Which is worse...?

Question

Do you think it's worse to expect to much out of your children or expect nothing at all?

Why do you feel this way?

What do you expect from your children?

Answer 1

My opinion is that not expecting anything is worse and here is why, usually when someone expects too much out of their children they do go on to become successful in one way or another and as sad as it may seem that it is never enough for the parents at least the child will know sometime that they have done enough for themselves. When someone doesn't expect anything from their child/children that is when they usually don't amount to anything and when that happens they really start to regret the fact that their parents never pushed them to do their best or at least try for that matter, and that might possibly be why so many people turn to crime, drugs, prostitution, etc in this country and worldwide for that matter it seems that subpar is just fine by us anymore and that is what is really sad.

I expect my children to do the best they can and try to treat others with respect, so far I haven't done anything to instill these things in my children but they are still pretty young yet. Of course the old adage goes something like your never too young to be taught anything or maybe I made that up myself, anyways I just want my kids to make me proud no matter what they do but I do expect them to be successful no matter what they decide to pursue in their lives. Of course I hope they aren't anything that I mentioned earlier, all I know is that I will do whatever I can to help them achieve what they believe they can do and when they fail that it is okay as long as they tried their best and were honest and fair. I have spent the better part of a decade being something that I know hasn't made my mom proud and I am doing what I can now to make her realize that those things are in the past and that she should be proud of me because I finally understand why she was so hard on me for all those years when I was making myself look like a fool as well as her. Parenting impacts children more than most people know and I more than anyone else should realize that but I haven't spent enough time thinking about that rather I was thinking about myself and what I wanted and in the end that could end up being worse than either one of the things that you mention in your question.

Answer 2

I think it's worse to expect too much from your children. If you expect nothing at all, then whatever impetus they have to succeed or pursue interests is entirely of their own volition.

On the other hand, if one expects too much from their children, then they risk that these children cannot think for themselves. They are too busy reacting to what you want...either by trying to achieve it, or trying to fight you.

I say this from experience. I graduated from one of the best universities in the world, and I didn't invite my parents b/c I had to prove to myself that I did it solely for me. It ended up being a bittersweet lesson b/c when commencement was over, I had no one to meet and share it with except my friends. It was a little hollow, but I still wouldn't change what I did. I had to do it for me.

What do I expect from my children? I would like them to be happy, balanced and successful. How will I help them achieve it? Guidance rather than rules. Firm at first, but then they've got to learn how to stand on their own two feet.

Answer 3

I think it is worse if a parent expects nothing out of their children. I want my kids to try. If a parent expects nothing, they will settle with their child not trying in school, sports, life, etc. That's just not fair to the child. In a way, it would be neglect. Could you imagine the self-esteem a child would have if their parents never expected anything out of the child?

Answer 4

Expecting anything is the real mistake. Of course, expecting too much can make a child feel inadequate, and it often does even if it is meant to challenge and encourage growth. I think the chances of success from that are more likely to fail than not. On the other hand expecting too little can encourage laziness and lack of responsibility.

I look at my child's strengths and encourage and nurture them. I point out her weaknesses and work on them.

That's my approach.

Cheers!

Baron

Answer 5

I think it is worse to expect nothing.
If you expect nothing, that is what you get,,,,nothing.
We expect a lot from our two girls with the understanding that whatever they do accomplish, they do it honestly, with integrity, and to the Best of their ability. If they fail, but did their Best, that is acceptable. And they have the knowledge that they did their best and have no reason to be afraid of failing. Failure is part of learning. If they did not try and they fail, they have learned nothing. And it is not acceptable.

Answer 6

Put them in the right environment/neighborhood/school/clubs.
Teach them right from wrong, based on ethics or morality or religion or law - and what it really means.
Give them the tools and means and opportunity.
Show them the various fields and areas and occupations and professions.
Differentiate the various paths they can take, and the various goals it will lead to.
Most important teach them how to think critically.

After that its upto them. Depends on their motivation and friends and their learning and inner nature and talents. Depends on what gives them satisfaction. You don't know the future of the country or humanity or technology or environment or wars etc etc, to really chart out a fixed future for them. What you may think is 'best' is just your point of view.

Answer 7

To expect nothing at all is horrible.

It's just plain insulting.

I expect my older child to just do her best, be respectful, a little lady and to be honest, loving and happy.

My baby... I just need her smiles.

Answer 8

in my opinion it is wrong to expect both to much and to little. the only thing we should expect from our children is for them to be and do the best they can. we can only advise them, we can not push them to be or do anything that they do not want to do. our jobs as parents is to love, nuture, suppor and encourage them as they travel down their road of life.

Answer 9

I expect my children to do their very best (and I haven't been disappointed yet.) Yes, there are times when I wish they could do more, but I remind myself of how lucky I am that they are who and what they are, as they are. No child is perfect, and I anticipate letdowns, disappointments and frustrating times ahead, but I can't prevent it all.