping anyway. There is someone out there for you, maybe you haven't met him yet.
2006-12-14 11:14:08 · answer #3 · answered by sladelover 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hospitals are like that. Even your closest friends and family have to get on with their lives while you're in there and it can be so lonely knowing that they can (and have to) just walk out and get on with life while you're stuck in a bed that's not your own. YOu've just taken a little of that home with you, soon and later you'll be back on your feet and back into your own life, until then I'd like to say just explain it to your boyfriend, he's male and may not understand but that doesn't mean he loves you any less.
2006-12-13 16:52:56 · answer #4 · answered by Skippy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Chill out! Have a cup of coffee and a biscuit and put the radio on! I don't know what to suggest really. You are still feeling emotionally exhausted. You just need more time and keep in close contact with your care team or GP. For a while anyway!
Good luck x
2006-12-13 16:08:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your boyfriend about spending time together . Make a date at home; movie night or something. Please spend time with me is too vague. Please don't ask him if he still loves you , give him a chance to come around.
I have a problem when people are not feeling well or hurting. I don't know how to help them, I feel helpless to help them and in-turn my awkwardness turns to avoidance. It is terrible I know. If you reach out and make a suggestion for spending time together you might be able to break the ice. He may feel relieved. And yes I know he should be helping you and not the other way around. I am not saying his behavior is right it just is...
2006-12-13 18:55:51 · answer #6 · answered by CAE 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Welcome home friend! We all are your friends, you are not lonely,let this feeling fade by doing little things like caring your hair, it must be wanting care while you were in hospital, your face, nails and eyes. Apply some nice make up, choose afaviourite dress, go for a little shopping, phone your family members and be a friend of yourself. If you would be smiling confident and independent world itself would be benevolent. Be optimistic!! Have a nice day!!!!
2006-12-13 16:09:53 · answer #7 · answered by glover 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Listen chick, If he ever loved you worth a damn, you would mean more to him now than ever. He better get his azz over to your place and hold you. That's sure as the hell the first thing I would do if my chick had been in the hospital, I'd be carrying a dozen roses too.
You keep your chin up now, things always get better...
-Max
2006-12-13 16:05:35 · answer #8 · answered by Max_Gio 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
its normal to feel lonely, and not trust people around you....especially if your under medication but you have to think positive...look at all the good things that surround you...like family and friends... so no your not lonely ... you just feel like that.... but try join a club, or activities.. to fill up your time with positive thinking... good luck... and don't' worry.. you are not alone... :-) crystal
2006-12-13 16:13:47 · answer #9 · answered by Crystal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot of people feel lonely this time of year , just getting over an illness . Have you talked to your boyfriend? maybe he doesn't know how to help, please know that this too shall pass this is a promise of our savior Jesus Christ. I will keep you in my prayers and I hope you feel better soon, Can you call your insurance company most of them, these days have nurses on call you can talk to.
2006-12-13 16:02:02 · answer #10 · answered by sunshine 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋
babe he still will love you its just hard 4 men to see there loved 1s hurting new tablets can actually make you feel worse at 1st
2006-12-13 16:27:59 · answer #11 · answered by munchie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋