10 points for the best joke if you have one!
2006-12-13 14:18:39 · 7 answers · asked by Eve W 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The Wal-Mart Greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart ....Nice children you've got there, are they twins?" The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's seven. Why the hell would you think they're twins? ..........Do you really think they look alike?" "No", replied the greeter, " I just couldn't believe you got laid twice!"
2006-12-13 14:23:33 · answer #1 · answered by iknowtruthismine 7 · 7⤊ 0⤋
Here is mine!.
During one of her daily classes a
teacher trying to teach good manners,asked her students the following
question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having
dinner with a nice young lady,how would you tell her that you have to go
to the bathroom?"
Michael said, "Just a minute I have to
go pee."
The teacher responded by saying, "That
would be rude and impolite.
What about you Peter, how would you say
it?" Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom.
I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still not very
nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you, little Johnny, can you use your
brain for once and show us your good manners?"
I would say: "Darling, may I please be
excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of
mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."
2006-12-13 15:00:28 · answer #2 · answered by yzyf 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
President Bush, First Lady Laura and Dick Cheney were flying on Air Force One. George looked at Laura, chuckled and said, "You know, I could throw a $100 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy." Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy." Cheney added, "That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy." Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, "Such big-shots back there. Sh*t, I could throw all of them out of the window and make 56 million people very happy."
2006-12-13 15:33:08 · answer #3 · answered by Ashley P 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Bob Saget doing the aristocrats. Is it Bob? Or maybe Bud.
No, the joke Kramer did just before he called everyone niggers. That was so funny I dropped dead. Then I booked Kramer to do the aristocrats at my funeral. I heard it on the pan-dimensional news.
2006-12-13 14:55:38 · answer #4 · answered by Dr Know It All 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush
restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a
drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits alone at
a nearby table.
The wife asks, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-girlfriend. I
understand she took to drinking right after we split
up seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober
since."
"My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person
could go on celebrating that long?"
What do you think about this one???
2006-12-13 14:43:46 · answer #5 · answered by cedrpt#1fan 4 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Did you hear about the Iraqi doll? You wind it up and it stinks.
2006-12-13 14:58:45 · answer #6 · answered by Commander 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
your face
2006-12-13 14:34:40 · answer #7 · answered by Emily 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋