We have been married for two and a half yrs and he's a good guy. He just doesn't seem to want to be involved in my boys' lives (he's step-dad). They are 9 and 10 and see their real father 2X monthly but real father is not involved outside of that. He comes to their school plays etc. unwillingly and complains when asked to do simple things like watch the meteor shower with us. But, as seems to be with most men, is overly involved with the "discipline." They rarely if ever receive praise only complaints. He seems to have gotten progessively worse. I love my husband dearly and don't know what to do. I'm not considering leaving or anything like that, I would just like advice.
2006-12-13 15:01:30 · 11 answers · asked by Lynda M ♥ 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
As I mentioned earlier, I am not leaving him. He has taken great care of us and there are some days that he is excellent with the boys. My boys are far from neglected. My husband loves them and they have never doubted that. It is difficult to like other peoples children. That's why most of us are NOT teachers :) I just wanted advice on how to get him to be more involved. I don't appreciate being attacked. I've not been nominatded for mother of the year by any means but I love my children and have gone to the ends of the world to protect them.
2006-12-13 23:53:55 · update #1
I would sit him down - non-confrontationally - and discuss it. Choose a time when you are not in the midst of an arguement and perferably not during something he is into (like football or something). Exlpain that the kids are his step kids and he is just as much a part of the family as they are and you expect and want him to participate. It may have to do with how he was raise (ie: less affection, more dicipline).
I would talk about all the areas you are concerned about - lack of interest, only discipline, etc...
I am a step mom to a 13 yr old and DH stuggles when she visits each summer because he just doens't kow what to say or do - not sure how to get her into a convo unless its about video games or something. He tries very hard though and we talk about it and he knows he is half the time too strict, other times not strict enough.
All guys are different, but hopefully talking to your husband will help to understand him some more - maybe realize why he is like that - and help him to understand you more. Then you can come up with some ideas on how to meet in the middle.
edited to add: OMG I am amazed at some of the responses some people give on this site - some people have very large chips on their shoulders. I wouldn't leave him unless he was abusive to them or just didn't want to be a part of the family competely and he just couldn't compromise and it escalated a LOT more. Marriage is supposed to be forever and while it doens't always work out that way - it is hard work - and for someone to just say "run" is horrible. You need to try to work out the issues and not be plotting your escape.
2006-12-13 15:09:06 · answer #1 · answered by Rae T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
permit your female chum's ex spend Christmas together with his childrens at your female chum's mothers and fathers' abode. it may well be a beneficiant ingredient so you might do. You and your female chum ought to start your very own Christmas custom of having Christmas morning to yourselves. then you definately ought to %. up the babies later, pass out to dinner and open some specific grants later once you get abode. deliver your grants to her mothers and fathers' abode previous to time. you're in uncomplicated terms her stay-in boyfriend immediately. Why undertaking her mothers and fathers to all this drama? They comprehend a father's ought to work out his babies so for some hours at Christmas, i'm specific they could positioned up with him and on the comparable time get exhilaration from having their grandchildren for this actual time. that would not rob you and your female chum of something. An early yule with the babies at his time and place is your answer to fixing issues however the logistics of the undertaking are working against you... the only way he ought to do it is to have fun Christmas on an afternoon that may not Christmas. If he's keen to come back to spend time with the babies, it is basically a stable ingredient for them. If her mothers and fathers can tolerate him (they did for ten years so i don't think of that's impossible), then what's the wear? You and your female chum are making this sound like a territorial undertaking - 'Christmas is ours, he isn't invited'. when you consider that her childrens will continually be hers and as quickly as lower back, as much as you may say you adore her, you're her stay-in boyfriend, the babies will continually be his too. in case you start up drawing lines interior the sand now, you will make issues plenty worse for the babies - interior the period in-between, without marriage, your dating with their mom has a limited 'shelf existence' so which you will stroll off scott-unfastened while the dirt settles.
2016-10-14 22:01:17 · answer #2 · answered by didden 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have you talked to him about it if not i would thats the only way to get things through but all in all i think lots of step fathers are like that because of the fact that they came from a different man which shouldve been him, im a step child and the only one from the dad out of 5 of us and i was treated alot different then the 4 that are his so i think it happens alot just talk to him other wise talk to your kids about it GOOD LUCK
2006-12-13 15:08:20 · answer #3 · answered by <3 mykiddos,mylife <3 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you decided to leave their biological father you became the soul parent in the new relationship for your kids. Just as he (ex) becomes the soul parent when they are with him in his new relationship. You can't replace a biological parent. You will get resentment from the kids and your new mate. It saddens me that we put our kids through this hell!
2006-12-13 15:26:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
some men dont like kids until they have their own (me). some never do. so it may have nothing to do with your kids.
if you do need to see him be more involved besides the discipline factor, you will probably have to tell him you need him to be involved and how (start small, and always encourage him, he may not know how).
2006-12-13 15:05:46 · answer #5 · answered by lsl4x 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Accept that this situation will not change...it can be hard to warm up to children who do not belong to you.
2006-12-13 16:10:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to make your expectations clear and ask him what he will or will not do.
Seek counseling with your husband.
2006-12-13 16:11:39 · answer #7 · answered by anirbas 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think he wants his own kid with you...i think if u have a kid with him he will treat ur kids better though the other option is harder..divorce/seperation who do u value most ur husband or r kids? im not trying to sound mean but u should protect ur children and get a better role model
2006-12-13 20:23:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
My husband wants nothing to do with OUR kids! I know how you feel!
2006-12-13 15:06:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
leave hon. If a guy ever did that to my daughter who never sees her dad, I'd be pissed. He is not a good guy. He is a jerk... dump his ***. i feel bad for your kids. They'll grow up wondering 'how could mom put us in that situation and not leave, all I wanted was to feel loved?'
2006-12-13 15:07:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 4⤋