wat can you tell me to cheer me up???

Question

before i flip out like that dude in the film "fallen down" or worse

Answer 1

Ethel loved to speed in her wheelchair and charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.

Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerated her, and some of the male residents actually joined in her games.


One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. "Stop", he shouted in a firm voice. "Have you got a licence for that thing?"

Ethel fished in her handbag, and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.


As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted "Stop, have you got proof of insurance?"

Ethel dug deep in her handbag and produced a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said "Carry on, ma'am".

As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, stark naked, holding a very sizeable erection in his hand.

"Good grief", said Ethel, "Not the breathalyzer again."

Answer 2

a husband and wife are in bed ... when the husband farts and shouts woooohoooo 1-0, so the wife has a go and shouts 1-1 ...
when it gets to 2-2 ... the husband squeezes out a fart for the winning round and shits himself

wifes says 'what the **** was that?'
husband says 'half time, swop sides'

hope this helped a ickle bit!

Answer 3

lifes a bed of roses watch out for the pricks

Answer 4

Im useless with jokes, but the site below is pretty good..;